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An open letter to the NCAA
10/31/05
by JT
Recently the NCAA announced its ban on all Native American mascots. I sent the following letter to NCAA President Miles Brand regarding this issue:
Dear Miles Brand,
I read recently that you will not allow the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign to host a college basketball tournament this year due to their derogatory name the Fighting Illini, deeming it offensive towards Native Americans. I also have seen that you placed a ban on all NCAA teams using Native Americans as mascots, requiring that they must change their names that will come into effect Feb 1st of 2006 (http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/news/story?id=2125735). I say kudos to you Mr. Brand! It is high time we ended this blatantly offensive use of the names of these prideful Native American Nations such as the Florida State Seminoles, Illinois Fighting Illini, North Dakota Fighting Sioux, etc.
Chief Osceola throws his flaming spear into the ground
to start every Florida State football game, this is offensive
I would also like to thank you for letting Notre Dame slide on this issue. I mean, as a 1/8th Irish American I am, and should be, thoroughly offended by the use of Notre Dame's Fighting Irish nickname. I feel that the picture of an angry leprechaun with its fists up in a 1920's boxing stance could be considered disrespectful to some, but since it has not fallen into your list of schools with offensive mascots, I now realize I was wrong.
This mascot is not an offensive stereotype of a drunken
Irish guy in a bar fight
I'm sure this has nothing to do with the multi-millions of dollars that Notre Dame makes the NCAA in both revenues and merchandising and everything to do with the fact that a Fighting Irish leprechaun as a mascot is not a stereotype of the drunken Irish bar brawlers of legend. This stereotype is a falsehood anyway. As many here at the DH staff can attest, I am part Irish and very rarely drunk nor do I get confrontational in the rare situation in which I may have had a "few too many". Sure there was the time when I got drunk and slapped a guy in the drive through at Taco Bell, and I did fly out to Ireland last year to drink on St. Patrick’s Day... where I nearly got in a fight, and my drinking habits have been compared to Sid Vicious crossed with Motley Crüe, and also some might say that they have never met me when I'm sober.... but don't believe those Irish stereotypes for a second. They just aren't true. In fact I have discovered several differences between the mascot pictured earlier and real life Irish.
1. When you offend a drunken Irish guy in Ireland he will not try to box you 1920's style... he will break a glass of Guinness over your head then kick you in the stomach. He will most likely be wearing a tank top with tight trousers and army boots rather than a green suit with yellow shoes.
Guinness - The weapon of the drunken Irish man
2. When offending a drunken Irish guy in Boston (simply saying that the Red Sox suck is an easy way) he will not try to box you either, he will hit you in the head with a baseball bat then stab you repeatedly. He may also get the phone number of the girl you like, then stick it against the window of which you are sitting next to and ask "how you like them apples?"
Common drunken Irish behavior in Boston
3. When you offend drunken Irish football player in a bar in South Bend rather than box you they prefer to choke themselves until they pass out right before they were about to vanquish you.
The Irish in Notre Dame choke
4. If you get in a fight with a real drunken Irish leprechaun they will never try to box you 1920's style. They will put some sort of magical curse on you which will most likely result in a horrific and painful death, such as having your stomach grotesquely stretched by pot of gold, then ripped open. After this they will steal any gold you may have on you.
Don't take a real Leprechaun's gold, or offend him while he is drinking
If any non-Irish simpletons give you grief about the Fighting Irish mascot, feel free to reference the above list to silence them in shame.
Again, thank you Mr. Brand for fighting the politically correct fight for us all, and for recognizing the differences between obviously offensive mascots such as the Fighting Illini from the innocuous and innocent mascots like the Fighting Irish, or Fighting Mexicans if there is such a team.
Sincerely,
JT
Staff Writer
Deadly Hippos
www.deadlyhippos.com
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