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Making a Smooth Transition from Young Man to Old Man
5/19/05
by Shaw

Although my last column was about Dawson's Creek, our original reader(s) will remember that my purpose on this website (aside from constructing it) is to talk about Mathematics. I have actually not done this yet, and today, again, I fail at that enterprise. Perhaps that is a clue for both of us about how much I love what I do.

Today's column is inspired by the musings of an old man: me. As I was trying to run without getting passed by the 5 foot 8, 200 pound (and not built like a boxer) guy who jumped in right behind me on my fourth lap around the 1 mile trail at my neighborhood park, it occurred to me for the first time how much I really miss the good old days. I guess I never thought about the fact that I was getting old until it actually happened. (Promise me you won't stop reading this column because of its similarity to Clay's Jiggleable Hour column.) In any case on that last lap I started recounting in my head all the things that have changed and I thought it appropriate to document them here. For those of you males under 26, this is what you have to look forward to:

	College	Post College
Wakeup time:	Weekdays: up with a bound and a spring in my step at 8am; shower, breakfast, and out the door by 9am. Weekends: Awake, mildly hungover, to a loud knock on my door from Jason at about 9am for a trip across campus to get breakfast. If he's not around, roll out of bed hungover at about 11.	Weekdays: Have to be violently shaken awake by my girlfriend Jess at 8:30; out of the door with no shower and no breakfast by 8:40. Weekends: Up by 12. Not hungover. Just tired.
Class Schedule:	5-6 classes per semester plus choir, 4 days a week, 9:30-3:15, 5:45-7 on choir days too.	One class per semester. 3 days a week, 11-12.
Workout Schedule:	Organized football game every week, intramural football, soccer, floor hockey, and one fateful softball tournament. A mid-pace (7:30-8:00 mile) five mile run a few times a week, including one year of longer runs in training for a marathon (results: ret. inj.). Various middle of the night calls answered to play frisbee, wiffle ball, catch with football/other projectiles. Lifting (Nautilus) with Clay until DJ found out and Clay had to switch to the weight room with Krishna every day while I was at work. After Clay moved on, lifting (still Nautilus) with Jason. In good weather, tennis once a week.	First year of grad school: Played squash 3 times/week, rock climbing twice a week, a 3 mile run about once or twice per week, kept up lifting (real weights) at the gym twice a week. Since then: Situate the phone across the room so I have to walk 5 feet to answer it, doubling my workout for the day. Summer, sit by the pool and occasionally jump off the diving board. Make a scramble to run at least 5 times before I run an annual 5K race in June so I can actually finish.
Chest strength (on a bird scale of "chickadee"-"falcon")	Pigeon to dove.	Emaciated chickadee.
Eating habits:	Four meals a day, few vegetables, but plenty of vitamins.	One meal a day, usually at about 2pm.
Best job:	A tie between working at a record store (salary low, discount high) and full-time job senior year as Admissions Office Exec. Aide., where I had 30 of my own employees. Salary: $24,000 plus free tuition.	Teaching Assistant and Lecturer, i.e. tutor for a room of 30 student/idiots, and Administrative Assistant (read: typist) for two math programs. Salary: $15,000 (which is a $1000 raise from what they paid last year).
Male friends:	Plentiful: Japes, Clay, Jason, Sam, Krishna all available for late night calls to go to bars, play frisbee, throw a football; friends from home visit every other weekend.	Japes: married; Clay: married (and in VI); Jason: in Philly and works 16 hour days (7 days a week), no longer able to return phone calls except when walking from office to car at 10pm; Krishna: now a doctor and lives in New Mexico; Sam: still available for late night calls. Home friends now live in Chicago and Boston. Math friends always doing math, or too busy living really far away for late night calls.
Hairline:	Went from not so good to excellent.	Not good at all.
Status of Rage Against the Machine:	Together and touring for their new album	Broken up and involved in bad side projects. (See this humorous review of Audioslave)
Work schedule:	Class during the day, homework from 8pm-2am, sometimes with a 4 mile run in between. Occasional all-nighters.	Class 3 hours a week, half of it spent drinking coffee and hoping to stay awake long enough to finish writing the word my professor just wrote on the board. Once a week pick up a book or notes and try to study but immediately fall asleep.
TV shows watched regularly:	Dawson's Creek, The West Wing.	Arrested Development, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, 24, Scrubs, Lost, The West Wing, The OC, Monk, The Daily Show with John Stewart, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.
Bed time:	2am.	12am or until too tired to stay awake.
Social drinking:	Out to a bar every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, drink all night and in the worst case, wake up at 12pm and work on schoolwork.	I have been to two bars in the last 6 months. If I have a single beer or glass of wine I get a headache like I have been stranded on a desert island with Fran Drescher and no water for a week. Best case: sleep 12 hours and can't function all day.
Woman situation:	Dated a few okay girls, none of which could beat me in a fight.	Jess, who has a real job, is too hot for me, and is a cross-country runner/yoga enthusiast, and who thus could kick my ass and then run away from me too.
Self-esteem:	When I graduated I won departmental awards from Mathematics, Spanish, and Music. My office appreciated me, I had lots of friends and I think I remember it being fun. Self-esteem: 7/10.	Am toiling in the bottom quartile of the math department, don't do any work because I don't have time, and can't care enough to stay awake. Self-esteem: 2/10.
Deadlyhippos columns written:	0	6

Which life is better? You be the judge.