previous column	deadlyhippos home	next column

Shaw's first ever game diary
10/26/05
by Shaw

(-4). But not who you'd think. Shaw didn't watch any football on TV on Saturday this week. Instead he attended a college game with Giller in the Atlantic 10: Hofstra v. Richmond. While this game may not be of interest to fans of Division I with only one A (as opposed to Division I-AA), I hope you'll give me the same attention you gave Clay when he reviewed Vandy v. Richmond in September. So yes, this is the second time we have run a football game diary featuring the University of Richmond. We promise it won't happen again.

(-3). When I decided to do this column I realized that I run the risk of stepping in Clay's shadow. I hope my lack of knowledge of sports will convince you this is not the case:

(-2). I should preface this by saying I did not bring a notebook to this game because I didn't think it would be looked upon favorably by the football-watching masses, which means that my memory of the play-by-play details is hazy.

(-1). We went to this game because a friend of mine used to play TE for Miami--first behind Jeremy Shockey, then behind Kellen Winslow, and then behind Greg Olsen. While he enjoyed receiving a National Championship ring and attending the Ohio State game in uniform, he decided he needed to go somewhere they would let him play more than 5 minutes a game on goal line plays, and thus transferred to Hofstra in Long Island for his senior year. Hofstra, where his oldest brother played in the 90s and his younger brother plays DB now. As you might guess, being with the family is, in a word, intimidating:

Sebald brothers

Shockey	Winslow	Olsen

Though he doesn't play there anymore, Brandon Sebald's used Miami jersey is for sale online...

0. Expecting to see the same pregame traffic I have gotten used to at D-I games, Giller and I allow extra time to arrive and find parking. This proves to be unnecessary as not only are there no cars on the highway but there are no cars near the stadium and only about 20 people tailgating. We decide to go into Richmond proper to find an open location that serves food and, finding none, we get back on the highway and eat at a Friendly's at some exit. It's going to be a long day.

1. Arrive at the University of Richmond "stadium". Have you ever seen this piece of architecture? There is no explanation for it, except that it looks like a high school football field. In fact the field my high school played its regional games on was noticeably nicer.

This is as large as the hometown crowd got.

2. In the parking lot, we are approached by Richmond cheerleaders carrying a plate of sausages, which they offer to us. Giller remarks that this is the second time that day he is offered meat by a woman. I can't recall the first, but I know there was one.

3. There are no students in the Richmond section. This surprises me, but then I remember that the UR campus is 2 miles away. Who would go to this school?, I wonder.

4. Richmond is in first place in the A-10 South. Their record is 4-1 in conference, and 4-3 for the season, including the previously mentioned loss at Vanderbilt during Vandy's Family Weekend (the last game Vandy won, I notice). I don't know what this means because I don't know anything about Division I-AA football. The only reason for bringing this up is that Richmond has a tendency to sneak up on schools when they are the unknown. For instance when Richmond came to play basketball at GW, my friend Jason and I wondered "who the hell are the Richmond Spiders?" Clay's response: "I bet you they have higher SAT scores than GW." After Richmond beat us soundly to the chagrin and shock of our student section, we went home and found that, indeed, the average SAT scores at Richmond bested GW's by 30 points.

5. While waiting for the game to begin it occurs to me that I don't, in general, care about the results of most I-AA in general, and the national scene, as a whole, eludes me, so it shouldn't surprise me that there are no UR fans at this game as they probably don't care either--in fact I would guess that half of them have season tickets to the Cavaliers or VTech.

6. The game begins with a first-down completion to Sebald, already more action than I have ever seen him get despite traveling to a great distance to four Miami games (at UT, UT at Miami, at Pittsburgh, and at UVA) to see him. Already I am confident Hofstra will win. After all, Brandon is by a sight the largest player on the field.

7. Sebald throws a huge block on a Richmond linebacker who looks like a squirrel being devoured by a Doberman.

8. I instinctively look to the Jumbtron for an instant replay.

9. There is no Jumbotron at Richmond. Just a big plastic tarp with a picture of a Spider on the scoreboard.

Here's where the Jumbotron should be. This also gives away some information about the game.

10. Another first down reception for Sebald. Chris Sebald (younger brother) is in on half of the tackles that occur in the 1st quarter. This is awesome.

11. Hofstra kicks it away on 4th and long. Richmond drives it all the way down field and scores. This sucks.

12. Richmond gets the ball again after the Pride goes 3 and out. They drive all the way down again, and somehow HU blocks the FG attempt and then scores on a 44 yard pass. It's awesome again.

13. Hofstra connects on a... was that... a flea flicker? Answer: yes. Here's hoping they try the oopty oop.

14. Somehow it's Hofstra leading 24-10 at halftime, despite the best efforts of the referees to the contrary. Things are looking good.

15. I actually don't remember if there was a halftime show. I don't think so. It did seem weird that the Richmond Spiders mascot was only at the game for about 5 minutes. Instead there was this guy in a Papa Johns Pizza costume walking about and shaking hands with some reluctant kids. Ironically, the Papa Johns inside the "stadium" was out of pizza almost immediately after it opened.

That's him, on the right there. Spongebob Pizzapants.

16. After halftime, 30 Richmond students enter the stadium, which brings the total number of non-family members on the Richmond fans' side to... 30.

17. All of the sudden, Richmond's quarterback Stacy (really?) Tutt starts keeping the ball on every other play. I'm not sure why but this continues to be the Richmond strategy for the rest of the game. It's like a flag football game in college where your quarterback is not only the only person on your team who can throw, but also the only person who can catch or run the ball, too. Somehow magically, ESPN has these stats but it took a while to find them: Tutt ran for 74 yards on 27 carries (not a typo), compared with the slightly more efficient Marcus Vick, who last week carried the ball (against my very own Terps) 16 times for 133 yards. What is slightly more infuriating is that no one on the Hofstra coaching staff seems to notice this, so they do not cover him on the run even once. Maybe it's because there's no booth, so no one on the coaching staff can even see the game. Unless that makeshift clear tent we saw on the way in was functioning as a booth.

18. It becomes evident that the referees are all Richmond residents and probably have kids on the team, as they make three ridiculous holding calls in a row against Hofstra and only call a penalty on the Spiders when they can find another penalty on Hofstra to offset them.

19. The A-10 refs also have to have a 3 minute conference before making every call. Giller and I keep hoping that someone will tell the Umpire the proper terminology so he'll stop announcing that "That penalty is refused." Makes my skin crawl.

20. Richmond scores. Hofstra scores. Extra point blocked. I have never seen an extra point blocked live before. After this I can say: it seems pretty embarassing.

21. Richmond gets set up for a FG. The pretty vocal Hofstra fan two rows down from us gets really worked up. He's totally convinced it's going to be a fake. If I ever hear anyone yell, "Watch the fake!!!" in the 3rd quarter at 4th and 7 on the 20 again, I will kill him. I hate that guy.

22. I really hate that guy. If I kill him, I hope that I can get sentenced to the Golden Grove Adult Correctional Facility on St. Croix, where hopefully Clay can be my pro bono defense attorney.

St. Croix: where even prison is paradise.

23. In the fourth quarter, the game actually gets exciting: Richmond is down 30-24 and drives all the way down the field in the last two minutes. They are shut down on 4th down, and we all celebrate, because obviously Hofstra wins. But of course the refs find a penalty to call on Hofstra, so on their next chance Tutt throws a 29 yard pass to score again. Tied at 30-30. All Richmond needs to do is kick the extra point to win.

24. What do you know, they miss. I have also never seen a missed extra point live before this. They should suit me up and put me on the field. At least I would miss entertainingly.

25. Hofstra has the ball with 1:30, and get to 4th down on their own 30, so they have to kick it away. Richmond blocks the punt. This is ridiculous.

26. Richmond has the ball on the Pride 30 yard line with 9 seconds left. Guess what happens.

27. Right. They miss the field goal. I'm actually getting bored of blocked and missed kicks. It's like watching a tennis match where no one ever holds their serve: after a while you come to expect the kicks to miss and it sort of loses its lustre. Come on.

28. Tie game, 37-37. Overtime.

29. In overtime, they trade touchdowns, and then Hofstra fails to score. When Richmond gets the ball back, they (obviously) don't bother trying to kick it and instead opt for the 15 yard pass to score and win the game.

30. The 20 or so fans on the Richmond side try to muster together some kind of cheer but are drowned out by my voice at talking volume.

31. Fortunately the Sebalds are the nicest people I have ever met. Otherwise it would be really uncomfortable sitting in the stands with a bunch of guys who are really mad about the outcome of a game and could kill me with a literal flick of the wrist.

32. After the game we go and talk to Chris and Brandon before they board the team bus, as is our custom. It is clear that he is not happy about the end result of the game. He offers an apology for not being able to win the game for us. This touches me deeply and I resolve to hate Richmond forever.

33. I will hate Richmond forever.

34. I'm not sure why I numbered these. Certainly there is no reason too, and Clay was confused by my negative numbers. Maybe next time I will use fractions.

________________________

Discuss this and any other column deadlyhippos.com column at our message board.