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Tony Lee, the Rock Star
08/10/06
by Shaw

You read that right, I said Tony Lee, not Tommy Lee.

Background

I have never really driven a car that you would call "nice," or "new," or "functional." I assume this is normal for graduate students--none of us really ever seem to have any money floating around, and if we did we would not be buying new cars with it, especially considering the size of the parking spots at the University of Maryland. Almost every time I park my car at school I find a new injury on the poor thing from someone else who couldn't open their doors without hitting mine. So in any case, since starting grad school, I have had old cars passed on to me by my parents, and they have each had issues.

July 2002

I am a first year graduate student. My car does not start. Nothing will make my car start. I must have my car towed. Where, oh where, can a man get his car repaired in the fair city of Washington, DC? The answer is universally proclaimed by all in the know. Go to Brookland, and seek out the man named Tony Lee. See this man, and ask him to fix your car. He will fix your car, and he will do it right, and he will not overcharge you. Find Tony Lee.

I see this man. His shop turns out to be 8 blocks away from my apartment. I need to replace my fuel pump. I look up the price of a fuel pump online and expect to be sapped of all remaining savings on this visit... when I pick up the car, the total cost, including parts and labor, is lower than the advertised cost of the fuel pump by itself. I rejoice, for Tony Lee has saved me hundreds of dollars. This is Lee's Auto Service. This is my car. This is my life.

Present Day

I have been using Lee's Auto Service exclusively for repairs since that first memorable day. He has consistently delivered on that original promise of honesty, fairness, and affordability. The only problem? Word has spread. Every subsequent time I have gone in for a repair since that first time, the shop has had more customers and more wait time. By now it is known that if you want your car to be looked at, you must arrive as soon as the shop opens to have a hope of getting it looked at that day, and since I moved 15 miles away, it is always kind of a pain to go there. Yet still I persevere in my relationship with Tony Lee.

For the past few months, my car has been gradually collecting service problems. Until recently, I had been suffering through one cosmetic issue (the canvas top has started to pull away from the rear windshield, causing it to flap in the breeze, but not to leak from that spot), and one non-cosmetic issue (the air-conditioning has not been working). These issues alone would not have worried me, but in the last few weeks, my problems doubled up... now all of the sudden, the passenger side window no longer works. This coupled with the broken A/C makes for some pretty unconvincing pickup lines: "hey, I know it's 100 degrees out and humid in DC, so do you need a ride home? Oh, I should mention we can't use the A/C or open the window... right, I know it's a convertible, but we can't put the top down since the window won't open." I have also added another cosmetic (but minor) issue, i.e. my rearview mirror fell off in my hand the other day, probably due to the fact that there has been no relief in my car from the extreme heat. The mirror is still attached by the electrical wire that powers the lights underneath it, making it a swinging testament to my destitute lifestyle every time I pull up to a store. I tried to fix it using a rearview mirror adhesive kit but unfortunately the outdoor temperature is 25 degrees hotter than the maximum recommended temperature for the glue to set, and unsurprisingly, my attempt to fix it myself failed completely. The new issues added to the old officially pushed my car into the realm of "unacceptable." Hence it was time to make a visit to Tony Lee.

The first thing you do when you go to visit a rock star in his element is to make sure that he'll notice you from high atop his perch where he gathers in the energy from the audience and turns it into his mojo. So I woke up at 6:30am, showered, and put on a sequined shirt with I ♥ Tony Lee painted on it in glitter. My special trick is the lipstick. I use two different shades of red and I blend them to give a kind of psychedelic effect, it drives the boys wild. Note that the previous three sentences are false. Except for the part about showering, I did shower.

I arrived at 7:45am, 15 minutes before the shop was scheduled to open, and joined a line that was comparable to the time I went to go see U2 at Madison Square Garden and you had to get in line early if you wanted to stand close enough to the stage to see anything (incidentally, my friend Bob and I were successful, in particular, we touched Bono during the show, which is something that even straight men once universally dreamed about). There were ten people already milling about outside of the gates, waiting for them to open so they could go in and declaim their car troubles to the man who would fix them. The parking lot was already full, and people were parking guerrilla-style on the street. I think I saw a paparazzo a few blocks down, hoping to get a glimpse of the venerable Tony Lee.

Every few minutes one of the other mechanics would walk by the crowd and wave, but they were just the opening act--we all knew that none of these guys would be the one to open the gate for us. Their attempts to tease us by opening the gate and then shutting it again didn't fool anyone.

Suddenly there was an electric charge over the entire group. Something had changed... something was about to happen. Like a needle going in your heroin vein, the pall was lifted and clarity arrived: the office door swung open, and out stepped the man himself, Tony Lee. At that moment even the four-year old kids dragged there by their parents dropped their toys and looked up in awe at their savior.

Lee took his time in getting to the audience. He casually stepped out the door of his office, carrying a watering can. He filled it from a hose, that no doubt spewed some kind of honey-sweet concoction infinitely more complex and beautiful than water. He walked from plant to plant, feeding each one with loving care, never acknowledging the panting masses standing behind the fence awaiting salvation. He ambled his way toward the gate, his attention focused inward at his employees. "Morning, how're you doing?" "Think you can finish that engine today?" "Wow, you made it here early today, no traffic?" The confidence in their leader was unwavering. And then, like David Copperfield in his twenties, before his mind was sullied with thoughts of Claudia Schiffer awaiting him naked at home, Lee's finger twitched, seemingly unconnected to the operation of the gate, but yet against all logic and reason, it swung open to let the masses enter. This is what we came to see! We swarm in through the gate, single-file and original places in line forgotten, fighting for a place in the front of the line. A child is lost in the shuffle; the mother contemplates leaving him, but at the last minute backs off, collects him, and sheepishly steps in at the end, browbeating the toddler for making her lose her spot.

The hardest part is over, but there is more work to be done. Once your place in line is determined, the only question is what to say to the receptionist: can you remember all of the issues you want them to look at? Will you consult the list in your pocket and risk the chance that you might get overlooked as you glance down? Will Tony come talk to you, make a sign of recognition, and make you forget everything you were going to say? Only time will tell, it is out of your hands now.

This is Lee's Auto Service. This is your car. This is your life.

As of right now, my car is still within the four walls of Lee's, under his gentle and impeccable care, to be released to the wild streets and potholes of DC again Thursday afternoon. Do I dare bring her unprotected into the wilderness? If I really cared about my car, shouldn't I just leave it there? This is the dilemna of Lee's Auto Service. These are our cars. This is our life.

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