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RRR Ocho
05/15/06
by DJ

The Maniquette frenzy has not given me much time to think, but I owe you guys my best, and here it is. Not many side items, just the meat and potatoes edition of your favorite column…

Rants:

I only have one, so you know I’m pretty pissed.

1. Barry Bonds: I just don’t understand why people won’t leave him alone. He may be an asshole or whatever you want to call him, but the man deserves way more respect than he is getting for several reasons. First and foremost the bottom line is, BALCO or not, that man would decimate you in a brawl. If a man could literally rip out your femur and then hit a homerun with it, then he should instant at least have your respect. Secondly, he is the greatest homerun hitter of my generation, and the second best (statistically) of at least your father’s generation. Do you know how hard it is to hit a homerun off any MLB pitcher? I bet the worst pitcher in the league could lob 100 across the plate to an average Joe and he might connect with 10. And you know that’s a stretch. It’s hard to BUNT, much less get the bitch out of the infield. People have a problem with him passing Babe, and without even playing the race card which I try to never do (except when I want something free), it’s because of the steroids thing. Babe Ruth used performance enhancers too…booze. So what? No one is protesting his records. And if Bonds did use them the only thing he should be guilty of is lying in court about it. And not that he is a saint, but Bonds is a way better role model that Babe ever was. If you wrote a biography on each man’s life without using their name, I guarantee after reading the two you would pick Bonds’s and use Babe’s for kindling. It’s really MLB’s fault for letting Bonds get that big and huge. I mean Jesus no one gains that much weight naturally or have one of the biggest hat sizes in league history after being drafted a skinny beanpole. The signs were there, and Bonds just manipulated the system allowances and now he is a cheater and not worthy of the record. Please. I believe as an athlete, if you earn something, the shit should be yours. Period. OJ should have his Heisman too. Why not? What he did after he won it has nothing to do with it. At least he used his Heisman. They should take it away from guys that never used it like Charlie Ward, Eric Crouch, and to a lesser but far greater travesty Gino Toretta. Any man willing to do anything more than pump gas for GT automatically gets no say in anything I’ve won, much less take away my award. All this to say, give the man his dues. If you don’t like it shut up, or better yet wait another decade or so for someone to cheer for to accomplish this once-in-a-lifetime feat.

Raves:

1. The return of two artists that were sick, then took an extended hiatus for whatever reason and now are back with a vengeance. And by the way, the following might be old to you, but I just got in the country about a month ago. Be quiet and read. Here they go:

a. Tool – Their newest CD 10,000 Days, although a bit more Masonic/Monk sounding than usual is insane. It has catapulted to the top in my play list, especially the single Vicarious. I honestly thought Maynard James Keenan and the boys couldn’t get any better but they did. Some say all their stuff sounds the same. That’s because they have their own style, and it’s good. If a drug overdose could be put to music, you would have Tool. They take people places they want to go but are afraid. Go get it. Now.

b. BG – I honestly thought this man would either die of an OD or just give up rap completely. I really did. But he came back with a renewed vigor that I have to respect because of what happened to the N.O. and what he went through when he could have just given up. He has three singles out, "Move Around," "I Know," and "Where Da At," out right now that I love. You can hear the fire in his voice, and that’s what makes him a good rapper because he lacks the actual skills most great ones have. But if he and Lil Wayne (the best rapper out there right now) get back together for good, the South will rise again.

2. NBC. Their weekly lineups are incredible. Not since the Seinfeld and Friends days have they had this much popularity. The difference is there are more shows carrying the load. Here are my favorites, in no order:

a. Deal or No Deal does have a germophobic Howie Mandel, but they also have like 30 hit chicks carrying those awesome metal briefcases that everyone (admit it) has wanted at one point in their life.

b. Scrubs. I told you long ago in one of my columns this show would be good. It has only gotten better, which is more than I can say for most shows.

c. ER. Even though they still treat the black guys like shit in the show (they sent both to war torn countries they could die in), this show is pretty good. Good as in at least it captures my attention.

d. The Office is hands down the best show on regular TV. Period. The original British version is good, so check those out, but once again we have taken something that was once theirs and made it better. Much like the whole America thing and toothbrushes. This show is hilarious and has a great storyline. It’s one of those rare shows where you are actually wasting your time if you are not watching it. I cannot stress this enough.

Ruminations:

1. Why do all Blockbuster stores smell the EXACT same? It’s one of those scents like “New Car Smell” that you instantly recognize. Do all the electronics and movies give off a scent? I bet if they marketed it 13-18 year olds would go broke.

2. Keith Jackson, the ABC Sports college football announcer is retiring after this year. This saddens me. Besides the phrase, “It’s touchdown time in Tennessee” (it pained me to type that) his phrase “Whoa Nellie” is probably the second most recognized in college football. Not many people know he used to do other sports. When I used to listen to radio broadcasts growing up, it didn’t matter what game he was doing, he was the only guy I could listen to. He was so unbiased and fair. His last game was perhaps his best, and was fittingly one of the greatest games ever played, the 2006 Rose Bowl. If he disagreed with anything then he was probably right, but he’d never admit it. He has to be one of the classiest sports figures of all time. From the Deadly Hippos to Mr. Jackson, we are going to miss you. Farewell. Whoever his replacement may be, we beg you please, do not suck.

3. When Flip Murray runs down the court, he looks like he is running to help one of his buddies who is getting jumped by like three dudes. He has that unmistakable run of someone who once he stops is going to hurt someone. Quick, hard, determined strides with the slightest hint of malice. Every time I see him take off down the court I expect him to throw a haymaker. I don’t know why, it just looks that way.

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