Rumor travels fast... somehow it has only been a few weeks since my trip to Nashville and DeadlyHippos.com has received almost hundreds of emails requesting the five Ws:

I don't think it's necessary to reproduce any of these emails in the text of this column, but as the Deadly Hippos writer most sober during the events, I shall endeavor to answer all of your many questions about the goings on in Music City.

First for those unfamiliar, let me first mention in passing that Nashville is nicknamed the Music City not because of its role in the origin of country music, but rather because every bar in the goddamn city has a live band play every night. I only mention this because it influenced our every evening, most of which ended up at a place called the Tin Roof, where a cover band regaled us every night with Nashville's greatest hits (Sweet Home Alabama and Rocky Top, to which all the Vandy kids respond with their middle fingers blazing).

On to the story. As you may not be aware, the staff of DH is composed of strangely isolated souls, most of us with nothing in common except for an allegiance to Clay, who is the ringmaster in our sordid circus. In fact Shaw has never been face to face with the two acronymed men (DJ and JT) that grace this site. And up until a few weeks ago, his only brush with KWo was documented in the photo you see on the right side of this page. So when the chance came to reunite a large portion of the seven of us, we all jumped to make plane reservations, except for DJ and JT, who frankly weren't invited because they make us feel short. And so it came to pass that Clay, the 27, KWo, Tardio, and Shaw descended on Nashville like a blitzkrieg. Also making appearances were many of the other oft-mentioned-on-DH troops who covered Clay so many years ago while he fought his way through Vandy Law: Weatherholt, Amir, Junaid, and, of course, the Duke.

Junaid, Maggie, Weatherholt

As such, during any and all outings, the score was Lawyers - 12, Laymen - 2 (Shaw and Lara). Not surprisingly, this demographic breakdown resulted in the group having an overwhelming desire to do what lawyers do best: spread their cash around, and get into high-minded arguments (especially KWo and the 27):

A Game Diary for the rest of the night, which did not include Tardio as he was with his girlfriend and came out late enough that I actually don't remember seeing him that night (my love, Tardio):

1. Perhaps the arguing got to us. Perhaps we were disenchanted with sports talk. Or perhaps we were just keen to get our drink on faster than a six pack of Miller Lites could do for us. Regardless of the reason, all of the sudden my leg was nonsexually grabbed by one KWo, who whispered (also nonsexually) that something was about to happen, and that I was invited. At that point, Amir, the 27, KWo, and Shaw all snuck away from our table to the bar in order to "do a shot." Much was made of our status as a "rebel band."

The rebels must be stopped!

2. It was decided when we reached the bar that certainly this long trek could not end with just one shot each... so we determined the only acceptable course of action was to order a round each all at the same time, so we could each do four in a row. Needless to say, this is the last photo I really remember being taken of the night. The rest of the night somehow the rebel band kept a firm allegiance, swearing to maintain an oath of intoxication until the morning should find us in a gutter somewhere (which didn't happen. I think.)

3. Everyone has a friend whose dancing is laughed at by the whole group and often impersonated. In my group of friends from college, apparently that person is me. (I once walked into my apartment to find my friend Jason dancing to the great amusement of his subjugated woman Heidi. Only after repeated queries was I informed that the laughter was owed to the fact that he was impersonating me. I did not recognize the moves as my own.) On Seinfeld, this person is Elaine. Apparently, at Vandy Law, that person was the 27. Though he did not break out his signature dance move, below you can see Clay and Amir doing their best to show the photographer what it looks like¹.

Shoulders up, head down, neck disappear... and, shake it.

4. After the rebel band dissipated for a few minutes, I decided to visit the restroom of the fine establishment which had been our home for 3 hours so far. In this restroom I found that there was a bathroom attendant and free mouthwash, mints, and cigars. Only after I confidently winked to the attendant, grabbed a cigar, tossed a dollar in the tip cup, and left to proclaim the free cigars to the others, was I told that the cigars were not, in fact, free, and cost $1.00. While I feel bad for accidentally stiffing the attendant, I do feel that there had to be some way of notifying the customers that the cigars weren't free.

5. Clay apparently also had some shots. He does not recall the taking of this photograph.

Perhaps he had just rented Pulp Fiction? Or perhaps he was doing the reverse rabbit ears, known to be much more unlucky than the behind-the-head ones.

6. We are reminded of an earlier discussion, wherein Clay and I determined that as opposed to our friend Japes, no one has ever looked at Clay's wife Lara and envied her situation.

"That Lara is such a lucky girl."

7. The Duke comes out of retirement to join us late at the bar. None of the three people in this picture had any idea they saw each other the next day.

8. The coup-de-gracé. Shaw is goaded into participating in a "dance-off" with the slutty girl who was dancing sluttily in the bar when we first arrived. Her moves gave her away as a stripper. Her later taunts that she was a "professional" cemented the deal. But her jeans tucked into her boots... priceless.

Profile shots of me are never very flattering.

9. Despite her proclamation that I "dance like a white boy" and the fact that I do, in fact, dance like a white boy, somehow I eke out a victory in the dance contest, decided by popular vote. Shaw wins, 1-0. (Lara was the only one who voted, everyone else was laughing too hard)

Note the envy reflected in the eyes of the bystanders.

10. I spend a few minutes (this is actually true) plotting this portion of my Nashville column, making an actual written note on my hand to remember to reference JT's column about winning a dance contest as a white guy. I then spend a few more minutes trying to interpret what I had just written on my hand. And just like that...

11. I wake up in Clay's spare room with a shock.

12. KWo and the 27 wake up bodies akimbo in their hotel beds with a shock.

13. Tardio wakes up twisted into the arms of a tender loving embrace with his girlfriend.

14. KWo is informed by Junaid that he barely escaped being bodily thrown out of a late-night eatery for pestering the clientele.

15. Before he can finish mocking KWo, the 27 is informed by Junaid that he spent a few seconds humping a wall in said eatery.

Nearly the Last Supper for both.

Apparently there is video of some of the events of January 14th. I hope this never sees the light of day.

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