I recently received an email from friend and avid DH reader TJones (who by the way might very well be the current MVR of our site... Most Valuable Reader).  It was an email that got my mind a buzzin', this is what it said:

Now I have seen MIB several times myself but had yet to consider the possibility that it may in fact be truth, and not fiction.  So I started considering the possibility that there are aliens actually living among us disguised as human beings.  After nearly 4 minutes of careful deliberation I came up with my own list of possible aliens and why I believe they aren't human and combined them with TJones suggestions.  Of course I left out the ones mentioned in the movie (Michael Jackson, Danny Devito, Sly Stallone, etc.) Enjoy....

Tom Cruise -

If you really think about it, Tom was always batshit crazy.  Just before he was being crazy in movies so we thought he was just pretending.  Once he started jumping on Oprah's couch though we came to the realization that he was never acting, it was just his true alien form accidentally revealing itself.  Plus he is a Scientologist... case closed.

The alien in Tom Cruise takes control of his body to do the Romulan War Dance on Oprah

Randy Johnson -

He is 7 foot tall with a mustache and wild nearly uncontrollable mullet.  His face is covered in more craters than that glorious dustball we call our moon.  Add in the fact that he can throw a baseball faster than any known human and he hates having his picture taken and you realize this isn't much of a disguise.

When Randy first arrived at our planet, he mistook the mullet for a sign of power and intellect... he was mistaken

David Lee Roth -

I loved Dave in Van Halen.  He had a great perm, his makeup looked wonderful and he surrounded himself with plenty of bikini clad women and wore spandex clothing.  But hey, it was the 80's and everyone was dressing like him.  However, lately he appears as though his human shell has been neglected and is slowly decaying.  I keep waiting for the day when the crotch area of his pants splits wide open and his penis reveals itself to be his true alien form.  

Too many years behind leather pants decayed the rest of David's alien form

Steve Buscemi -

Steve looks like was taken out of the human mold before it had proper time to cool off.  Thus leaving him with a rather melted looking appearance, and dark circles under his pinkish hued eyes.  Plus how could a man this ugly get so many good roles in good movies?  There must be alien powers at work...

I was in Pulp Fiction, Fargo and The Sopranos... how else can you explain it?

Rosie O'Donnell -

I actually believe that Rosie's body was taken over around the time she came out of the closet.  Pre- coming out she was an occasionally semi-funny big boned lady with a successful talk show.  Post coming out she became a never funny jobless super lesbo trying to bring back the Flock of Seagulls hairstyle.  Plus she had a weird obsession for Tom Cruise, whom I have already proven to be an alien.  Sometimes I'm so right, I just wanna be wrong.

Rosie shows her disgust in all things male... except Tom Cruise of course

Clint Howard -

Simply put... worst alien disguise ever.

"I am not what you would call a handsome man. The good Lord chose not to bless me with... with charm, athletic ability... or a fully functional brain."

David Bowie -

David's alien was never really sure what form to take, or how to assimilate so it tried its hand in many different styles.  There was the red-headed mullet gay pirate guitar player phase,  blonde haired disco faze, the aging hipster phase and of course the Mick Jagger's gay lover phase (allegedly).  Somehow he ended up marrying a beautiful supermodel despite all of this.  A beautiful supermodel who hasn't aged in nearly 25 years.  This of course means that she must also be an alien.

Alien David- Pictured with wife Iman on right and pictured with cameltoe on left.

Prince -

This one is pretty obvious.  He's about 5'2" tall, not good looking, always has bizarre facial hair, and occasionally wears assless chaps... yet he holds some strange power over women leaving them desperate to sleep with him.  Well, at least women who are now over 40.  Throw in the fact that he is apparently freakishly good at basketball (according to Charlie Murphy) and there is little left to doubt.

Game..... Blouses

Neville Longbottom -

I don't know what this kid's real name is but I do know that his front teeth are actually home to a pair of small aliens that control his human form. 

The mouth must stay open so the aliens can see

Joan Rivers -

They really broke the mold with Joan.... seriously, the mold really broke so when they had to remake her a couple of years ago she kind of resembled the original but was a bit more scary.  There is no way you don't agree with me on this one.  It's almost like she isn't even trying to hide it anymore. 

It rubs the lotion on its skin... It does this whenever it's told

Gary Busey -

No one can be this crazy and not be locked up.  No one.  So the only logical explanation is that the MIB is letting him live outside of the asylum until they can prepare his ship to return him to his home planet... because if he isn't sent home soon Gary will single handedly blow the whole cover-up wide open.

An actual Busy quote - "my dark side, my shadow, my lower companion is now in the back room blowing up balloons for kids' parties."

Delonte West -

Just another bad disguise here.  They can't get them all right I guess.  But Delonte's disguise seems particularly obvious.  The Chihuahua like ears would give him away by themselves... but then there is that strange red area on his face....

Hey Delonte.  You got a little something on your face... I
know you can hear me Delonte 

Carl Herrera -

You may not know who Carl is, but he is definitely an alien.  Whether it is of the illegal alien or the otherworldly version is up for debate but, I will submit the following picture as evidence and you can decide for yourselves... I think you know where I stand.

Contrary to your home planet, most people don't wear silver
masks while playing basketball Carl. 

Whoopi Goldberg -

With teeth so white they look like they were made out of Rose McGowan's skin, and a mouth so big it looks like it is swallowing Hillary Swank... while Hillary is swallowing Yao Ming in her colossal mouth... Whoopi has left little doubt as to her true origin.  Plus the only thing that closely resembles her hair is that of the Predator.  Of course he happens to be an alien... Checkmate Whoopi... checkmate.

You are one ugly muthaf*@cka

*editor's note: Whoopi also played an alien character in Star Trek TNG... the evidence is mounting.\

This is literally just a few of the many people in the entertainment industry that could be from another planet.  There just isn't enough space to fit them all in.  Here are some of the hhonorable mention... Chris Andersen, Star Jones, Wang ZiuZiu, Edward James Olmos, Barbara Streisand, Vincent Schiavelli, Bill Duke, William Defoe, Jamie Lee Curtis, Popeye Jones, etc. 

I could sit around and think of hundreds of possible invaders from other planets.  But, as TJones so eloquently put it in his email...

There are so many more of these, but I need to get some work done.

If you know of any other possible alien intruders, hit us up on our message board.  Or send us your thoughts at deadlyhippos@gmail.com.