This game diary comes from Albuquerque, N.M., which is famous for three things: Being the toughest city to spell in America not named Chattanooga, having an average male height of approximately 5-feet-5, and having metal detectors outside restaurants.

The first night at 2 a.m., we went for late-night food at the most famous eatery in Albuquerque, the Frontier. What should meet us there? Security guards with metal detectors. Seriously. You have to get wanded before you can enter the restaurant. When I inquired as to the need for this, the security guard said, "Welcome to Albuquerque." I think Albuquerque's advertising slogan should be, "No one eats burritos here with guns."

Watching and writing game diaries from Albuquerque and San Juan within three weeks does, however, guarantee that I am the only person to watch CBS games-of-the-week in these two cities in the same year. I also apologize to everyone in the Mountain West region for not writing about the Utah-New Mexico game that was the talk of the town this weekend. I believe it could be surmised as: "The school that Brian Urlacher attended beat the school that Urban Meyer used to cry at." (Additional apologies to my 7th grade English teacher Ms. Treherne for ending a sentence with a preposition.)

Without further ado, here is my second attempt at a triple game diary on Saturday's three best games: Florida-South Carolina, LSU-Alabama and Auburn-Georgia.

1. I arrived at the Fox and Hound sports bar in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the morning for Florida-South Carolina's kickoff. No one else is at the bar and all the waitresses are wearing Starter jerseys replete with no discernible team color associated with any actual teams, random numbers and no names on the back. This answers the eternal question of what ever became of the Starter company. Now my Cincinnati Reds Starter jacket can rest in eternal peace. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

2. I'm uncertain what time it is, or if I have gauged the starting time correctly for Florida-South Carolina because in the preceding day, my travels from St. Thomas had me stop in San Juan (Atlantic), Miami (Eastern), Dallas (Central) and finally Albuquerque (Mountain).

3. The Florida-South Carolina game is available via satellite and my friend Cliff and I are informed that it is too early to either order food or drinks. This makes the entire business plan of the sports bar seem rather questionable. Also, there is no sound for any game. We have entered the silent game era in New Mexico. In case you were wondering, Marlene Dietrich was our waitress.

Our waitress.

4. Immediately, the camera pans into the stadium where a South Carolina fan is waving a sign that says "Cock Fire." I have no idea what this means but it sounds like a reason to visit an STD clinic, not cheer for a football team.

5. Chris Leak is intercepted by a huge lineman for South Carolina who immediately channels Walter Payton and refuses to be tackled until he arrives inside the five. Subsequent somersaulting touchdown run and South Carolina leads 7-0. Cut to camera shot of Steve Spurrier twitching and grinning, grinning and twitching.

Twitching is hard to capture with still photographs.

6. South Carolina scores twice more to take a 20-3 lead before Florida blocks the extra point and returns it for two points. 20-5 USC.

7. In a previous game diary, I mocked Steve Spurrier for putting in vintage videotapes from Gators teams of circa 1996 in an effort to demonstrate to his USC players how his offense should be run. I also said Spurrier resembled Uncle Rico from the movie Napoleon Dynamite. At this point, I would like to apologize. Unlike Uncle Rico's failed quest to reclaim 1982, Spurrier has officially reclaimed the early '90s.

"I think this is the angle where I see the SEC east title."

8. I believe South Carolina's fans might be setting a record for shirtless fans at a sporting event. If this were a neutral site game, is there any doubt that Florida and South Carolina combined would set the all-time record for shirtless men wearing jean shorts?

9. South Carolina receiver Sidney Rice is an absolute beast. And he's only a freshman. He turns an under thrown, nine-yard out pattern into a near touchdown after Florida had cut the lead to 20-19. Touchdown South Carolina 27-19.

I have no idea what animal is on his hat.

10. Florida kicks a field goal and then forces a punt, trailing 30-22. Unfortunately for Florida, they have 12 men on the field and this gives South Carolina a first down to end the game.

11. I can't be certain, but I think I just saw the glimmer of a tear in Urban Meyer's left eye. Steve Spurrier is officially back ... and the SEC East just became the most ridiculously competitive division in college football.

12. Unfortunately, I miss almost the entire first quarter of the Alabama-LSU game because my college roommate Krishna is taking some orthopedic residency exam. He informs me that he declined to accept my suggestion that FUPA should be the answer to any question he is uncertain about. 

FUPA brought to life.

13. We arrive back at his house in time for the henchman of the Anti-Christ, Jamie Christensen, to drill a field goal and give Alabama a 3-0 lead. Seriously, can anyone be rooting for this clown after the Gameday feature where he kicked a field goal and then flashed two handfuls of one dollar bills?

14. LSU coach Les Miles appears to have heeded my criticisms regarding his Madonna-like headset and wearing his baseball cap as if it were a cowboy hat. Somewhere, my wife Lara is shuddering at the thought that anyone might listen to my fashion opinions.

15. Upon further reflection, there is a 0 percent chance Les Miles knows I exist. Maybe my man Verne Lundquist can introduce the two of us.

Verne knows everyone. Here he meets someone else I don't know.

16. Speaking of Verne, he just called David Toms, "David Poms" and erupted with laughter. No one else in all of America laughs with him.

17. I'm sick of this Dr. Pepper commercial with the unattractive mother while the song Stacy's Mom is playing in the background. We all know Rachel Hunter is Stacy's mom and if Dr. Pepper is not willing to pony up for Rachel Hunter, then I'm not willing to drink Dr. Pepper. Period.

Dr. Pepper...meet your new favorite drinker.

18. LSU's 42-year-old running back Joseph Addai is feeling the effects of his age. Everyone knows rheumatism gets worse as winter approaches. Ergo, he's only available for third downs.

19. Alabama's offense scores a touchdown for what feels like the first time since General William Tecumseh Sherman burned Atlanta. 10-0 'Bama.

Sherman is hiding his play sheet in this photo.

20. The second half begins with an impressive LSU drive and touchdown on fourth and goal. 10-7 'Bama.

21. LSU's Laron Landry epitomizes the Alabama second half offense in one play. He sacks Brodie Croyle while driving his forearms directly into Croyle's kidneys. As Croyle rolls around on the field in pain, I decide this would be the perfect time for one of those organ donation commercials.

22. LSU's Chris Jackson (not the basketball player) drills a field goal. 10-10.

23. CBS cameramen strike gold and reward the country with footage of twin coeds in houndstooth caps. I'm not sure about this, but it seems possible that the twins might have set a record for collective use of the phrase, "Oh my God." This houndstooth caps on sorority girls trend is out of control.

An Alabama fan's wet dream.

24. How many times have television announcers this year praised LSU's Skyler Green without him doing anything? OK, we get it, he's a great punt returner. But do we need to be reminded of this fact every time there is a punt in a game he is involved in? Brodie Croyle is a great quarterback, but you don't hear an announcer say, "Look out," every time he drops back to pass.

Is it just me or does Skler Green sound like she should be the hottest girl on earth. Nope...google agrees.

25. Admittedly, immediately after writing the sentence above, I expect Skyler Green to return three punts in a row for touchdowns.

26. Verne tells a story about Mike Shula wearing flip-flops. Somehow the significance of Shula wearing flip-flops is lost on me.

27. Todd Blackledge points out that the Madonna headset is now missing from Les Miles wardrobe. I decide that Todd Blackledge and I are the Tommy Hilfiger and Ralph Lauren of college football wardrobes.

28. My wife Lara points out that I still own and wear corduroy pants. Perhaps I am the fashion-equivalent of the guy behind Zubbaz.

KWo still owns and wears these.

29. LSU's Chris Jackson misses a field goal wide left that would have given LSU a 13-10 lead. Dale Brown is going to bench him for sure.

30. Alabama has zero offensive yards for the second half. Brodie Croyle is sacked for the sixth time.

31. Verne Lundquist takes a great shot at CSI: "I'm still waiting for CSI: Steamboat Springs," he says. No one watching the game with me has any idea where Steamboat Springs is but everyone is certain it would star Ashton Kutcher.

32. LSU's Chris Jackson is wide right with under a minute to play. I think in his postgame news conference he should blame the Tourette's even if he doesn't have Tourette's.

He could even wear this shirt.

33. The phrase "controlling their own destiny" is used for the 463rd time during the course of this game.

34. Alabama is tackled at the 10 to end regulation.

35. My least favorite player in the SEC, "Money", is good from 34 to give Alabama a 13-10 lead.

36. Steamboat Springs is located in Colorado and is known as "Ski Town USA."

37. LSU scores a touchdown on third down on a Jamarcus Russell pass. 16-13. I swear to God, immediately after the touchdown, I saw two LSU men kissing. Somebody else had to see this. Either that, or a woman has a really bad haircut.

The wrong football...and actually the wrong idea at all times. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

38. Georgia-Auburn begins and it quickly becomes clear that Kenny Irons cannot be stopped. He scores from 30 yards out to give Auburn a 7-0 lead.

39. Bob Davie gives us a digression on bulldog weight, life, and breeding techniques. Evidently in addition to being a poor match for Ron Franklin, he is also a bulldog expert.

40. Georgia tight-end Leonard Pope is running open for Georgia. How in the world does anyone lose Pope in coverage? He takes up five yards just standing still.

41. Bob Davie confidently asserts that Georgia quarterback DJ Shockley "is faster with a knee brace than without." The laws of physics surrender.

If this dog could talk, he would say, "Just ask Bob Davie."

42. At the half, it is 21-20 Auburn and my pen has run out of ink.

43. There is a story about Georgia players riding horses. I have no idea what the purpose of this story is, but we all get to see D.J. Shockley ride a horse, which I would have given pretty good odds was unlikely before the game.

44. Kenny Irons is finally stopped. He fumbles as Auburn drives, trailing 27-21. Seriously, if some guy came up to you and said, "Kenny Irons is going to kick your ass" wouldn't you be incapable of sleep? This is one of those classic normal yet terrifying names. In elementary school, 2 to 1 odds he took other kids lunch money.

Kenny before he left South Carolina and also coincidentally before he decided to take my lunch money.

45. Georgia returns the fumble favor and Auburn returns the gift for a touchdown. 28-27 Auburn.

46. Georgia's Coutu drills a field goal to give the 'Dawgs a 30-28 lead.

47. We are treated to a walk down the tombstones of the Uga's. Some day when we are all gone and they uncover these gravestones in Sanford Stadium, latter day archaeologists are going to be really puzzled as to how Uga IV won a national championship in football as it states in his tombstone.

48. Auburn's John Vaughn drills the winning field goal. 31-30 Auburn. This is sweet redemption for him after he missed five field goals against LSU last month.

The photographer said, "Give me Abercrombie."

49. I'm drained, but college football is the greatest game in the history of the universe.

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