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Let the games begin, Rev. Robertson
05/26/06
by Clay

After reading Clay's previous column doubting Pat Robertson's bombastic claim that he could leg press 2000 pounds (Pat Robertson's magical protein shake), incredibly, Clay got an email frm Pat Robertson's spokesman:

Pat Robertson worked out at the gym on an incline leg press machine with weights up to 570 pounds. Working with his physician, who was an amazing strength trainer, he worked up to 800 pounds, then 1,000 pounds. Then one day he was able to leg press 1,500 pounds one time. Then over the succeeding months, he trained with multiple reps of 1,200 pounds, 1,300 pounds, and 1,400 pounds.

One Saturday morning, his physician said, 'I'll get you bragging rights. Let¹s go to 2,000 pounds.' Then he worked up multiple reps of 1,400 pounds, 1,500 pounds, 1,600 pounds, 1,700 pounds, 1,800 pounds and 1,900 pounds. When 2,000 pounds was put on the machine two men got on either side and helped push the load up, and then let it down on Mr. Robertson, who pushed it up one rep and let it go back down again.

Mr. Robertson warms up now at 500 pounds, and was shown on television with Kristi Watts doing 1,000 pounds.

His doctor, by the way, has leg pressed 2,700 pounds. It is not nearly as hard as the authors of these reports make it out to be. We have multiple witnesses to the 2,000 pound leg press, plus video of the 10 reps of 1,000 pounds.

Seriously.

Given Clay's love of physical challenges, particularly those involving the leg press (Madeline Albright), he has issued this open letter to Pat Robertson:

Dear Reverend Pat Robertson,

It has recently come to my attention that you are the Strongest Man in the World. I am not, so I am suitably impressed by your ability to leg press 2,000 pounds. I believe you also qualify for the title of Strongest Man in the History of Mankind. Your strength exceeds even Samson's -- and you've always had short hair. Quite an impressive feat indeed.

Notwithstanding your status as the Strongest Man in the History of Mankind and my recent failure to leg press a piddling 400 pounds (you can probably leg press this with your big toe alone), I feel like you and I could be great friends and potential competitors (more on that later). After all, we're both lawyers and raised Southern Baptists.

We are not, however, without our differences. You're 76 years old, own the third-largest cable network in America, ran for president in 1988, founded the Christian Coalition and created a protein shake that allows you to thrust off the manacles of modern mankind.

On the other hand, I'm 27 years old, have cable (but not Cinemax; don't worry, I'm not a heathen), was once elected president of the Spirit Club in my high school, write a biweekly column called ClayNation for SPiN on Sports and once embarked upon a 48-day pudding strike. Despite our differences, I feel like we can be united in the everlasting brotherhood of mutual competition.

But here's my dilemma, Rev. Robertson (when you respond, I hope you'll let me know when it will no longer be presumptuous of me to call you Pat), I too would like to be the Strongest Man in the World. And you, clearly, have that title. Plus, there is very little chance that I could ever hope to compete with you on the basis of strength alone. So I would like to issue a challenge to you that incorporates both physical and mental strength. A veritable champion's pentathlon to decide once and for all who is truly the Strongest Man in the World.

Whomever shall triumph in three or more events out of five will be crowned champion. If you win, I feel confident in saying that I speak for the remaining six billion people on earth when I say that your status as the Strongest Man in the History of Mankind will never be questioned again. Ever. But if you lose, then I hope you will relinquish your title with grace, humility and an autographed bottle of your protein shake for my parents.

Below are my suggestions for the five events you and I should partake in:

1. Protein shake-chugging contest (quantity negotiable)
2. Leg press contest
3. Bench press contest
4. Spelling Bee
5. Painting famous scenes from the Bible on canvas

I also have five judges who I feel would be quite capable of overseeing our match: Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, Pardon the Interruption's Tony Kornheiser, former Supreme Court associate justice Sandra Day O'Connor, CBS Sports announcer Verne Lundquist and my mom.

Further, I am well aware that like the Presidential debates themselves, negotiations surrounding pentathlon events such as these are often time consuming, detail specific and laced with posturing for personal advantage. As such, I will graciously agree to the terms of this competition on an any place, any time, anywhere basis.

While I will be training in Nashville, Tenn. and would be quite comfortable with a competition here, rest assured that I will be prepared to sally forth and engage you in competition on any continent, ship (either floating or docked) or any sufficiently equipped airplane upon this earth.

I look forward to your response and remain your most humble admirer.

Sincerely,

Clay Travis

There has been no response as of yet, but we here at Deadly Hippos will be sure to let you know what Robertson's response is.

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