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RRR XIV
04/05/07
by DJ

Every time it comes on, I turn up the radio and tell people to shut up. Yes I realize that I am intent on listening to a grown man talking about throwing money onto strippers like rain. This is why its hilarious, the sheer ignorance of it when I imagine it in my head cracks me up. Just the phrase makes it hilarious. And now I cant get it out of my head. The sheer permutations on possibilities for jokes from this single phrase is mind boggling. Prepare for the next several articles from me to be rain themed. Seriously.

Rants:

1. Trent Green as a viable starting QB. Seriously what do some of these GM's think. With the talent of QB in the draft, plus their high picks (#3, #36) in the first two rounds. They can do better. The only reason why I am picking this one team and this one bit of news is because of this: Why would you take as risk on a guy who has concussion problems, with a high price tag, that is old, will be throwing to worse receivers than he did in KC while being protected with a worse offensive line with a worse running back and even worse Offensive Coordinator at the helm? Because they are desperate, that's why. They have Charlie Frye, Derek Anderson, and Ken Dorsey (all of whom played last year somehow) in the wings. From those keep Frye, who can at least move and Dorsey, who has at least won in college. Then draft either Adrian Peterson or Brady Quinn, simply because at the three pick no one can fault you for taking either of those players. Or since none of the three teams below them need either on of those two as pressing needs they could conceivably trade down to the #6 pick ('Skins) and still get either one of those players and some extra picks later on in the first day. My money would be to go with Peterson because Lewis just looks bad to me. Any QB can hand the ball off to Peterson so QB isn't their most pressing need. They should get Carr who is a little pricey thanks to a the Texans mismanaging his contract but he is younger than Green, can take a beating, and now has a chip on his shoulder. They can then get an OL in the second round and/or use the extra picks they got from trading down as they pleased. Please tell how how this doesn't make sense....

2. I realize the previous point was random, but these things irk me. Why do pro teams constantly throw money around and waste things like top draft positions? Because they can always blame the coach that's why. If you buy a shitty car, it's going to run bad no matter who drives it. These guys need to learn that these old vets are like cars, they lose value after change of ownership, and you are stuck with it. So why not just buy new (aka younger talent)? It depreciates slower and you can always sell it later, especially if you get a good deal, which brings me to my next point. If you are unsure who to draft in the top 5 picks, then that should tell you something: TRADE DOWN. More times than not the right player will fall into your lap, and said player will be cheaper and hold more value because you gained something else (cap room, more picks, depth) by trading down. It also puts the pressure on some other dumb team and pressure busts pipes, leaving you looking great. I could really type for days on this subject but we will see which teams screw up the worst in the NBA and NFL drafts. So more on this later....

Raves:

1. This past year we have seen a revival in the Dunk Contest and now I have the penultimate dunk to do. It is a guarantee winner, the only thing is you might get suspended and/or fined. It's called the "Make It Rain Dunk". I want to see Tyrus Thomas do it because he is the only one that could probably pull it off.with his hops and not give a shit attitude. OK first of course the song blares overhead. Then TT comes out with his partner, probably Ben Gordon or hopefully Kirk Heinrich and sprinkles cash in the paint around the charge circle. An onrush of cheerleaders rush to pick them up, and right then TT flies up to dunk over the whole crowd under the basket.

2. Clay Travis is hilarious, a pissant, but hilarious. He recently wrote about throwing quarters and saying "Make it Hail" to some strippers. This is why me and Claybo are friends and cohorts. And by the way, our ten year high school graduation is coming up so don't for one second think we aren't going to a strip club and having our own MIR party. Except we will probably just have a couple hundred bucks in ones and not tens of thousands like Mr. PacMan.

3. Long time reader TJones hit up our mailbag with this hilarious tidbit, by far my favorite of the week:

"Why don’t Muslims play baseball? They would be nasty pitchers….those rocks are pretty heavy. Plus, the intimidation factor would be off the charts."

Good stuff, TJones....

Ruminations

1. What do you think when the bouncers saw PacMan coming with a briefcase full of cash and his entourage? Did he honestly think, "Well tonight will probably be pretty tame, there's no reason to pat these guys down..." Sir, it was All-Star weekend, you needed a gun to go to the ice machine in the Venetian, so of course they were strapped. The first thought that should have gone through his head was, "Something wicked this way comes. Nothing good can come of this" and took off home. I just feel bad for the paralyzed dude and his family. That is the only bad part about this.

2. I told JT that the half albino kid from G'Town looks freaky, and he took it a step forward with this email....

"Aaron Williams looks just like Dave Chappelle when he puts on white people makeup...."

To which I died laughing to because now I am convinced that Chappelle saw him and actually modeled the white characters after him. And no one can change my mind.

3. Congrats on the Gators sweep of the 2007 calendar year, but has any other program besides OSU lost the championship like that in basketball and football in the same year? And it must hurt that it's the SAME program. No recruit from the state of Florida will to to OSU, in any sport for the next few years. Congrats Tressel and Matta, you just lost the Sunshine State.

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