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JT's Random Sports Musings II
01/17/07
by JT
While trying to come up with a new column I found I had a lot of random thoughts running through my head, but nothing that would warrant it's own column. Like the Chinese Fingercuffs, the more I tried to force an article out of these ideas the more impossible it became. Then it hit me. It hit me like I was driving in a Volkswagen Jetta...... Why not do another random musings column?
Gilbert Arenas -
I officially have a non-sexual crush on him now. His two walk-off threes in the past couple weeks are the highlight of the NBA season to this point. I call them walk off threes not because they went in as the buzzer sounded to win the game, but because he literally turned and started walking off the court before the shots went in... both times. He is rapidly approaching legendary status not only with his play but with his personality. His quote after the first walk-off three may have been the greatest in sport history. When asked by a reporter if he yelled his trademark "HIBACHI!" after shooting Arenas replied, "I didn't have to say anything. My swag was phenomenal."
Arenas slowly swags away before his shot lands
My swag was phenomenal?!?! God I love this man. I have been saying that at work whenever possible for the last two weeks.
My Boss - "Did you get those deals turned in JT?"
JT - "I didn't have to boss. My swag was phenomenal."
My Boss - "If they aren't in by the end of the day you are fired."
JT - "HIBACHI!!!"
Thank the Lord that Maniquette is going to blow up.
Here's what bugs me about Arenas though. In 2003 Kiki Vandeweghe, then GM of the Denver Nuggets, was faced with a decision, Gilbert Arenas had told him he wanted more money to sign with the Nuggets. Nine million dollars per year to be exact. Vandeweghe told the Nugget faithful that Arenas wasn't worth $9 mill per year. He claimed that Andre Miller at $8 million per season was not only less money but actually a better fit for the organization. Now we know why Kiki is now a part time basketball analyst for ESPN and not the GM of a professional basketball franchise. But if he didn't make that horrible mistake than the Nuggets wouldn't have landed Allen Iverson. Which leads me to my next musing.....
AI, Melo, and the state of the Denver Nuggets -
AI and Melo together is going to bring one of two things; Either an NBA championship to Denver in the next couple years, or a meltdown of astronomical proportions which may end the careers of AI, and George Karl and kill the development of JR Smith and Carmelo Anthony. But if you like to gamble (and if you are any type of real man or woman than you do) you have to love the move. This is a trade that the computer will not let you make in NBA Live because it was so lopsided (trust me I've tried it several hundred times in the past two weeks). So why wouldn't the Nuggets try it? Plus, when Melo and AI finally play together they will be like Austin Powers and Mini Me... they look identical, only one is half the size of the other.... and that has to be entertaining.
Mini Me and 'Melo are about to take the court, and the world, by storm
The Nuggs took a step in the right direction a few days ago by dealing Earl Boykins, aka. the only 5'5" shooting guard in the history of professional basketball, in order to free up some shots. As my buddy Angelo once screamed to the owner of the Nuggets from the next luxury box over, he was absolutely killing us on defense and with his shot selection. And trust me, when Melo gets back next week the Nuggets will make a serious run in the West. They have too many weapons and no one in the NBA has enough players to defend them. They will have to double Melo and AI, and that leaves one man to guard three... I like those odds. Plus they just got a player in Steve Blake that 1.) Only shoots when he's open 2.) likes to push the pace and 3.) Doesn't have to shoot the entire game and will still be happy. I just saw him play in person the other night and I think he is a perfect fit for this team. Which leads me to my next musing......
Tracy McGrady -
A loyal DH big timer was in Denver last weekend in one TJones. So he got in touch with me and we decided to take Denver by storm on Friday night. Unfortunately for us, it was approximately 18 degrees below zero that night and we didn't feel like doing a good old fashioned pub crawl. So TJones hooked us up with the Nuggets vs. Rockets game (Thanks again TJones). The game started off with AI scoring the first 11 points for the Nuggets and T-Mac looking like he had been out all night before the game. We came to the realization that a.) T-Mac was completely hung over or b.) he was not going to play hard because it was cold outside. We imagined in the huddle that Jeff Van Gundy was screaming at him "What's wrong with you Tracy? Get in the game!!!" And T-Mac staring up to the rafters and saying, "It's cold outside man... I don't even feel like playing tonight."
T-Mac's lacy eyes and barbed wire tattoo are all that is holding the Rockets
back from winning a championship
Then we noticed something else about Tracy McGrady. He has a barbed wire tattoo around his left arm. Seriously. Look, Tracy McGrady makes a lot of money and he has the resources to either have this tattoo removed, or cover it up with a bigger tattoo that isn't totally gay. But he hasn't done either of these options. Which lead us to the realization that Tracy McGrady is a lazy man with a barbed wire tattoo on his arm. The Houston Rockets will forever be a disappointment and never win a championship with him. He is a tool. Which leads me to my next random musing.....
My new favorite show, The White Rapper Show -
I have made a decision that I will do a weekly report on this show. Which means it has reached the reality show equivalent of both "Beauty And The Geek" and "Flavor of Love". Trust me if you haven't seen this show yet, you absolutely have to set aside the time to watch it. It is both horrific and extraordinary at the same time. The basic premise is that MC Serch (whom you probably don't remember from his early 90's hit "Pop Goes the Weasel", "The Gas Face", and his retarded beef with Vanilla Ice) chooses 10 aspiring white rappers and makes them live in a "White House" in the South Bronx, then forces them go out into the neighborhood to prove themselves to "the hood".
MC Serch (bottom) was apparently better than Vanilla
Ice
The show features a selection of white America that white people aren't too proud of (and one really hot British chick) whom are aspiring to be the next Eminem.... and it couldn't be more awesome! There is the dude John Brown who claims to be the "King of the 'Burbs" and is always talking about a "Ghetto Revival". Whenever queried about said revival however, his best explanation has been "It's a movement to revive the ghetto." And when asked how he says, "I am not a rapper, I am an entity." He is the living, breathing proof of everything that is wrong with suburbia's infatuation with the streets. He is consistently disrespected by my next favorite person on the show, Persia, who is a white girl from Queens who actually hits the "King of the Burbs" repeatedly in the mouth with her dildo in the first episode. Let me repeat that, she hits him in the mouth with her dildo.... Later, she repeatedly drops n-bombs while wasted, and is forced the next day to walk around the Bronx wearing a gigantic chain that says "The N-Word". Needless to say she is embarrassed. This might be the greatest show ever made. But trust me, I will keep you all informed on what happens in the coming weeks.
The future of your night terrors... White Rappers Persia and "The King
of the Burbs" John Brown. If you see either in the street feel free to
punch them in the face.
One Last Random Musing -
I know this is post-dated, but it's been playing a lot on HBO lately.... You have to think that the movie Wedding Crashers shattered the record for most hot female extras banged by lead actors. Every man reading this has probably watched the first half hour of this movie a minimum of 15 times, so you know how much hot ass was running around in those wedding scenes. And you have to believe that Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson were closing deals on these girls multiple times daily. By doing the math it appears that they filmed at least six different weddings with several dozen hot extras at every film session. That's a lot of hot extra ass to be had my friends. And there is no way that those two weren't getting their share of it.
Vince Vaughn signals the OK for an extra boning later that night
That's all I've got for now, but be forewarned, there are "The White Rapper" reviews coming in the future my loyal DH-sters.... and they will most likely make you cringe in recognition.
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