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The OC: Last week's Double Feature:
5/13/05
by Tardio

The OC was a double shot last week. Two full hours of Ryan and Marissa, Seth and Summer, Sandy and Kirsten, Caleb and Julie, with a little Floater Girl and Zach thrown in for good measure. To say the least, it was phenomenal. In fact, I would suspect it was the most intense two hours of cinema since the last "Chucky" movie (which reminds me – who pays to go see these "Chucky" movies? Could you imagine asking a nice, pretty girl out to a movie and then suggesting "Bride of Chucky" or "Chucky VIII"?)

There was too much in these two episodes tos ynopsize/analyze/joke-ize, so I'm just going to talk for a minute about my new favorite character on the show – Floater Girl. Floater Girl, if you'll remember, took a bunch of ecstasy at Marissa's blowout a couple weeks ago, floated in the pool, almost died, got dragged out in an ambulance, almost got Marissa arrested, did get Trey arrested, and, of course, this has only made her more popular at school. (This popularity could also be due to the fact that she's blazing hot and a slut).

Well, in this double-shot double-episode Thursday night, Floater Girl takes on the seduction of Ryan and Trey. First, Floater Girl shows up at Trey's apartment in shorts and bikini top (that's what everyone wears around, isn't it?), gives Trey some liquor (I mean, she is 17 years old), and then takes off the bikini top. Now, I'm not complaining, but this s**t didn't happen where I went to high school. And, if it were going to happen, I don't think the hottest girl in the school is going to seduce a 22 year old ex-convict with no money and a ratty apartment. But, this is the OC, and Trey does do a great Dylan McKay, and she is the school slut, so she takes down Trey.

But, does Floater Girl stop here? Absolutely not. After Trey rapes Marissa (pretty good plot twist, I must say, and well-acted scene…Marissa actually looked like she was scared as opposed to last year, when she looked like she was eating Sour Punch no matter if she was supposed to be happy or her dog just died), Floater Girl continues her seduction of Trey. Okay, now Trey is a 22 year old ex-convict with no money, a ratty apartment, and he rapes girls. What does Floater Girl do? Hang out at his apartment, blow coke off the ratty coffee table, and have sex with him. Harbor High Class of '06 Forever.

Floater Girl next moves to her seduction of Ryan. She all but tells Ryan she wants him, even sticks her hand in his pocket in a seductive move, and what does Ryan do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He pops some line about her being nice to his brother because he's trying to get his life back together (obviously trying to get his life back together by raping chicks and blowing coke – I think that's the first two of the 12 steps at rehab). Come on, Ryan. We know you've gone soft, but how many fake-18 year old guys can turn down hot, bikini'd girls throwing themselves at you. I would venture to say that it has never happened, not once in the history of the world.

In other happenings from the episodes: Seth licked whipped cream off a hot girl. Summer kissed Zach. Kirsten got drunk. Beard left. Kirsten got drunk. Trey went psycho. Super-Sandy saved the day. Julie and Caleb are getting divorced. Kirsten got drunk. Ryan acted gay. And, Kirsten got drunk.

So, there's my analysis of Floater Girl and the episodes. Bottom line- anytime FG comes into a scene, I've got to say I feel luckier than a third Maloof brother. When she saunters into the room, you're guaranteed some network TV fake-nudity (i.e., a shot of the top going to the floor accompanied by some nifty camerawork to show the bareback) and probably some coke being blown off furniture. And, we all know that in the fictional world of the OC, when coke, nudity, and high school girls who act like 25-year-old prostitutes are thrown together in a ratty apartment, you get something good.