I was driving the other day listening to the radio and that Nelly and Tim McGraw song came spewing forth out of my speakers. This is one of those collaborations that could have only been spawned in the deepest depths of hell. Something that Satan sends to the surface to attempt to force us to acts of violence and test our resolve. I immediately decided that this had to be the worst collabo in the history of mankind. But is it the worst? After roughly 20 minutes of deep meditation on the subject I came up with a list of the worst callabo's of all time. Granted I am most likely leaving some out, but I was late to work again and didn’t have too much time to ponder the matter further. Upon reaching my workplace I immediately spent the first hour of my day putting my thoughts to paper. This was undoubtedly the most productive work hour of the entire week for me. So here are my worst collabo’s of all time:

Nelly and Tim McGraw -

The duo that inspired this list. Much like water and an oil fire and grape juice and dill pickles (you’re going to have to believe me on that one), when country music and hip hop are combined the results can be catastrophic. Never has this been truer than with Nelly and Tim McGraw’s collabo. “Over and over again... over and over again.” These are not only the lyrics to this song but also the description of how often it was played on the radio. This is honestly one of the worst things I have heard in my life and hearing it now incites violent vomiting and fits of rage. If I hear it again I am going to gouge out my eardrums with a plastic Taco Bell spork. Being deaf would have at least one benefit… never hearing this song again.

   
In this song Tim McGraw says that “It’s all in my head”… if only he had kept it there.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie -

Madonna has always been and always will be "Madonna". You know the girl you aren't sure if she is actually hot because she's kind of dirty, but also the girl you are absolutely positive you would sleep with because she is kind of dirty. She has never been what you would consider talented but has always excelled at keeping herself in the public eye. She is basically the same chick after marrying Ritchie outside of the fact that she has adopted a horribly fake sounding English accent. Acting has never been a strong point for Mrs. Ritchie. The true downfall of this callabo falls directly on the shoulders of husband Guy. Pre-Madonna Guy was the next great movie director. He was like the British Tarantino after making the films "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" and "Snatch". Then he married Madonna. His next film was the disaster "Swept Away" starring his talent less wife as lead actress. Many critics declared this film as the worst of all-time, and it nearly killed Ritchie's career as he didn't make another movie for over 3 years. In his latest attempt at cinema, "Revolver", Ritchie tried to channel his former self with another British gangster movie. It appears as though his succubus wife sucked both the life and creative genius out of Guy, as this one was critically slammed. Like I always say, never marry a complete and utter skank whom is self-named after the Virgin Mother. There are just way too many hell points there too stay safe.

No Guy, Ebert did not give “Swept Away” a thumbs up. Now punch your wife in the face and make a decent movie

The 27 and DJ -

About 3-4 months ago a rumor started around the DH camp. The 27 and DJ were collaborating on an article that could possibly change the face of this world as we know it. Occasionally an email would pop up declaring that the project was nearing completion. Now, a few months later, it appears as though the callabo was either a total hoax or would never make it to completion. Shame on you both 27 and DJ. You're better than that... remember Rule #72 from Wedding Crashers - No excuses; play like a champion!

Hitler and Mussolini -

I don't think this one needs much of an explanation.

Mussolini - "Hey Hitler... you were right, we do look great with our pants tucked into our boots... very macho!"
Hitler - "Shut up Mussolini! No smiling for ze picture!!"
Mussolini - "Such a temper! Now I'm very aroused"

The British and Food -

Seriously, if you have never tried authentic British cousine then you should consider yourself truly blessed. After that, you should consider taking your own life just to on the safe side... Some things are worse than death. You don't want to find yourself accidentally trapped at a dinner table eating true authentic British food. You're just gonna have to trust me on this one. The Brits should have learned by now that they need to import all of their food. They are surrounded by countries known for their great eats. Think about it, Spain, Italy, France, the list goes on. Even Germans make better food. If you don't believe me, here are a few real British delicacies. First off... blood pudding. This delicious treat is actually a pig's blood mixed with bread inside an intestinal lining. So it is basically a pig scab wrapped in intestines. Are you still hungry? I think I would actually rather eat a horse’s eye booger then get kicked in the shin. Here is another local gem - Meat Pies. Now this is not like a chicken pot pie that you and I may be used to, it is just disgusting meat inside a pie crust. What type of meat you ask? Well, there is kidney meat. Oh yeah, and blackbird meat. Seriously. Granted, Fish and Chips aren't too bad. But you can get the exact same thing at any Red Robin or Chili's in most any town in America. Their food is bland, flavorless and the British and food should be banned from ever collaborating to make another recipe again... ever.

Fancy more pig scab with your eggs gov'na?

Jamaicans and bobsledding -

Certain things just don't go together. Things like Rosie O'Donnell and the male species, the term "that thugged out French guy", Dick Cheney and a hunting license, and the Jamaicans and bobsledding. I've never been able to comprehend how a country that features A.) No snow B.) No mountains and C.) No snowy mountains could possibly field a bobsled team. This is the equivalent of an Antarctic Bikini Team or a spelling bee in the South. I can just imagine the conversation shortly before the historic first run of the Jamaican bobsled team….

"Hey mon! It is cold up 'ere! BO BO BO!!!"
"Everyting is gon’ be irie mon! Bumboclot!!"

Notice he is attempting to sprint on ice in adidas soccer shoes

Shockingly the team finished 14th, which they considered a victory. This is most likely due to the fact that they beat a team of Pygmies from Western Zambia. Of course this led to the critically unacclaimed movie “Cool Runnings” starring John Candy which was dubbed “Rocky on ice!”…. except completely different and not as funny.

John Candy… was it really worth the money?

J-Lo and Ja Rule –

It may seem like I have been overly hard on Ms. -Lo lately so let me first say this… she is extremely hot. That said, combining perhaps the worst pop singer with the worlds worst rapper can never be pleasing to the senses. Perhaps the masterminds that put these two together believed in the time tested theory that two negatives create a positive. Their mistake has resulted in the suffering of millions of innocent people for years, reaching its apex when they performed live together at the MTV music awards. If you haven’t seen this performance before, simply imagine Ashley Simpson performing live with a black William Hung and you have an accurate mental image. And what did they do to make amends for this public atrocity? They did another song together. These are the types of decisions that make the terrorists despise our country all the more.

No Ja and J-Lo… It ain’t funny… at all

Feel free to post your thoughts on the worst collabo’s on our message board (where they will most likely be mocked by our staff) or hit us up with them on gmail.