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I hate Bradlee Van Pelt
9/9/05
by JT

This past weekend at the aforementioned Rocky Mountain Showdown between the beloved Buffaloes of Colorado and the downtroden future bankruptcy filers from Colorado State University, former CSU Ram QB and eternal asshole Bradlee Van Pelt managed to make headlines by wearing a t-shirt with derogatory insults towards CU, exchanging foul verbiage with the CU alumni section and eventually standing on the bench and extending personal greetings to said section by way of both middle fingers. He did all this while on the sidelines of the field.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Bradlee (ie. everyone who lives outside of Colorado) he is currently the backup QB for the Denver Broncos. So lets just say his behavior was not approved by many in the great square state and after a "private meeting" with coach Mike Shannahan (in the football world this would be similar to Tony Soprano having a sitdown with one of his capo's after they came up light in payments one month, or having a meeting with Suge Knight after declaring you are leaving Death Row Records) a public apology was made and little was done to tarnish the reputation of CSU as "Classless State University." You would think a professional athlete would have the common sense to realize that he is performing these actions on the sideline at one of the biggest games in the state. The state in which the NFL team that employs you plays on Sundays, and that it would not go unnoticed by your employers or their fans. But then again, he does bear the brunt of a CSU education in his abnormally large head, so he most likely didn't think of it.

This leads me to my next point; I hate Bradlee Van Pelt. And it pains me to hate him because I have been a Broncos fan as long as I can remember, and this is the first time I have ever truly hated a player currently on the roster. But it's true, I really hate him. And it's not just because he used to play for CSU, although that is a contributing factor, there are many many more reasons. Such as:

1. He spells his name like a 15 year old high school girl. Bradlee? Seriously Bradlee?

2. He acts like a white trash redneck, but he is from Santa Barbara and his dad was in the NFL. So he is either pretending to be white trash because he thinks its cool, or he just lived in Fort Collins for too long.

3. In his lone career victory against CU he spiked the ball off CU safety Medford Moore's helmet after scoring a touchdown. CSU has not beat CU again since that day.

4. He has a mullet.

5. People in Fort Collins talk about him like he is a God, yet he held a career record of 23-15 in his 3 years as a starter for CSU while playing in the powerhouse Mountain West Conference. I guess that's considered good for them.

6. Did I mention he spells his name with two e's?

7. The local media in Colorado gives him more attention than most of the starters. I can't figure out why this is. They think we are interested because he is a "local boy" even though he grew up in California and resides there in the off-season. If this is indeed what makes you a local than I would now like to announce that I am a local to Crenshaw, California. Because I stayed there for 4 summers and winter breaks while my Dad lived there when I was a kid. I except suitable media attention to follow.

8. As a second string NFL QB he is likely the most successfull CSU alum in the NFL. Well, actually Joey Porter of the Steelers is more successful, but he tried to come to a club in Denver 2 years ago and we shot him in the ass. http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/Central/08/31/denver.shooting/

9. It's not even a cool mullet, like one you do as a joke for halloween or something, it's just a really bad haircut.

10. He has an accent as though he is from the south... again he is from Santa Barbara.

I could go on about my loathing of this man, but I am getting angry just typing about him. Since he plays for my Broncos now, and with the start of the NFL season upon us I just don't know if I can handle that. Every morning I pray to the football gods to keep Jake Plummer healthy. Because if it ever came to a point where I had to cheer for Van Pelt in order to cheer for the Broncos, I would have to move to Canada.

Here is to the Broncos winning the Super Bowl this year and Bradlee Van Pelt snapping his leg like The Macho Man does a slimjim.

If you share in JT's hatred towards Bradlee Van Pelt feel free to comment on our message board.