Deadlyhippos.com

I decided to make this one a version, like Microsoft or something. This is because besides the current running DDT with Clay, this is the longest running DH column. Others have come and gone, but this one has and will stand the test of time. It’s not quite Seinfield but not quite Frasier. Think Martin or something. Anyways, I got some help on the Ruminations section from TJones, a loyal reader. I sifted through several emails from readers wanting to contribute, but either they weren’t funny or contained way too many swear words. Some of you guys have to clean up your language…shit.

Rants:

Well again my teams got beat this weekend, but at least I saw a heartbeat in the Titans. They only lost to 1 to Indy, which not only almost became the biggest upset of the season, but also destroyed many a Fantasy team expecting the Colts to run roughshod over them. As for my Buffs, I think they should run out to Eric Clapton’s “Tears In Heaven”. Just because they may as well after losing to Baylor in triple OT. I think the game probably looked like the rough equivalent of two 112 pound fratties beating the shit out of each other. There is not really a winner, and the loser gets taunted by a total pussy for a whole year.

I read an article on NBA.com about possible overseas expansion of the NBA to major European cities. NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. There are several reasons for this. The first is America is just too selfish. This is why movies are come out like 4 months behind in Europe. We want everything to ourselves that is worth having. Secondly, why give a chance for it to fail when the money is already coming in from overseas? The rest of the world tunes in and buys gear just to have a piece of something they can’t have. And once they have it, after a few years, they won’t want it anymore. Believe me. The NBA team would wear out its welcome because first it can’t compete with soccer, and secondly because they American dudes would bone all the chicks and so all the local dudes would want to fight them, get in all sorts of trouble with the law, and really just mess it up. The NBA can barely control their athletes IN America. I have seen it first hand, believe me.

Boxing has been over for a while, but it just dawned on me how far it’s actually deviated from how good it used to be. I watch about 4 throwback fights per day from the early 90’s, back when dudes used to beat the shit out of each other…for more than 2 rounds. One fight that sticks out to me was the Sugar Ray Leonard - Terry Norris fight (from 1991) and they were killing each other from bell to bell. It was brutal and great. But what was better was their intros. They just walked in and fought. No spray painted endorsements on their backs, or crazy ass camo shorts. Just tassels on the boots and leather on the knuckles. If this is what boxing used to be then I can see why boxing purists of in such an upheaval. The sport is such a farce now I could care less who is fighting who and when.

Raves:

You gotta love Finland. Anytime you can watch Jenna Jameson’s Wicked Anthology 1 in the light of day on basic cable, it’s gravy. Literally. Did you know she has/had a talent show like “American Idol” but for porn? It’s called “Jenna’s American Sex Star”. Seriously. And it’s awesome. On an even funnier note, I saw a show called “Riding Giants” on the preview screen and waited for it, only to be disappointed because it was about surfing. The start of the NBA season. Hell yes. I know it will last forever but who cares. I get like three games a week out here so it’s all new to me. Also, if you haven’t checked them out, read Stretch’s NBA predictions. Also I wonder what the odds are of the first huge dunk-on of the season being ‘Zo again? It’s not that bad of a bet.

Please tell me what Antonio Banderas has done worthy of getting his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? Seriously. Zorro? If anyone has the answer hit us up through Gmail. Or better yet I should start a petition so I can have one.

Ruminations, courtesy of TJones:

1. While contemplating life and its meaning, several questions and observations popped in my head. These thoughts have been there for a while, but I figured I would write them down and see if someone could answer a question or concur on an observation.

Does Tyrese Gibson have to be in a movie that involves these items?

I can just see his agent negotiating, “….I don’t see no involvement of house shoes here, without that, we have no deal Eddie, I told you that shit before”

2. Why must every “black movie” like “The Wood”, “The Brothers”, “Soul Food”, “The Best Man”, “Brown Sugar”, and “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” involve at least 2 or 3 of the following people? I would call them actors, but they seem to be the same characters in all the movies that they are in (and I wouldn’t be surprised if they act like that in real life). Are there not enough black actors?

5. How disrespectful do you have to be to cheese real hard in your mug shot, minutes after you have been booked into a holding facility?

7. How does any football player sign with a school outside the South, unless he isn’t interested in women? I mean how many reasons do you need? It makes a “swear word involuntarily shoot from your mouth (accompanied by a wince)”, as my boy DJ so eloquently puts it.

That’s it for now. Thanks for being part of the 10^th and most awesome installment. I know it rocked your world, but try and recoup enough to make it through the day. What were you doing surfing the web at work anyways? Sorry about the lack of movies and music this time, but there is always the next issue to look forward to. Until next time HippoNation, the Baron and I bid you farewell.


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