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Pacers v. Sixers Game Diary
03/29/06
by DJ

In my first column since returning to the states, I have chosen to submit the first ever NBA game diary for this website. I am still being paid by my team until mid April by my team so this is my vacation. Time to kick back and enjoy the perks of playing ball overseas and being a freelance DeadlyHippos writer. This is the rough equivalent of leaving one country from your job and going to another one to live and still being paid afterwards, really for no reason at all. (Sound like another Hippo you may know?) Clay has been dominating this genre of writing as of late, so I decided to try my hand at it. After a quick article proposal was approved by the Hippos e-board, I was cleared to start. You aren't going to get many exact scores or plays, but here is the gist of the day. It's my version of the game diary. I refuse to bring a pen and paper anywhere and Write Things Down. I didn't even do that in college...

1. The tip-off was 1pm Indy time on Sunday. I say Indy time because I don't think Indiana does daylight savings. I was unaware that not doing it was an option. How can you just refuse to follow the time rules of the most powerful nation on earth? I also think Arizona follows this non conformity. Weird. Read more about it here.


This is what daylight savings looks like on acid.

2. I woke up at about 9am and called SAS airlines because they lost one of my wife's bags two days ago and we still haven't got it 3 days later. After being I was finally informed that it would be delivered sometime that day. SAS airlines is the worst airline ever created. I had to stay over in Stockholm, Sweden overnight on the way back from Finland (which was actually awesome) and on the way to Finland I had to stay over in Chicago (which was very unawesome), both times due to plane difficulties and both times my luggage was lost. If I ever even meet anyone with the initials SAS, I will jump on their face and bite their neck like Blanka from Street Fighter II.


This me having an SAS sandwich

3. My brother left for the game at 10:15am to prepare and so I did my own pregame warm-up in the form of RedBull and Jagers. By 11:15 I feel slightly wasted, but incredibly awesome if that makes any sense.

4. My wife, sister, niece, and I make it to the game and park. Indy looks like a mixture of downtown Nashville and Denver with a little Compton thrown in. All in all, it doesn't look like a bad city to go out in and get wasted.

5. Conseco Field house is awesome. That's the long and the short of it. It would be even awesomer if every time I heard it I didn't have to think about Jose Canseco.

6. I have seats 13 rows up by the visitors bench. During warm-ups I see a guy I know from the Sixers and yell down to him. He comes over and says hi and he instantly makes fun of my beard. Yes my beard. It has a BSR of 6.4, which is astronomical for me. I make fun of the fact that I played in Finland and he only gets to sit the bench for the Sixers. Hahaha. Joke's on him!!

7. Game starts and I settle down the first of many Millers to come. Six bucks a pop for 16 ounces. I think gas is even cheaper. That's expensive as hell, but I have to keep the buzz going. It's a rule that you have to have at least one beer per half when you got to a sporting even, and I aim to follow it.

8. At some point early in the first quarter David scores. I yell, "That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!!" Then I think, "What does that really mean? What the hell did I just say?" It's one of those phrases that people blurt out at sporting events that mean absolutely nothing. Especially when drunk. I am ashamed and quickly castigate myself.

9. We are sitting in the player ticket section, and it's a sea of silicone, blonde hair, and drunkenness. This makes me happy.

10. Allen Iverson is one of the quickest dudes with the ball in the history of the NBA. He put a move on Anthony Johnson that probably made his mom fall down by just watching it, then calmly buried an 18 footer in his eye. I grimace. It was actually painful to watch ol' AJ to go through that.

11. The game is pretty close in the 2nd quarter, and I realize that Chris Webber is playing. Well. How do you realize Webber is playing 30 minutes too late? I then realize he along with half the Sixers are wearing those annoying ass black tights. I would love to leg sweep whomever invented those. You know if it's tacky then NBA dudes are going to wear them. I vow to beat David's ass if he ever wears a pair, then laugh realizing how much actual fabric that would take.

12. Peja Stojakovic looks strange in a Pacer uni. I think I am sitting near some of his family because I hear garbled verbiage and cheers when he scores. Or I could be drunk off of my fourth beer of the half. I assume it's the latter and press on.

13. I buy cotton candy for my wife. The vendor asks me what flavor. Are you serious? Aren't they all the same? I didn't know there was more than one flavor. I just said pink.

14. With about three minutes to go in the 2nd quarter, I go down to the family hospitality lounge and grub out on a baller ass spread of the finest meats and cheese, some of which I have never heard of. Nothing makes a dude happier than eating shit he has no idea what it is, yet it is tasty. Also, again, I could just be wasted.

15. At halftime the entertainment is those guys that jump off trampolines and flip and dunk the shit out of the ball. I vow once our upcoming book, Maniquette, flies off the shelf, the DeadlyHippos will perform at a Washington Wizard halftime show doing this very same thing. I am dead serious. My predictions:

16. My wife notices people are wearing Indianapolis Colts jerseys and/or hats. Why do people wear NFL jerseys to other sports events? This makes absolutely no sense. How can you support one team by wearing another team's jersey in a completely different sport? Just because it's the same city doesn't make it right. I can't even think of a rough equivalent of what it is like. But there is one word: Annoying.


"We love the Pacers!!"

17. I know I am giving props to Clay by saying this, something I loathe doing, but professional dancers for pro teams are awesome. They really are. I hate you Clay.

18. In the third quarter the Pacers decide to catch fire and jump out to a 17 point lead at one point. Then AI and Webber decide not to miss and try and bring them back. The Sixers need help. Bad. Maybe if they took off those damn tights... The refs in this game are absolutely atrocious. I think the game was on ABC and if anyone was watching then they would agree. One ref looked like his shoes were five sizes too small. He grimaced every time he ran. So I called him Grimace. It was funny at the time.

19. I am very intoxicated at this point and begin looking for celebrities. I get disappointed when I don't see any. I then realize that celebrities a) don't live in Indy and b) don't want to live in Indy.

20. At some point in the fourth quarter, AI gets a steal and there is a two on one fast break. All of a sudden he tosses up an oop over his right shoulder. Out of absolutely nowhere Andre Iguodala catches it with one hand and defecates all over the cylinder. It looked like he jumped off of one of those mini trampolines. His hand was at least by the top of the square. It was the best dunk I have ever seen live.

21. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Kyle Korver is the best shooter in the NBA. Hands down. Stephen Jackson wears more gear than anybody in the NBA. Hands down.

22. The game mercifully ends in a 92-79 beating of the Sixers. Somehow Webber scores 24 and played great, although I only remember him hitting a couple shots. Ivo scores 26 and had about 783 steals from what I remember.

23. After the game, my highlight of the day was going down to the players lounge and meeting Larry Legend himself. He is tall as shit. I could see how he would be tough to guard. Not because of his height, just because of the fact the defender would be mesmerized by the fact he has no lips.

24. I told Dave I drank more beers (8) than he had points (4) and rebounds (1). I laughed. He didn't.

Well, that's it. After the game ended, I went home and got a little more drunk. I am going to try and bring a couple of NBA game diaries a month from here on out. Maybe even an MLB game or two. Just to diversify things. Because that's what we here on DeadlyHippos.com do. Get drunk at sporting events and tell you about them. Yes, we do live a charmed life.

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