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MTV Video Hall of Fame Nominees
08/17/06
by JT
Watching TV the other day I happened across a random MTV channel, I think it was MTV 7 or something like that and it was airing the first ever day of MTV broadcast in its entirety. (It seems that recently MTV had it's 25th anniversary) The first day was phenomenal, it was nothing but non-stop videos. And these weren't the mini-movies we see today, these were real videos. Just completely awesome in their awfulness. It wasn't the same 5 videos played over and over either, it seems like anyone who had a band and a video recorder could get their video on MTV. No wonder we were all so excited about this crazy new idea for a television station. Of course I had recently turned 3 at the time of original airing, so I was most likely more concerned with such trivialities as using the "big boy potty" and reciting the alphabet to anyone who would listen, but still somehow I understood how awesome it was. I can remember my Mom threatening to take MTV away from us after Madonna's "Like A Virgin" video first hit the airwaves. It was a more innocent time.
The same day I saw the NFL Hall of Fame induction ceremonies on ESPN. This got me thinking, is there a Video Hall of Fame out there? Instead of researching this tidbit of information I spent the next several hours developing my own VHOF nominees. There was no criteria outside of the necessary 5 year retirement from active MTV / VH1 play lists. I'm sure I've left plenty of worthy applicants off the list, but this is just the first year of nominees. So feel free to email any worthy videos to us or post them on our message board. With the advent of youtube, we are able to link you directly to the videos... so here they are, JT's Video Hall of Fame Nominees:
First Balloters -
These videos were powerhouses and should get in on the first ballot.
MC Hammer - U Can't Touch This
Don't try to pretend like you didn't love this song when you were a kid and that you didn't try all the dance moves by yourself in your basement. If you claim otherwise you are just lying to yourself. Hammer was like a dancing magician back in the day. Add in the hammer pants and girls on the stairs dancing in spandex and you've got an instant Hall of Famer.
This video is like a non-porno version of the Dirk Diggler movies in Boogie Nights. I think every male in high school in the late 90's wished they could remake this video with their buddies. Plus it launched the career of Spike Jonze who went on to make the outstanding "Being John Malkovich".
Most people believe that Thriller is the greatest Michael Jackson video, perhaps the best video of all time. Those people are wrong. Bad is far and away the greatest MJacks video in history. This is the moment when he really made the crotch grabbing dance move his own, along with the weak ass high pitched scream, the grunts and squeals, the lip biting, and several others. Plus he tries to fight off Wesley Snipes and a street gang at the beginning and let us not forget that he showed up in this video roughly 18 shades more pale than the Thriller album. Basically this is when Michael Jackson finally started to develop into the “Wacko Jacko” we all know and love today.
Maybe the greatest Metal video ever made. The black and white, the guy with no arms or legs, Hetfield looked like he might come through the screen and choke you out at any second, and the head banging during the second half of the song is unparalleled. This is the kind of video that makes you want to drink a bottle of Jack Daniels and break the bottle over someones head while moshing. And there aren't many videos make you feel like doing that.
It was a more innocent time for GNR. Of course "innocent is a term that can be used at best loosely when referring to Guns N Roses, but it was before Axl went crazy and started making videos where he jumped off aircraft carriers to swim with dolphins, and would randomly end live shows. This was just guys up there on stage, wearing spandex pants and funny hats.... playing their hearts out. Rock and Roll in its most pure form.
Strong Candidates -
These videos are borderline first ballot. But depending on who else is nominated they may not get in the first year. Think Dominique Wilkins.
I have a theory about the movie Miami Vice. I strongly believe that if P-Diddy were to vigorously masturbate onto a movie script, the result would have been that movie. Simply put, Hypnotize is Puffy’s Miami Vice. It had all the baddest cars, boats, jets, houses, guns, etc of the time resulting in the most expensive video ever made. Unlike the Miami Vice movie however, this video is only about 5 minutes long, not 2 and a half hours, and as a result is awesome…. You can’t really say the same about the movie.
Phil Collins - Land of Confusion
I really don’t know where to start with this one. If you haven’t seen it yet you will be blown away, and if you’re like me and have a slight phobia of creepy dolls you will be more than a little bit disturbed by it. It's like a puppet show on acid. What allows me to move past the puppets is the complete randomness of them. At some point in the video you will see Ronald Reagan dressed up as Superman, cuddling with a gorilla and riding a triceritops, a dinosaur in a bow-tie, the band Genesis which apparently includes a horrifically ugly Phil Collins, Mick Jagger on the keyboard, and what appears to be a young Donald Sutherland, and a man eating his own tongue as though it were a hot dog. Absolutely outstanding.
N'Sync - Bye Bye Bye
.... Just kidding.
The ultimate in cheesy 80's rock videos. The classic mullets, obscenely tight jeans, sleeveless shirts and not just an air guitar but an entire air performance... drums, keyboard, everything. Plus you've got to respect Steve Perry just giving the video performance of a lifetime on this one.
Motley Crue – Girls Girls Girls
If a video ever completely encompassed all it was to be a rock star this is it. Motorcycles, booze, strip clubs, booze, seedy bars, strippers, booze and more strippers. The only thing keeping this one from being a first balloter is it's short career. It was banned from TV shortly after it was aired, it's vast potential destroyed all too early. Kind of like the Terrell Davis of music videos.
Classic Videos that need help -
These are the types of videos that could wait to be voted in for several years before finally making it. They may not be great in the traditional sense, but are amazing for their own reasons.
If you are a heterosexual male and you aren’t mesmorized by every single one of these videos then something is wrong. First off, even if you aren’t an “ass man” you will be able to appreciate what these girls can do in these videos, and if you are into the “donkey”…. Whoa buddy!!! Second, if you don’t have a home computer or PC and either can’t afford, or are too afraid to go to your local porn shop and pick up some good spank material, you are a total vag… but BET Uncut comes in mighty handy in a desperate situation such as this.
You've got to add "The Hoff" on here somewhere. And while he was never popular musically here in the States, he is one of the greatest selling German musicians ever. And this is an international list my friends. Plus you've got to take any opportunity available to watch him sing in German.
I know Bill Simmons has covered this before, but if you haven't seen it yet you really need to. Until the day I die I will never understand how this video and song got the greenlight, and I will always be thankful that it did.
David Lee Roth was the 80's. And there wasn't another video that brought all of the wackiness of this era together better than Just a Gigolo. Plus it's a Van Halen video, which means there was no shortage of scantily clad 80's hotties.
There you have it. The inaugural Music Video Hall of Fame Nominees. Unless of course there already is such a thing in existence. Feel free to debate or add any videos left out on our message board.
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