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Seven reasons why Colorado is better than Tennessee
10/20/05
by JT
The last few weeks disturbing events have occurred on this site and I can no longer sit idly by watching and hoping for it to stop. I'm talking of course about the overabundance of Tennessee college football articles. This Dixie bias on our site can no longer be tolerated. Being from the west coast and living in Colorado for most my life, I could care less about the trials and tribulations of the Tennessee fan. I am a Colorado fan. So I give to the DH Nation the top 7 reasons why Colorado is better than Tennessee. (why 7 you ask? Because resident mathmetician SHAW enjoys prime numbers). Admittedly this argument became much tougher when Texas pasted Colorado, but I can take some solace in the fact that the real UT (Texas) would beat the weak-UT by even more and has a better orange colored uniform.
1. Records-
Colorado - 4-2
Tennessee - 3-2
This is the most glaring example of Colorado's superiority to Tennessee.
A Colorado player celebrates after hearing his team has a better record than Tennessee.
2. - Mascots-
The beginning of a Colorado Buffaloes game is a site to behold. Smoke begins to bellow out of the tunnel, the fans start screaming like Zach De La Rocha after 6 red bulls, and then a 2,000 pound Buffalo comes sprinting out of the stadium, six handlers holding on for dear life with the team following.... we're ready to play some football. At a CU vs. Nebraska game in 1996 Ralphie broke loose from his handlers and nearly mauled the entire Cornhusker team and their cheerleaders, it was amazing.
Tennessee has a cute doggy named Smokey who hangs out on the sideline panting, taking naps, occasionally taking a break to bark or urinate on some equipment.
I don't think I need to explain which one is better.
Ralphie tramples his holders
Smokey tries to bite his shadow
3. Uniforms -
Look, l know there is something to be said about having recognizable team colors, but Tennessee's sherbert orange and white is taking it too far. Tennessee fans are like the parents with the repulsively ugly baby, everyone knows how ugly it is with the exception of the parents, but no one has the heart to tell them because they know how angry they will get. Well my friends, I believe honesty is the best policy. So I am just going to say it.... Tennessee, your uniforms are grotesque. I'm sorry to have to break it to you. But like the ugly baby you can't just throw them away so you are stuck with them. I am truly sorry.
The Buffaloes colors on the otherhand inspire confidence and greatness. Black and Gold. Good strong colors. They look mean in their home uni's and even meaner when they don their all-blacks. This one isn't even a contest, the Buffs have the better uniforms by a landslide.
They don't look happy to be wearing these colors, I can't blame them.
Lawrence Vickers increases JT's nonsexual crush by drop-kicking CSU's punter.
4. Heisman Trophy winners -
Colorado 1
Tennessee 0
Rashaan Salaam runs to catch his dealer... and wins the Heisman.
Now granted our Heisman Trophy winner Rashaan Salaam ended up smoking himself out of the league with his "marijuana addiction", but at least we've had a Heisman winner at our school. Not even Peyton brought one home for you guys... nor did he bring you a title.
5. The Cities -
I have never been to the splendid cities of Knoxville, Memphis, or Nashville (or as DJ is fond of calling it, Cashville or Nashvegas), but I doubt it can compare to the resplendant beauty that is the Colorado Rockies. Plus we were voted the #1 city for singles in the nation (http://www.forbes.com/2004/06/23/04singleland.html). So we are more likely to get one night stand sexy time explotions with hot co-eds than people in Tennessee. Again Colorado wins.
Some Colorado Co-eds
6. Now that Jason Allen is hurt (take deep breaths Clay) you are relying on
a CB named Inky Johnson. Inky Johnson? Seriously? That sounds more like the
name of a very dark skinned Jazz player in the 1930's.
"And in the back, blowin' that horn for all you cats... Inky Johnson! Take
'em home Inky."
I guess it does sound better than his real name though.... Inquoris
(I realize this isn't really a reason, but I felt it warranted mentioning)
When searching for a photo of Inky
Johnson Inquoris Johnson
this picture came up. Actually it didn't, but it should have.
7. Pro Teams-
Denver Broncos-
From Sammy Winder's Mississippi Mudwalk touchdown celebration to John Elway's helicopter run versus the Packers in the Super Bowl, the Broncos are a team steeped in tradition and success. Two Super Bowl wins, six AFC titles, and the greatest quarterback to ever walk the earth, this is quite possibly the greatest football franchise in history.
This is what a Super Bowl Champion looks like
Tennessee Titans-
One yard short.
There you have it. Seven of the many reasons why Colorado is better than Tennessee. This is not meant to anger any Tennessee fans in any way, and if it does I don't really care. I'm more interested in the Colorado fans. Also, I expect a full rebuttal from Clay.
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