The other night I was flipping through the channels during a commercial break in Lost, and I happened across a musical performance by none other than Jamie Foxx. The same Jamie Foxx from In Living Color, the same Jamie Foxx who won Best Actor at last years Oscars.... Maybe you've heard of him. I had always heard that Jamie participated in the music industry (mainly in Kanye West tracks), but I always thought it was just a funny joke. Like Eddie Murphy singing or Keanu Reeves acting, I never thought he could actually carry a tune. But after watching a couple minutes of his performance... He actually has a decent voice. And I somewhat enjoyed his songs, not because I thought that they were good, but because it sounded like the lyrics were written by Smoove B from The Onion. Seriously Jaime... how good at "sexing" can you possibly be? How many different ways can you sex girls up and bone them down?

"I will place the finest scented perfumes in your bath water, and rub your body with the smoothest moisturizers when you are finished.... and then I will hit you doggy style all night long"

I started thinking how ugly yet talented Foxx is. And I started wondering when enough exposure is enough for one person. How many times a day can the American public see and hear the same person before it is just too much to handle? Then I came to a shocking realization. Jaime Foxx and Jennifer Lopez are exactly the same.... and yet they are completely opposite. You may be thinking that this kind of logic is on the same level as Brian Fantana's Sex Panther studies (They've done studies you know, 60% of the time it works every time) but just bear with me for a few minutes and let me explain:

Origins -

Both Jaime Foxx and J-Lo started on the same show in the early 90's, this show of course was In Living Color. Jaime was best known for his character "Wanda" in which he dressed in drag playing up his hideously repulsive visage to fill our Sunday evenings with laughter. I, for one, laughed heartily.

Oh my goooodness!!

At this same time there was J-Lo, dancing her heart out for us before and after commercial breaks in her fluorescent spandex outfit, shaking it to the latest hit from Public Enemy, Rob Base, or The Black Sheep that DJ SW-1 was droppin' on our asses. She wasn't the J-Lo we know today, she was just a pudgy, pale skinned lass with short cropped hair and dreams of making it big. And make it big she did.

If you're anything like me, at this time you turned to your parents and said, "Mom... Dad... one day that pudgy pale skinned fly girl is going to sell millions of records. And that incredibly ugly blonde girl 'Wanda' is going to win the Oscar for Best Actor."

You can't prove that I didn't say that.

Over-exposure -

Since the year 2000, J-Lo has had 6 albums, countless additional singles, been married / engaged 4 times, and been in 10 movies. And I am sad to announce that for 2006 she has 4 more movies in production. She has also released her own perfume and clothing line and has been in seemingly every magazine outside of Playboy (fingers crossed). Basically for the last 5+ years it has been impossible to turn on the TV, radio, or pick up a magazine and not see her within a 10 minute time period. I guess it could be worse though, at least she is hot.

Admit it, this picture makes you want to buy whatever she is selling

Since 2001 Jaime Foxx has been in 9 movies (6 in the last 2 years) and has 3 more in production for 2006. He has also been laying vocals for several hip-hop artists, well... mainly Kanye West and Twista, and recently released his second CD (apparently he released one in 1995 called "Peep This") which rose to #1 on the charts in its second week and has already reached platinum status. This has led to the aforementioned TV concert and undoubtedly we will be hearing and seeing much from Mr. Wanda in the next couple of months.

Talent -

Up to now you've probably been thinking, "Wow! Jaime Foxx and J-Lo are almost identical! I wonder where JT came up with this craz y theory that they are also opposite?" Well here is where the two start to contrast drastically. They have both been very successful, this fact is not really debatable. However, they have achieved success in very different ways. The first way to achieve success is through talent, so lets compare the two in this department:

There is no doubt that Jaime Foxx is a talented individual. The fact that he has won an Oscar and an Emmy puts him in the company of Sinatra, Streisand, and Bing Crosby. Not bad. Last year he nearly swept the actor categories at the Oscars winning lead actor and being nominated for supporting actor. But then, when you look like Jaime and you are successful in show business, then you absolutely have to be talented.

J-Lo on the other hand.... how can I put this nicely... is talently challenged. I have been told that she is a very good dancer, after all she did get her start as a Fly Girl. However, I don't feel as though I am capable of a fair and unbiased opinion about her skills in dance., after about 5 seconds of staring at her scantily clad body gyrating I lose the ability for rational thought. That said her acting and vocal talents could be described as adequate, If by adequate you mean screechingly awful. If you have seen her in the movie Gigli you know exactly what I'm talking about. Or in The Wedding Planner or Jersey Girl. Or Maid in Manhattan, Angel Eyes, Shall We Dance, or Monster In Law. Or if you've heard the songs Love Don't Cost a Thing, or I'm Real, or Ain't It Funny, or.... I think you get the point. She is not talented.

Concert patron #1 - "Dude, do you think she is a good singer?"
Concert patron #2 - "Shut up dude, I think she's about to turn around!"

Attractiveness -

The second way to success is through looks. And once again these two could not be further apart on the beauty scale.

Jaime Foxx is not an attractive man. The good lord did not bless him with pleasing looks. But like many entertainers before him (Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Clay Aiken, etc) money and personal stylist have done wonders and made them at least presentable. But money can't buy everything, and Foxx is still not much to look at, because beneath the facials and thousand dollar suits is that same ugly face that made Wanda so popular.

I guess looks aren't everything

On the other end of the scale is J-Lo. She is undoubtedly gorgeous and has one god-given asset that follows her everywhere she walks. This has brought her fame and success far beyond what her talents should have achieved her. In what is true insight into the male psyche, this bulbous gift and stunning features have resulted in her adding #1 albums and movies to her resume. I guess Derek Zoolander wasn't right, maybe there isn't more to life than being really, really, really, ridiculously good looking.

Actually, maybe looks are everything

Now I think you all see my point. While they may have used different paths to get to this obscene level of fame, Foxx used his talents, J-Lo used her amazing ass(ets), these two are mirror images of each other in terms of over-exposure and success. Pretty soon we will see the J-Lo at the Oscars and Jaime Foxx introduce his new line of cologne.... Just kidding, we know J-Lo will never touch an Oscar.

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