If you're a pro football fan (especially if you're relatively young, like me), the book is definitely worth checking out because it brings into focus guys like Johnny Unitas, Jim Brown, Joe Namath, Paul Brown and lesser-known gridiron stars like Tank Younger. For the record, this represents the first Deadly Hippos book recommendation. At any moment, I'm expecting to get an e-mail from someone asking if I've been watching too much Oprah. The answer is yes, of course. What self-respecting man doesn't?

Next week, I'm focusing my columns on the plight of supermodel children. I'm hoping my new favorite college basketball player, Joakim Noah, will sit for an interview. If not, I'm going to have Urban Meyer and Adam Morrison meet and weep gently on each other's shoulders until they've both had a good cry. Then I'm going to use the word "emote" as both subject, verb, adjective, adverb, gerund, infinitive and lifestyle.

Regardless, reading MacCambridge's book taught me several things. Among them: The last two commissioners, Pete Rozelle and Tagliabue, both received notice of their selection while in the bathroom. Rozelle was in the bathroom because he was hiding from reporters lest they become aware his name was under consideration.

This meant every time a new person entered the bathroom, Rozelle had to wash his hands. When he was finally selected as commissioner, after 35 hand washings, he entered the conference room and remarked, "I can honestly say I come to you with clean hands." Meanwhile, Tagliabue was just shaving in his bathroom. Word is that his wife knocked down what was to be his first quote upon being selected as commissioner, "I come to you with a clean face."

Even more importantly, the selection of both commissioners required a prolonged voting period of 23 (Rozelle) and 12 (Tagliabue) votes from the owners before an individual was chosen. Worse, while Tagliabue was ultimately selected, it was only after a seven-month search. Seven months? Under Armour took over the world in just three months.

This length of time clearly won't do in the 21st century. Plus, Rozelle himself was the ultimate dark horse candidate and he did quite well in office. So in an effort to bridge the cultural divide that is likely to ensue, I carefully crafted a list of 10 potential commissioners that would meet the needs of DH.

I'm interested in who you guys think is the best option, so I'm going to put up a poll. Further, we should all keep in mind the brilliant advice of recently deceased Giants owner Wellington Mara upon the retirement of Rozelle: "We will look for a man who has read the pages of history and learned those lessons, and a man who has the foresight to apply those visions to the future. We are searching for the replacement to an irreplaceable man."

Without further ado, here goes:

1. Condolezza Rice, Secretary of State

pros: has previously stated a desire to be NFL commissioner. Plus, she coyly attempted to withdraw her name from selection. Everyone knows the best way to get selected for anything is to claim you don't want to be selected. For the record, this is how I ended up dating every girl I dated in college.

Rice angrily asks where the rest of the stars are.

cons: Current job is secretary of state. How will she handle a truly important job where people actually care what she does?

2. James Van Der Beek, unemployed actor.

pros: Come on, have you seen the Mox in action? The oop-de-oop as the final play of the game? What gumption. Plus, one of his former Dawson's Creek heartthrobs, Joey Potter nee Katie Holmes, just had Tom Cruise's baby and his other former flame, Jen Lindley nee Michelle Williams, was just nominated for an Oscar in Brokeback Mountain and is married to Heath Ledger. Clearly, good ole Dawson has to match their career paths.

Van der Beek would instill a mandatory "game-face" policy for all publicity photos.

cons: Tendency to waver over every decision with obscene amounts of melodrama. Can't you just see him doubled over with pain as he tries to decide whether to fine Chad Johnson for an illegal end zone celebration?

3. Pacman Jones, Tennessee Titans cornerback

pros: Taps into the always important felon-acquaintance market. Plus, according to a law school friend of mine who lives across the street from him, Pacman is actually a really nice guy.

cons: Likely to set an expletive record at all news conferences. His response of, "I guarantee if you ask that question again we goin' to bleepin' fight, you bleepin'" when pressed by reporters. This will likely harden the league's image.

4. Jessica Bendinger, writer and director of Bring It On and the forthcoming gymnastics movie Stick It

pros: Clay Canon No. 102: When in doubt about anything in life, always watch Bring it On. The answer will reveal itself to you. Plus, in the previews for her latest movie, Stick It, this line is saucily used by a gymnast: "It's not called gym-nice-tics." Two words: Marketing goldmine. Just imagine a clever NFL slogan of, "It's not foosball, it's football."

Wow, did you have any idea she would be hot too?

cons: The same idiots who e-mailed me wanting to know how I could possibly endorse an obscene snowman building contest for the Winter Olympics will flood her with complaints. These same people will spell exactly half of their words wrong and will not be acquainted with such advanced punctuation moves as the period and the comma.

5. Morgan Freeman, actor

pros: Forty million people were willing to pay money to watch him talk about penguins. According to Hippo math, this means four billion people would be willing to pay money to see him talk about football. Bonus: Imagine if they allowed him to narrate NFL Films.

His game face could use a little work.

cons: It's hard to build the requisite amount of street cred when you have starred in a movie called Driving Mrs. Daisy. Plus, truly old men with earrings doesn't really play that well in Omaha ... except with the Native Americans.

6. Nick Lowry, former Kansas City Chiefs kicker

pros: Has won and is still winning Tecmo Super Bowl games for me to this day. There has never been a more money video game kicker than Lowry circa 1992 on the original Nintendo Entertainment System.

cons: There are lots of aggrieved former Tecmo Super Bowl players out there who Lowry has victimized. Can't you just see Redskins owner Dan Snyder stomping his foot about this one and digging his heels in? I guarantee Snyder played with the New York Giants.

7. Tony Kornheiser, PTI host and future Monday Night Football commentator

pros: At any moment, he could screech anything. Plus, we at Deadly Hippos have a tender spot in our heart for TK because he got us through many a boring class at GW via his Washington Post column. Clearly the NFL is coming around to him as well if it's willing to put him on-air on Monday nights.

cons: Let's just put this out there -- if TK doesn't get suspended for saying something on Monday Night Football, was he really worth hiring at all? Basically this hiring decision could be the equivalent of putting George Clooney in the 8th and Ocean MTV beach house and telling him not to hook up with any of the models. In other words, why go Clooney or Kornheiser if Clooney or Kornheiser can't be themselves? For the record, this will be the only time in any column that George Clooney and Tony Kornheiser are analogized together ... ever.

8. Bill Paxton, polygamist father on HBO's Big Love

pros: You know how being Senate Majority Leader is always referred to as being like "herding cats"? Well, I think this analogy has almost given up its comparative ghost. From now on, I think we should say, "It's like being a polygamist." If Bill Paxton can satisfy three scheming women in every way, why can't he satisfy 32 scheming men in one way?

cons: Bill Paxton is not truly a polygamist and television is not real. What if he would actually be a bad polygamist? Can the NFL take this risk?

9. Sandra Day O'Connor, former Supreme Court Justice

pros: Made her debut on the NFL stage when Redskins great John Riggins memorably told her, "Loosen up, Sandy baby." She subtly reminded everyone of her available employment status by appearing at the Rose Bowl for the opening coin toss. O'Connor also has provided the deciding vote on such memorable social issues as abortion and affirmative action, so clearly she could bring the hammer down on important issues such as: Do players' socks have to match their uniform? Plus, her hair already resembles a football helmet.

cons: Has "Sandy baby" ever really loosened up? Will she try and strong arm her way into the Maxim magazine NFL cheerleader photo spread?

Let's hope not.

10. Sacha Cohen, Da Ali G Show

pros: Quite possibly the funniest man on earth. Plus, as Borat from Kazahkstan, he could expand the NFL's audience even further into the Asian and European markets. Booyakasha. Even better, since NFL players are 70 percent black, if we couldn't have an actual black commissioner, at least this way we would have someone who is pretending to be black.

cons: As we've discussed before, the funny Cohen now bears the stigma of being confused with figure-skater Sasha Cohen. Even though we've had this debate before, Hippoheads gave a tremendous Cohen Supremacy vote to Sacha Cohen. Is that confusion going to reign in red-state America?

Who would show up on game day? Sacha or Ali G?

________________________

Discuss this and any other column deadlyhippos.com column at our message board.