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7 Really Dumb People
10/27/05
by DJ

What makes people dumb? I would venture to surmise that the the chronic misuse of common sense makes someone officially dumb. Usually, it has nothing to do with the trappings of education or lack thereof. Most dumb people are educated, and in fact, those are the worst kind because this education gives them a false sense of security. We all do and say dumb things in life. But alas, to paraphrase John Legend, we are normal, everyday people. It's when you are famous and in the spotlight that these things stand out. But having said that, one would think that you would at least give your actions a second thought when you have everything to lose and save your self the embarrassment of public ridicule. A simple reflective pause could have prevented most all of these acts from ever happening. I mean obviously you have the reigning kings of dumb with Kobe, Jessica Simpson, the Bushes, and Bartman. In keeping with our theme of prime numbers, here are seven more really dumb individuals in no particular order that you may or may not have thought of:

1. Ethan Hawke - You were doing great: movies, Oscar nominations, and you even penned two books and dabbled in music. Way to show your range, then you ranged out too far in '03 and pulled a Hugh Grant. (I didn't forget you either Eric Benet...) But at least it wasn't a prostitute like Grant. It was an obscure, random, wanne-be model, which in effect may have been the same thing. Uma Thurman, the chick who carried Tarantino's flicks, and we all remember (those who saw it anyway) her bathing suit scene in Be Cool. She may not be classically hot, but she might be one of the coolest chicks out there. How is she not hot enough for you? WHAT MORE DO YOU GUYS WANT?!! You are dumb because you got greedy...and because you look like Mark McGrath....

Hawke

McGrath

I didn't know cloning was legal yet

2. Kellen Winslow Jr. - Coincidentally, he would also make my All-Asshole list. I picked him over Jay Williams because at least Jay Will was once a nice guy and people felt sorry for him when he pulled his dumbass stunt. After somehow being the biggest ass in Hurricane history, he tears his leg up on a motorbike after passing on safety classes, essentially nullifying his contract by activating the "Hey Dumbass You're A Millionaire, Find Something Safe To Do" clause in his contract. (Notice I used the word "ass" the most in his description). This pic and subsequent caption This pic and subsequent caption is pretty accurate, and has more on the wreck.

3. Jerry Buss - Ironically, he has a PhD is Chemistry, something the Lakers sorely lack. But that just makes him an educated dumbass. First he lets Jerry West go. HE'S THE NBA LOGO FOR A REASON!! Then he can't keep a dynasty together, letting Shaq go.The first Laker dynasty team just got too old and he got lucky, these guys just got greedy. Then he has the balls to fire Phil, then bring him back. Well, it wasn't so much Jerry's negotiation tactics, as the fact that Phil was banging his hot daughter, who has posed for Playboy. And he's a cheap educated dumbass. The Lakers are always under the salary cap. There is enough money in LA County alone to field a team of All-Stars yearly. Under accusations of his tight-waddery, he said,"winning takes 70% of my concentration, making money only 20%." Wow. Apparently the other 10% goes to being a mathematical genius.

"Hey Phil, you can use my ball rack if you come back!!

4. Ja Rule - Where do I begin for poor Ja? He started out so well too. Then he starts beef with Mr. Cent whose harsh rebuttals and lyrical jabs completely destroy his career as a "hard" rapper. That's like Bill Gates challenging Tyson to a boxing match. Then he goes after Eminem, who destroys him. Then everyone gets in on it. Obie Tryce even gets in a few hits. Oh, and Busta Rhymes. This same Busta Rhymes has a "smash" hit with the PussyCat Dolls. When Busta Rhymes gets at you, its time to hang the mic up. Ja now sings like Della Reese, and has about the same fan base and demographic. He gets the "I Bit Off A Little More Than I Can Chew" Dummy Award.

5. Rush Limbaugh - For those who know me, I despise dumb people, racist people, people with no sense of humor, and most of all hypocrites. And Rush Limbaugh receives....4 stars!! Before you continue, read his 35 Truths here. Another educated moron who displays the brain power of screen door when given the opportunity. Not only do most of them contradict themselves and are generally just plain dumb, Mr. Hypocrisy violates a number of them himself. For all he expounded on the evils of drugs, he was strung out most of the time on Oxycontin. And then the racist Donovan McNabb comment. What was he even doing near a sports commentary job? He should be the one exception to the First Amendment. He's a dumbass of all trades.

6. Courtney Love - When you think of Courtney, one word comes to mind... "Again?" After her hubby died, it was all bad news for Courtney, who is like the female Mickey Rourke. She has a longer rap sheet than most gangster rappers. It's really sad too, because she was semi good at everything she did before she went off the deep end. Her public displays of intoxication are legendary, yet she can't see why she is always involved in custody battles. She once OD'd in front of her daughter. The quote she gave the media: "I made it fun. I said it was going to be gross and I was going to make myself throw up, but it was going to be OK..." This proves you are vastly incapable of raising a child. But thanks to our legal system she gets the kid. Hello "Mommy Dearest". She gets the "Sad, Sad, Sad, Dumbass" Award.

"NO MORE WIRE HANGERS EVER!!!"

7. Roy (of Sigfried and Roy) - Roy, you're standing onstage with a wild animal that could turn you into Shredded Wheat, and what do you do? You hit him with your mic on the nose. If you did it to me in front of people, I'd try and end your life too, at least. Especially if I was stored in a cage in the desert, had my loins fallowed, and made to do tricks onstage under hot ass lights. Freakishness aside, that was the dumbest thing you could ever do. Unfortunately for us he was merely mauled. This beast was bigger than him and his boyfriends combined. And you probably looked like an appetizer in your get-up anyway. There is no category for this type of moronitude.

I know there are simpletons aplenty that were untouched upon, but I could die before I listed them all with descriptions. If you have any more, feel free to post them on our message board or hit us up on gmail.

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