Beauty and the Geek, that "social experiment" brought to us by one of the premier thespians, and now producers, of our time – Ashton Kutcher – is upon us again. It was wildly successful in its first season, if a show on WB can be "wildly successful." In honor of Clay Travis, I offer the first "game diary" of Beauty and the Geek, episode 2:

0:01: During the opening previews, we get yet another fleeting shot of Sarah removing her sweater to reveal a skin-tight tank top struggling to keep her gargantuan breasts in check. She mistakenly forgot her bra this episode. This is easily the 42 nd time we have been given this shot in a preview for this episode, and, thanks to the beautiful interplay of TiVO and its "pause" button, I am able to extend it beyond its fleeting nature to about 4 minutes.

Looks braless to me...

0:02: In the "Previously on Beauty and the Geek" segment, we are brought up to date. The premise of the show is that, each week, two couples win a challenge. These couples then select two couples to go to the elimination round, at which time the selected couples battle to see who gets to "stay in the mansion…da da da…" The first week, however, the winner of the challenge got to break up one of the couples. Chris decided, instead of breaking up a couple, that he would break up himself and his partner. You can only imagine the confused look this brought amongst the gorgeous geniuses.

0:03: As the actual episode starts, Chris predicts that, if anyone takes him to the elimination round, he'll beat them "like it's junior high." Understandably, the undeniably hot but stupid Tristin is confused by the simile. After laughing at her stupidity, I realize that I don't get it either.

"Chris" takes a break from his duties as CTO founder of Google

0:06: The challenge this episode is for the geeks to sing karaoke. The girls are to compete in a sort of quasi-political debate on predetermined subjects such as the environment and taxation. At 0:06, Brittany – the hot girl whose face is frozen such that it looks like she's made of clay – announces that she'll be good at the environmental questions because she took an international marketing class at college. That beckons three questions: (1) Where did Brittany go to college? (2) What is international marketing? And (3) What?

0:14: I realize this is a different host than last year. How do you get fired as host of Beauty and the Geek? Did he get promoted to some awful show on Fox? Is he now guest-hosting for the short, balding guy on Fear Factor?

0:16: Sarah, the girl with the steel nipples, rips off her shirt during her partner's karaoke performance. This is the shot that has been previewed for weeks now. Again, thank God for TiVo.

0:18: Brittany, I mean "Frozen Face," announces that she and her partner are pulling up their sleeves so as to apply a 1980s theme to their karaoke performance. What? I was alive in the 80s, and everyone didn't walk around with their guns exposed. It didn't matter – WB happily informed us that the song they sang came out in 1978.

0:19: The crowd votes on the winners of the karaoke contest using contraptions that look like crosses between Atari joysticks, TI-81s, and the things used for the crowd lifeline on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

0:24: Tyson, the token Asian man on this show, whose occupation is "World Record Holder in Rubik's cube," wins the karaoke challenge by weaving solving a Rubik's cube into his performance of "Rock Steady."

0:29: Tristin, who's so hot you could fry an egg on her, informs us that we can stop pollution by turning off our refrigerators.

0:30: In the "I don't really think that's the right saying" part of this episode, Thais (yes, that's her name) informs us that she will give 101% during the competition.

0:30: Amanda, only slightly hotter than Tristin but a smidgen less hot than Jessica Alba, cannot muster an answer to the question she's given about global warming. Thus, she begins dancing.

0:35: Cher (yes, that's her name) wins the debating challenge.

0:36: In the post-challenge celebration, the Beauties and Geeks have a toga party. After the Geeks show no interest in Jennipher (that's not a typo), she remarks "Most guys would be trying to do something sexual. That's not their focus." Jennipher, maybe it's just you.

0:39: Tyson picks Chris and Tristin to go to the elimination chamber. Brandon and Amanda are also chosen. I shudder thinking that Amanda – maybe the hottest on the show – may be leaving.

0:40: Tristin cries. Thais cries. I don't know why.

0:41: Tristin announces "It's go time! It's go time!" As she prepares to go to the elimination round. I visualize a coked-up LT banging his head up against a locker ready to take the field in Super Bowl XXV. Tristin does not look like Lawrence Taylor.

0:45: Amanda uses "ironic" in a sentence. Correctly.

0:47: Tristin informs us that the White House is stationed at "1 White House Road, Washington, DC, United States of America." Close, Tristin, really close.

0:48: Tristin informs us that Thomas Jefferson is on the $10 bill. You'll get the next one right.

0:49: Amanda informs us that Afghanistan is the capital of Iraq. Not quite.

0:53: Brandon misses his final question, causing Brandon and Amanda to be ejected from the mansion. This is quite a shame since Amanda is likely the hottest girl on the show. Tristin is overcome with emotion at the sight of seeing Amanda – the person with whom she spent the majority of the 29 hours they had in the mansion – leave.

0:56: A commercial for "7th Heaven." Has anyone ever actually seen this show? It looks like "Full House" on right-wing steroids. The commercial for "7 th Heaven" leads into previews for next week's "Beauty and the Geek," which looks phenomenal. We can only hope and pray that Sarah once again accidentally forgets a bra.

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