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Rants, Raves, and Ruminations (RRR) 9
09/18/06
by DJ

HippoNation, I know it has been a spell since you have heard from me. Overseas relocation does come at a cost, but I am here to let you know one thing: I am back. Not only am I back, I am back with some sort of a vengeance with your favorite semi-regular, semi-favorite column from the DH posse. But first let me officially welcome a new Hippo into the fold. You may know him from his HippoGeddon postings, but we have come to know him as the Sacred Shoes guy. If you don't know what that is well tough noogies. Now you have to go and buy two books, that one and Maniquette, which coincidentally is climbing, albeit slowly, up the Amazon rankings. (yes THAT Amazon) Like sorority girls, Get it while it's hot and cheap. Anyways I'm not here to rave on our own things, like when presenters at awards shows plug their own movies/albums/political views/anything else besides saying "and the winner is". I'm not "that guy". So here we go with the ninth installment of RRR.

Rants

1. Speeding tickets in Finland. Did anybody know that here in Finland, when you get a speeding ticket that is a certain amount over the speed limit, let's say around 20MPH, you get fined not according to the speed, but according to the amount of money you make? How ridiculous is that? I have heard stories of people getting fined 180 grand and more. They can sometimes go to court and get them reduced but barely. Now, it's not like they are going broke or anything off of this but still if you have a speeding ticket that is more than triple the average income of a person in the country you live in that's just not right.

2. CU Football at the moment is really hurting my heart. But I'm am not going to beat a dead horse on this one. Seriously. But the team is part a a bigger problem: the 2006-07 athletic program as a whole. Besides our ski team which wins national championships, our awesome women's soccer team, and our women's volleyball team which will probably make the tournament, I think the over and under for the combined victories for our football, and men's and women's basktball team will be 32. I have looked hard at the schedules and the factors of each program coming into the season and that is generous to tell you the truth. I am will to actually take bets on this. Hit me up through gmail if you think I am joking. But these are rebuilding years I unerstand and I love my Buffs, but 32 W's in a year for three programs just ain't gonna cut it.

3. There is a movie out there (Not to step on Stretch's toes) called Local Boys. If you have the chance you absolutely must NOT see it. It may be in the top ten worst of all time. Just please read the description right here and that says it all.

Somehow on IMDb it got like 6 out of 10 stars and a review by some reader that made me want to cry like Sally Struthers at an empty buffet. I was actually mad this movie got higher ratings then the one I was in. Seriously.

Raves

1. I am willing to fight you tooth and nail over this one, HippoNation and I don't care what you think about me. Justin Timberlake's (yes that one SHAW) new CD entitled "FutureSex/LoveSounds" is not bad at all. It's good. Granted, the below picture makes me want to crush his larynx with a whisky jug but the message in his song hís clear: It's time to bring sexy back. By that he means no more polo shirst and holey jeans and stupid trucker hats. Suits, jackets, vests, and pressed jeans are the in thing. I for one have seen it coming. So no more flip flops (ahem, Clay). Get your shit right because, well, like always you heard it here first. (I feel kind of ill now)

2. Jaffa. There are Jaffa Cakes, a cookie that is truly rancid that is sold in Europe, and there is a Jaffa orange soda which is incredible. So incredible in fact I am will to say it just might unseat Sunkist as the favorite DeadlyHippo orange drink. It's like crack. I don't even drink sodas without booze in them normally but this drink will not only cure a hangover, but will also quench your thirst. If you can get some, get some. If not, well, that sucks because I have mine and they are good.

4. OK, this may be weird, but there was a series created in 1974 called "Dark Star". For the love of God read about it here. This thing is aboslutely crazy. John Carpenter and Dan O'Bannon, who made the first Aliens movie made this. I sit up night after night and watch this and laugh my ass off. You mix Star Trek, Star Wars, PCP, Nintendo-like sound effects, about 3 oz. of ganj, Johnny Walker Red Label, and no sleep for 5 days in a row and this is what you would get. The comedy is weird as hell and hard to get. I really can't describe it. Just read about it and then find some way to watch it. Please.

Ruminations

1. Why is Krayzie Bone the only one from Bone Thugz N Harmony the only one that anyone ever hears from? That is weird to me. I would liken bone thugs to the Buffalo Bills teams of the mid to late nineties. You can't really name that many, they were good but not quite good enough, and you only hear one person ever resurfacing, Bruce Smith.

2. Trainspotting was to me one of the greatest stereotype movies ever made. Hands down. It had absolutely every element needed, especially the low budget feel and comedy. To me a stereotype movie is pretty much what it sounds like. If you were to see it you could make an educated guess about a particular culture, but it's not anywhere near a documentary. The best of the rest are Friday, Boys in the Hood, and suprisingly The Football Factory a soccer/football movie set in the UK based on the Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels theme.

3. These are five girls that might be hot but I don't know. I would have to throw the red flag and look at the camera under the blanky. In order of quizzical hottery:

1. Selma Blair
2. Eve (just stare at her long enough, I think she is cross-eyed)
3. Tyra Banks
4. Natalie Portman
5. Danica Patrick

4. Luke Wilson : Owen Wilson :: Dominique : Gerald. Luke, like Dominique can do it all, while Owen like Gerald was known for his gimmicks (a sometime-Jordan stopper). If you don't believe me then watch Owen Wilson’s attempt at carrying a movie in The Big Bounce and Luke Wilson carrying (just to name one) The Wendell Baker Story, which actually has Owen in it as well as Will Farrell and to a lesser extent Eddie Griffin. Luke wrote it along with his other brother Andrew. A great movie. Just something I wanted to point out.

Well there it is. That's what has been on my mind as of late. Pretty much movies and more movies. That's what happens when you have loads of free time and you and the Baron are sitting there shooting rubber bands at pigeons in the park. But that is besides the point. HippoNation, I am sorry about the lack of attention but believe me I have been busy. But as always, we shall overcome. So once again, welcome to the fold Sir Giraffe, and till we meet again HippoNation.

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