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JT's Random Sports Musings
07/12/06
by JT

As we attempt to fill the seemingly endless void from the end of the NBA playoffs to the start of the football season, I've been catching up with some of the more obscure sports that I wouldn't normally pay much attention to. Much like SHAW, I am not a fan of baseball (or the new Superman movie either, God that sucked!) so I find myself paying attention to sports I normally wouldn't this time of year. All I can say is thank the good Lord for the World Cup and Zidane's wacky headbutt to the chestplate, probably a top 10 all-time moment in the history of sports. So here is a glimpse into the often intoxicated mind of JT during these trying times in the world of summer sport.

-- The World Cup 3rd place game -

Yet another reason why soccer will never become a mainstream sport in America. It is absolutely un-American to have a playoff game that doesn't determine the champion. Can you imagine having the Carolina Panthers playing the Denver Broncos the week before the Super Bowl last year for the prize of the 3rd best team in the NFL? It just doesn't fly in the land that coined the phrase "2nd place is the 1st loser!". Two summers ago I spent about 6 weeks in Calgary filming a movie shortly after they lost the Stanley Cup to the Carolina Panthers. I would tease the locals with such jabs as:

"God it sucks to get so close to the title and lose doesn't it... losers! HA HA HA HA!!!"

And these poor Canadian fools would respond to me "No way! We finished second out of like 30 teams eh! That is better than aboot 28 other teams eh? Real sooooper eh?"

Then I would just laugh at them.... Stupid Canadian a-holes, just hanging out and being generally happy and good looking people....

In a weak moment of reflection as an American, I am actually surprised that the NFL hasn't adopted a 3rd place game yet. All of you know you would attend the game if your team was playing, and that you would watch it on TV. Especially if there were some sort of Fantasy Football involvement. Actually, I fully expect this game to be in existence by the year 2012.

Way to go Germany! Here is your ribbon, and don't forget... you are a winner too big guy. Now let's go play T-Ball and not keep score.

-- Homerun Derby Commentary--

Did anyone else see this? The round by round analysis from John Kruk and Harold Reynolds of each contestant and the strategies that would be involved in the next round? This felt a bit unnecessary to me. I've got a strategy for Homerun Derbys also, and it goes like this. TRY TO HIT THE BALL OVER THE FENCE!!! We are putting way to much thought into this. The topper was when Harold Reynolds told us of the advice he had given eventual winner Ryan Howard before the contest. Oh really Harold? You and all of your 21 homers in 12 seasons have some advice for Howard whom has 28 bombs at the All Star Break this year?

This would be the NBA equivalent of Magic Johnson saying during the dunk contest "I spoke to Jason Richardson earlier today and told him to try some outstanding dunks today."

Wait a minute, that may have actually happened at some point.

Harold Reynolds displays his vicious homerun swing that gave him a gargantuan 1.75 homeruns per year average for his career.

-- Cristiano Renaldo of Portugal --

I have already let it be known that I love the world cup. But Cristiano Renaldo of Portugal embodies everything in soccer that will keep it from becoming here (and let's face it, Soccer is waiting for our validation to finally be able to call itself a real sport). He is only 21 years old and one of the better players on this planet, yet he finds it necessary to so obviously flop that everyone despises him, quite possibly even his own countrymen. He has been caught on replay taking dives so blatant and so horrible that, rumor has it, he is being pursued by the Porn industry for his acting chops. Here is a little SAT style question I came up with, see if you can answer it correctly....

Cristiano Renaldo is to diving as ________ is to acting.

Correct answer; Dirk Diggler

His antics have not only led him to become so hated in England (where he plays professionally for Manchester United) that he is no longer welcome on his team, but also led me to receiving this email from a friend in the UK:

If you only do one thing today, do this. Forward to everyone you know...... not that we're bitter but there is a very real danger that Cristiano Ronaldo will be voted the fans' best young player at the World Cup despite his pouting, diving, pretty boy antics designed mainly to get himself a lucrative transfer to Real Madrid and thus avoid the good kicking he deserves from Wayne Rooney at Manchester United training. He is currently 1st in the FIFA voting just ahead of Luis Valencia of Ecuador. Please can everyone go to http://fifaworldcup.yahoo.com/06/en/w/bypa/eligible.html and do the decent thing by voting for Valencia.

It doesn't matter who you support or if you haven't seen them play, just stop Cristiano Ronaldo!

This kind of worldwide hatred is something that can only be achieved through soccer. God I love the World Cup!

Cristiano Renaldo displays the "cock crunch" on Wayne Rooney, popular amongst both the gay community and diving soccer players

-- Can beerpong become a national sport?--

This has mainly to do with the fact that a few nights ago I went out in Denver and played Beerpong at a bar. That’s right, a bar had a beerbong table set up and apparently they even have tournaments. Why hasn't this caught on anywhere else? I have to admit I was worried at first, since I don't believe I've played beerpong since 2001 since DJ and I gave the CU Rugby team a right good kicking on their home court. However, with my God-given ability to throw balls through circles (a reward of my college basketball experience) and my teammate Joe's ability to do the same (he played Juco basketball) we were able to run the table and play all night. This was far and away one of the best bar games ever. We continuously embarrassed our college aged opponents, many who had their own tables at home, but even when you are winning beerpong their are consequences and repercussions. Albeit, awesome consequences and repercussions. I ended up completely hammered. And that, my friends, is what a good bar game is supposed to do. I am calling out to the entire Hippo Nation, go to your local pubs and breweries, speak to your bartenders, demand beerpong! You won't regret it.

The "peeping thong defense".... virtually unbeatable

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