previous column	next column

Reader Response continued
5/6/05
by DJ

As Clay was unable to bring an answer to our reader's question below, DJ has shouldered the hefty responsibility of finishing the deadlyhippos response to Will Anderson, who writes:

As far as hangovers go I was wondering what, if any, are the deadlyhippos approved cures for hangovers? Also, I don't know if I'm alone on this or not, but I seem to have a problem with "unprovoked erection" or "spastic boner" during hangovers 1 through 4. Is this common? I don't really see it as a problem, but rather a gift. But it does lead to uncomfortable events in the work environment. Just seeking advice.

I am now back in the United States safe and sound. As my fellow hippo egregiously stated before I spent the better portion of my trek from the other side of the pond sitting in first class drinking with no remorse due to its duty free status. Dury the sabbatical accross the frothy unknown I consumed no less than 3 Miller Lights and at least 5 glasses of cham-pain (spelled that way for a reason...). The addition of the 4 Jack and Cokes contrived a deadly cocktail of dome damage imminently brewing on the horizon. In anticipation of at least a 3 star sentence in cranial thrombosis tommorrow morning, I address a reader query.

In response to a one Mr. Will Anderson about hangover cures, I shall give you sage (not the spice) wisdom. There is no cure except to not drink, and that type of attitude will get you no where sir. Sac up and deal with it. As for the unprovoked woodrows you recieve after drinking, you will never walk alone. Many suffer from that affliction, the Booze Bone, but are afraid to come forward. For some, stiffies and hangovers go hand in hand, pardon the pun. I admire your candor, young William, and also the fact you could have gone by the nomer Bill, or worse Billy, but chose not to. The solution is if you wake up alone, you must alleviate the discomfort by drinking lots of water before a furious masturbation session and pass out again, or go sit in a sauna for 6-8 minutes, drink lots of water, then decadently masturbate. I think you see the growing trend here. If you are with a someone, preferrably a chick, then use the age old cattle prod method. Poke from the rear until the desired response is contrived. Then drink lots of water and pass out. Then refer to the Man Manual for any other questions. For any other of lifes' queries feel free to hit us up at deadlyhippos@gmail.com....