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Tony Romo answers fan mail, on our site!
1/11/08
by JT
Hello everyone! I'm TV's Tony Romo. Many of you may know me from
my job of being the starting quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys,
but did you know that I am also known for boning many hot and famous
chicks? Ha ha.... Of course you did.
Well, lately I have been receiving many letters from my fans. Letters
like this one from Chase in Highland Park who says....
"Dear Tony Romo,
You are so awesome. You nail all the hottest chicks and singers
that I ever seen. I think that Jessica is super hot and so is that
country singer girl from American Idol. You are the raddest! How
can I get hot chicks like you bro?"
(This is an actual picture of one of my fan letters. I get them
for both football and chick getting
questions.)
There are literally thousands of letters just like this one from
fans all over the world. So, since I
have a couple of days before the playoffs start, I thought I'd give
some advice to those of you out
there who want to bone a lot of chicks like me.
I know what you're saying.... "But Tony, I don't have Derek
Zoolander looks, or the wit of Matthew Perry, or super amazing athletic
abilities... and you have all three! How can I possibly get any
chicks while you're out there?" And you're right. If we were
both going after the same chick, you wouldn't stand a chance. But
I can't have sex with every girl in the world.... not yet at least.
But you don't have to be just like me to get some hot ass. Just
follow these seven simple steps, and you'll be nailing that hot
skank at the reception desk faster than you can say "Tony Romo
rules!"
Step 1.) Try to be hilarious.
Chicks love dudes who are really effing funny. Try telling some
super-funny jokes to them to make them laugh. For example you can
tell this one:
Me - "Ask me if I'm an orange."
Chick - "Are you an orange Tony?"
Me - "NO!!"
You can use that one if you want... Jessica loves it. (I'm not
sure if she actually gets it though)
(Here's a picture of me being hilarious to our owner Jerry Jones.
I told him the one about the pirate, the priest, and the Norwegian
children.)
Step 2.) Try to be awesome.
There is nothing a chick likes more than an awesome dude. So, therefore,
you should try to be awesome as often as possible. There are lots
of ways you can be awesome. You can look awesome... dress awesome...
talk awesome.... or be awesome at various activities... like boning.
(Here is a picture of me being awesome. I have a badass pink striped
shirt on, and I put some expensive french hairgel in my hair. Awesome.)
Step 3.) Try to wear your hat backwards in a lot of pictures.
Wearing your hat backwards in a lot of pictures does two things:
- It shows chicks that you are easy going and approachable. - It
also shows chicks that you are awesome and ready to party.
Both of these are messages you want to send to all the
hot chicks in the world.
(I look pretty badass in this one. It's from when I played in the
Pro-Bowl. That’s the Pro Bowl of the
NFL! That makes it extra-awesome!)
Step 4.) Try to always make this face.
(When you make a face like this, chicks know that you mean business)
Step 5.) Try to nail a famous chick.
By nailing a famous chick, and getting a spread in People magazine
talking about how you're nailing that famous chick, you generate
some buzz around your name. This buzz will allow you to then bone
a more famous chick, and then after that a more famous chick, and
so on.
For example, I was nailing Carrie Underwood, then Sophia Bush,
and now I'm nailing Jessica Simpson!! After Jessica, I'm hoping
I can move up to someone really famous. Like Cher, or Princess Diana,
or someone like that. That would be SWEET!
(This is the first of many hot famous chicks that I have, and will,
bone.)
Step 6.) Try not to mess up in important games.
I'm serious about this one. Chicks do not get turned on when you
screw up in a big game. Like this year, after we lost that game
that Jessica went to, I couldn't get any ass from any of the team
cheerleaders. I had to go just home and nail Jess. And last year,
when I fumbled that snap in the playoffs.... man! That next day
was the driest day of my life! I mean, I couldn't get any action
AT ALL. Not even a handsky from Hulk Hogan's daughter. She's not
even that famous!! And trust me, I tried.
(I still can't believe that the Hulkster's daughter wouldn't give
me an HJ. Screwing up big games is so NOT cool! Ha ha ha! I said
that like the people on Friends. You should talk like that if you
want to nail hot chicks.)
Step 7.) Try to be the starting QB on the Dallas
Cowboys.
I'm not going to lie, this one probably has more to do with me
nailing hot poon than anything else on the list. Sure, I was still
getting ass when I was the backup QB... and they were some pretty
hot chicks man. I mean, there were plenty of Hooters chicks, lots
of hot ass, drunk college girls, and tons of hot cougers in the
Dallas / Ft. Worth area... but I would have never banged Jessica
Simpson, or whats-her-name....that hot country singer, or even Sophia
Bush if I wasn't the starting QB for the Dallas Cowboys. That’s
America’s team by the way. As in the United States..... it’s a pretty
big deal bro.
That's why if you want to nail hot famous chicks like me, you should
try to be the starting QB for the Dallas Cowboys.
(Here's me with TO. He's the starting WR for the Dallas Cowboys.
He doesn't get nearly as much hot ass as me. I'm the starting QB!)
So there you have it fellas. Seven simple to follow steps to get
some hot chicks. Now get out there and start boning!
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