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JT's NBA Draft musings
06/29/06
by JT

I planned on doing a game diary of last nights NBA draft. It was not to be though as the trappings of "The Man" had me doing handstands at work until over an hour into the draft. I bested the vastitude of office life though by way of a discreetly placed TV, and was able to keep up with the picks. The NBA draft has always been a favorite of mine, mainly because in my youth I always believed I would one day have my name called by David Stern, don the hat of my new employer, and shake the commissioners hand while the international press eagerly took my picture and analysts questioned the sanity of the GM who decided to take me. That dream was quickly shattered during my first practice at CU when Chauncey Billups made me look like Jimmy from South Park pretending to be Gandalf. "You shall not p-p-p-paaaass" I said as he went left and I took three hard steps right turning just in time to see him dunk the ball. It was then I knew that I would need to focus a little harder on the books.

This year's draft is one of the most unexciting I can remember. There are no big names, no can't miss superstars, in fact picks #1-8 were all basically interchangeable with teams drafting on need or drafting for other teams through trades. So I wasn't too dissapointed to be working in reality while watching my fantasy transpire on TV before me. However, my idea of a game diary was pretty much unrealistic so the DH-sters will have to do with some of my draft day musings. Enjoy.

- Andrea Bargnani from Italy is the first pick of the draft. Why does the NBA have this infatuation with unproven Euro big men? They aren't all Dirk Nowitski. I played against Dirk in Germany when he was 18 (and already on their National Team) and he was dominating his professional league, not struggling to get double figures like many of these other players. And since when is scoring 12 ppg in the Italian league considered better than say Shelden Williams getting 18 ppg and 11 rebounds in the ACC, probably the 2nd best basketball league in the world? Once again the NBA falls victim to the hope of Bill Simmons favorite term "Tremendous Upside Potential".

Congrats Raptor fans! Your top pick is a dude named Andrea who wears pink shirts and tight slacks.

- MY NAME IS STEPHEN A. SMITH.... I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M YELLING ABOUT!! LOUD NOISES!!!

   
Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and I am... quite frankly... what some people call mentally retarded.

- Why do they insist on running that liner along the bottom of the screen about Adam Morrison? The one that says "Highest drafted player from Gonzaga since 1984 (John Stockton, 16th)"

How does this make any sense since Morrison was the 3rd pick? Shouldn't it just be "Highest drafted player from Gonzaga ever"? I always thought that the "since" person had to be a higher pick. Isn't this the equivalent of me saying that "Quincy Douby is the highest drafted player from Rutgers since the year 2000 (Mike Rosenblum, Undrafted)" or "The Denver Nuggets first place finish this year was the highest in team history since 1996 when they finished 4th place"?

- I believe they said that the last pick of the first round, Joel Freeland from England, was discovered recently at his job bagging groceries, and has only played basketball for one year.... and now he is a first round pick in the NBA. This can't be true. There is no way NBA GM's are this stupid. If it is true, I am calling my buddy and ex-teamate Charlie Melvin and telling him to quit his job, perfect a foreign accent and start a new job at King Soopers. He is a 6'10" 225 lb white guy too. His only downside is that he averaged 12 ppg and 9 rebounds in the Big 12, slightly better stats than Freeland managed in the Spanish B league last season.

   
From $6 per hour to $60,000 per hour... It pays to bag an NBA GM's groceries.

- Front runners for next years NBA All Ugly team Josh Boone and Jordan Farmar get selected in the first round. I'm a little bit nervous though, as I believe Farmar can actually hear me typing this paragragh with those gargantuan ears from somewhere in Los Angeles.

- I think the Portland Trail Blazers may have traded their entire roster, all of their draft picks for the next decade, and Darius Miles' kidneys tonight. I have no idea who is on their team anymore. It actually reminds me of the GM mode in X-Box when you get bored and start making any trade that works under the salary cap. Maybe they decided to let Paul Allen's kid play out the draft on his new Playstation 3. Afterall, it's not like they couldn't get any worse.

Paul Allen's kid runs the Trailblazers draftday. In the background Paul Allen was seen laughing so hard he started crying, he then wiped his tears with hundred dollar bills and threw them in the garbage disposal.

- UConn fans must be on suicide watch tonight. Last years team had 4 first round picks in this years draft and they couldn't figure out a way to beat George Mason in the NCAA tournament. George Mason, the team whose best player is now trying to make it in the NFL.

Jai Lewis of George Mason cuts down the nets before reporting to the NY Giants training camp.

- The Hornets second round pick has to have the longest name in NBA history, a Brazilian named Marcus Vinicius Vieira de Souza! How long do you think it will take him to evolve into a single named moniker in the tradition of his soccer playing brothers back home. I hope in two years his name is simply "Souza!" Or maybe just "Gary". Either one would be awesome.

- With the 3rd to last pick in the draft the Dallas Mavericks select JR Pinnock from George Washington. I think I can hear the screams of joy from Clay and Shaw as this pick single handedly validates their careers as college basketball fans. An interesting side note on Pinnock, although his full name is Danilo Agustin Pinnock he inexplicably goes by the name JR. I have always been a fan of lettered names, yet I have also always been from the school of thought that there should be a basis for said lettered name. [Ed. note: JR comes from Jr, as in Danilo Pinnock, Jr... jackass.]

Clay cheers on Danilo "JR" Pinnock at last years A-10 tourney

As advertised the NBA draft was pretty much uneventful, outside of all of the trades by Portland. Overall 16 out of 60 picks were foreigners, out of which only one will definitely be playing in the NBA next season (Bargnani). It seems like Americans are at a disadvantage now as NBA teams can draft average European players and leave them in Europe hoping they develop. The NBA needs a new rule to even things out for the American players. Maybe something where European players have to play in the NBA within one year of being drafted. If they aren't good enough in that year than they can't play in the league for the next 5 years. At least with this rule we wouldn't see a grocery bagger from England get drafted before Dee Brown, the Big 10 and Sporting News National Player of the year in 2004.

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