This Winthrop game has had me nervous all week. Perhaps because Winthrop was one of the few teams I saw play in person during the 2004-2005 basketball season. Their team traveled down to the Virgin Islands to play in the Paradise Jam basketball tourney on St. Thomas and won two games while losing only one. But Gregg Marshall was more in control on the sideline than hardly any coach I have ever seen. His team clearly believed in him and their game plan. My recollection is that the only team that beat them was Arkansas led by my favorite poonhound Ronnie Brewer.

Two days later while I was eating lunch at my usual deli, who should walk in but Gregg Marshall and his family. I introduced myself to Marshall and congratulated his team on how well they had played and remarked that I hoped he would still end up at Tennessee. This was in the final throes of the Buzz Petersen era and before I was in love with Bruce Pearl. Marshall was every bit of the nice guy during our conversation and I left the deli that day expecting that Winthrop would eventually make some noise in the NCAA Tournament so long as they had Marshall in command.  I liked him so much I almost forgave him for spelling Gregg with two g’s. But just almost.

So it was with absolute chagrin, that I saw the brackets open up on Sunday. First an unbelievable 2 seed for the Vols and then the feared match-up with Winthrop. Worse, everyone on earth began to pick against the Vols as their upset special. Then my friend Junaid calls just before the game starts and says, “They’re bigger than us at four of the five starting positions. We look like the mid-major on paper.”  So it is with a severe case of nerves that I sit down to begin my first ever Vols NCAA game diary.

Junaid still loves puppies and analyzing mid-major basketball teams.

1. All of a sudden my screen goes blank from the double-overtime game between Boston College and Pacific and suddenly it is tip-off for UT-Winthrop. I hope my man Ian Eagle can handle the fact that I’ll be missing the finish of his game and I doubly hope Pacific can pull it out.

2. Why does Greensboro have a coliseum? Everyone I ask has no idea. I know they host the ACC Tourney every year but what else do they have there? My brother-in-law is from Greensboro and even he doesn’t know. This seems like the most unnecessary coliseum to have been constructed in the last two thousand years.

3. We start the game with three made baskets and this game is in HD. Things are looking good so far.

4. One announcer makes a joke about how the only Bradshaw we don’t have here is Jerry Bradshaw. Each announcer explodes in laughter. I have no idea who Jerry Bradshaw is.

Google image search for Jerry Bradshaw. Perhaps he is the funniest german shepherd breeder on earth?

5. Each announcer just sits in silence because they think we went to commercial at the under sixteen time out. This awkward silence reminds me of my high school prom. Someone is getting fired at CBS over this. It’s 8-4 Vols.

6. Dan Bonner and Kevin Harlan finally speak after silence for about three minutes. The Winthrop cheerleaders are an unattractive bunch.

7. Winthrop takes their first lead of the game. Oh no, I hope we don’t have to play from behind against these guys.

8. Andre Patterson has absolutely come to play, his tip gives him 10 points already. Shortly thereafter, Major Wingate pulls a dipsy-doo and slams with authority. Vols reclaim the lead 21-18. (Sorry for all this recap work, I’m trying to game diary while eating pizza. I think this is the game diary equivalent of Dane Bradshaw playing with a torn tendon in his wrist.)

Andre in action.

9. Chris Lofton finally drills one. I’m knocking on wood as I’m saying this, but Winthrop really seems to be giving Lofton some decent looks. Much more decent than he got in the second half of the SEC season. 9 in a row for the Vols. 24-18 at the under eight timeout.

10. I love these Bud Light daredevil commercials. Based on my beer commercial karma rule, Bud Light starts the night at the sports bar for me when I’m watching the GW game. I also like this Cingular asian guy. Somehow he appeals to me…call me gay if you want.

11. Am I the only Vol fan whose worst nightmare is Stanley Asumnu with the basketball and the shot clock running down? I’d much rather his girlfriend Candace Parker have the ball…in a men’s game. Incidentally, Junaid informed me of this relationship and we absolutely must get the should they eventually have a child, we must get the first invitro letter of intent.

Stanley’s game is much better off the court.

12. Lofton with another good look off a pass from Wingate and he buries the shot. 27-22 Vols. How many times this season could you use the phrase “good look off a pass from Wingate.” Maybe twice?

13. I think Pearl should respond to everyone who keeps questioning how he could sweat through his pants by saying, “I have a huge penis.” It would be worth the fine and I bet he wouldn’t get asked about sweating through his pants anymore. Plus, how many times can you answer a legitimate sports question by referencing your huge penis?

14. How many times are we going to hear about this clown Bradshaw from Winthrop being on the New Zealand Olympic team? Ok, we get it. The better question is, if he’s such a star in New Zealand how come he wasn’t featured in The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Now that would be an accomplishment. I’m pretty sure both deadlyhippos writers DJ and JT could be on the New Zealand Olympic team.

The country that makes Olympic ballers across the world shudder with fear.

15. Man is that referee sweating or what? He looks like he just got through bobbing for apples.

16. There’s a garbage foul call on CJ Watson as Martin for Winthrop hits a three. You don’t hit that shot if you actually got fouled. Suddenly it’s a one-point game again. 30-29 Vols.

17. Oh man, there was the Tony Harris name on a graphic. Every time I see his name I feel like I’m going to throw up. Remember how we kept waiting for him to have a semi-decent March? And how it never happened? I think all those wash-up performances in March took about a year of my life expectancy.

18. Oh no, Watson just got his third personal foul. That’s really bad. How long will Pearl leave him on the bench in the second half?

19. And seguing to: Wingate somehow looking like he’s gone out for a nice stroll in the park as he brings the ball up. Of course he gets ripped and then that bastard from the New Zealand Olympic team dunks to bring Winthrop within two. It’s 36-34 Vols with forty seconds remaining. And that is the half-time score as well.

20. Watson starts the second half. If I were Winthrop I would be trying to flop every time he drives.

21. Who is the really hot brunette sitting at the scorer’s table behind Gregg Marshall?

This is what the hot brunette might look like if she were topless…and named Jessica Biel.

22. I predict HD television is going to make people standing up in the crowd and waving become an epidemic. You can actually see someone if they take the trouble to stand up and cheer. Of course this also means picking out tools has never been easier.

23. Wingate with an absolute beast of a dunk. He’s going to get a technical if he’s not careful. Winthrop hits their second ridiculous shot in a row, the second one a three. Vols by one, 45-44.

24. Oh god no, Watson just got his fourth foul on a loose ball. What a tough call…we are officially in trouble. Winthrop takes the lead, 46-45 on the ensuing possession off a backdoor lay-up. Winthrop leads at the under sixteen timeout.

25. I’m prepared to endorse the Sonic tator-tot rejection commercial as funny. I’ve been torn on this one for some time, but I officially like it now. The only thing that would make it better is if the asian Cingular guy was involved.

Seriously, I just spent ten minutes looking for a picture of a tator tot and about sixteen hundred dogs came up. If you named your dog tator tot and you are male, it’s quite simple, you have no testicles.

26. JaJuan Smith banks in a three from an NBA distance. I’m sure he called glass. For the record Jordan Howell having the ball with the shot clock running down is not good either. If Jordan Howell and Stanley Asumnu were passing the ball back and forth between one another as the shot clock wound down, I think I would just as soon the other team have the basketball.

27. Am I the only person upset about the constant refrain of 2 seed UT vs. 15 seed Winthrop and all the history of 15 seeds beating 2 seeds? Last time I checked the Vols were seven point favorites. This is the same amount UT was favored over South Carolina in the SEC Tourney. All that to say, I am going to be ecstatic if we win this game no matter what the score is and I personally don’t give a damn where Winthrop is seeded, they are a good basketball team.

28. Asumnu with huge back-to-back steals to give us a 54-51 lead. The second one he actually finishes with a strong dunk. The first one resembled what I would have looked like on a fast break in the NCAA Tourney.

29. Ok, we’ve got ten minutes remaining and have managed to stay in decent shape without Watson. On the positive side Watson should be really fresh for the close. Wingate hits two free-throws and we lead 56-54. What’s up with Major keeping his arm extended after he makes a free-throw is he expecting for someone to give him a five and no one ever arrives?

30. Here we go, under eight timeout and we’re down two 58-56 but with Bradshaw having free-throws coming up. It’s time to bring Watson back. And what’s happened to Andre Patterson? He came out on fire and has just vanished.

31. Damn, we miss two front ends in a row. But Watson is back in with 7:16 left to play.

32. Wingate drills a jumper from the free-throw line and we’re tied at 58 with six minutes left.

33. Wingate again with an absolutely huge dunk and we have the lead back. 60-58. Wingate is becoming a man today.

The Major deserves a battlefield promotion. From now on I’m calling him the Colonel.

34. Announcer Dan Bonner says, “This is one of those spurts that UT is famous for.” Clearly he is mistaken. The only thing UT is famous for is not playing in March. The under four timeout arrives after a huge illegal screen call on Patterson Winthrop has possession.

35. Christ, Winthrop hits a three and we’re down one, 61-60. My heart is in my throat.

36. Bradshaw just airballed his first free throw. But he comes back to drain the second. We’re tied at 61 and UT gets jobbed with Winthrop getting about nine seconds to inbounds the ball before calling a timeout. One ref called the five-second violation and the other gave the timeout. But we play great defense and get the shot-clock violation on the ensuing possession.

37. Lofton misses the three and Winthrop misses and then Watson is called for a walk that I didn’t see. Now only 1:14 left and I’m so nervous I can barely type.

38. Timeout Winthrop with 52 seconds left. We’ve scored one point in the last six minutes yet somehow we are still tied.

39. Oh god, that chump from New Zealand misses a wide open three and we have the ball with 21.5 seconds left at the time out. Still tied. Somewhere Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson just turned to one of his buddies and said, “Bloody hell, that’s why I didn’t cast him in the film.”

Little known fact, before making the Lord of the Rings trilogy Peter Jackson was a starting forward on the New Zealand Olympic team.

40. Watson with the miss from three and then Lofton sort of rebounds the ball and somehow passes it into the back court. Kevin Harlan screams, “And he threw it away.” Even I’m confused what the call should be here but I’m guessing that UT never had the ball and so there couldn’t be a back court violation. Pearl calls another time out and after a review we get 2.9 seconds left.

41. Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Chris Lofton drills an unbelievable jumper with .4 seconds remaining. My arms, hands and legs are all shaking. I just did a lap around the room while I was screaming for UT to get back on defense. Seriously we had three guys dancing together and there was time left on the clock. I watch the shot again on my DVR during the time out to see whether or not Lofton traveled. It was close…very close.

From the bottom of my heart, I love you Chris.

42. Winthrop’s inbounds pass goes off the backboard but the clock doesn’t start leading to the longest .4 seconds of my life before the light finally goes off and the horn sounds. Somehow, we’ve won 63-61. My dad calls immediately, “That was like a shot from behind the woodpile,” he says of Chris Lofton’s shot. Full disclosure, on the Travis backyard hoop many a deep shot was drained from well behind the woodpile my dad would build for our wood stove. The woodpile ended many a horse game, but none with bigger smiles than Lofton’s shot.

Yes, I realize having a woodpile in your backyard probably fulfills the Tennessee stereotype.

43. Further says my dad, “This was a huge win.” How many other 2 seeds do you think are going to react like this after they barely survive against a 15 seed? The answer is none, and I don’t care what anyone else says, we Vol fans will take any NCAA Tourney win we can get. As my friend Weatherholt memorably says after the game as he, Junaid and I all talk, “Survive and advance is all that matters in this tournament. There are no style points.” Amen, Game diary forthcoming for Saturday against Wichita State where hopefully we can save the entire country from Shocker puns if they win.

All that stands between us and the Sweet 16.

________________________

Discuss this and any other column deadlyhippos.com column at our message board.