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The Unfortunate Case of the Dawson's Creek Rumor
5/2/05
by Shaw

Dawson's Creek fans, I know you're out there. Let me make it clear: I think the Creek might be the worst and least believable show ever put on television. The high school students are portrayed by college and post-college actors. The dialogue is abysmal--all of that academic Goethe-referencing dialogue put in the mouths of babes is not genius but just a complete lack of understanding of the way actual humans talk. That, and I don't think anything ever happened on that show. I have seen every episode except the last one, and I could summarize it by saying "Everyone has a dysfunctional family except Dawson, the only one with parents, who got divorced and then got back together and started a restaurant and then one of them died and then all the kids lost their virginity and went to the same college." If I had seen the final episode I would add "and then Jen has a baby and dies." But for all its flaws, I am a devout fan of the show and I love every single character like a real person. And I am not the only one.

There are basically three different kinds of Dawson's Creek fan. First there is the target audience--girls who were teenagers at the time the show started and are probably just now starting to drink legally. That is most likely the reason for the highly feminine theme song and the plot of every single episode of the show, which, if you have never watched it, is figuring out whether Dawson Leery and Joey Potter are soulmates. Even in the episode where Dawson's extremely muscular dad dies in a car crash on the way home from picking up some milk, a good chunk of time is spent with Dawson and Joey trying to figure out if they should hook up. I would guess that the teenaged girl group accounted for about 1/4 of the viewership of the Creek. Then half of Dawson's Creek fans that I know of are men--guys, dudes, jocks, brosefs--who were in college when the show first came on. I was turned on to the show by none other than Clay, the Man Behind the Pudding Strike, the Football Fan, the Almost Fraternity Guy, the So Tone Deaf He Was Asked Not To Sing in Mandatory Choir In High School Guy. In other words the least sensitive man I know. But every time that goddamn theme song came on, Clay would turn up the volume and "sing" along with Paula Cole ("I don't wanna wait for our lives to be over, I just wanna know right now what will it be!"), egging on everyone who was around to join in. And of course you couldn't sing along--it was too hilarious to hear him try to sing that song by himself; you just had to devote every ounce of attention you had to listening to him croon/croak along. (Okay I sang along sometimes.) The third group (making up the last 1/4 for those of you following along) is the ironic watchers. These are people who notice that Dawson's Creek is on every single day about 3 different times on TBS and watch it just because the show is so ludicrous that it's entrancing. My friends Blake and Greggo used to watch it every time it was on during the day, and when Greggo would ask if Blake could "please turn it off, it's making me angry," Blake would actually turn to him and command him to "embrace the rage!" And so they continued to watch. Greggo saw the entire run of the show twice this way. I claim that the show usually turns these ironic watchers into closeted true fans, a claim that is often met with derision and denial by those ironic watchers afraid to be outed.

It is difficult to say why that show was so popular with the college guy crowd. It isn't like The OC--the girls are pretty much always fully clothed, and with the sometime exception of tomboy Joey Potter, not that hot anyway. The affairs of the parents are not nearly as well developed as in The OC either, so you can't point to the show having an adult appeal. The point is that the show brought out something in the manliest of all man (not that I'm calling Clay manly): a desire to embrace some emotional feelings for an hour each week.

Regardless of why I love Dawson's Creek, I was out at dinner this weekend with some friends, and the subject of Katie Holmes came up, because she is dating Tom Cruise now. Now I had always heard that Katie Holmes was extraordinarily tall, taller than all of the Dawson's Creek men, like over 6 feet, so I made mention of how ridiculous that relationship must look, and was immediately rebuffed by my friends. In fact one of them said, "really tall in Hollywood means like 5 foot 9." Well after some IMDB research I was forced to send the following email.

From: Shaw
To: Everyone I know (about 10 people)
Subject: Incredibly, EVERYTHING I said last night was false, apparently...

If you received this message it means you were either at dinner with me last night OR you have an strong affinity/hatred for Dawson's Creek.

Last night I repeated a rumor I once heard that Katie Holmes was very tall, taller than her male costars on the Creek, and even over 6 feet. When I first heard this rumor it was very elaborate, including a description of all of the camera tricks they had to do so she wouldn't look taller than the boys in their scenes together. Well I wholeheartedly apologize.

Not only is Katie Holmes not that tall (5'9"), she is not even taller than her male costars on Dawson's, Kerr Smith (5'10"), James Van Der Beek 6'), and Josh Jackson (6'2").

Also, while I knew that everyone on that show was a little older than high school age--at the time the show started (i.e. these people were playing H.S. freshman, so like 14 year olds), Dawson was 22, Pacey and Joey were 20, and Jen was 18. What I didn't know is that Jack was actually 26, and, most incredibly, Andie was 28! That means when Andie left the show to go to Europe in Season 3, she was 31!!! I bet they actually had to kick her off because her wrinkles started showing. That is just incredible to me.

Before you fact checkers go crazy, I received a response via email from Clay later that day.

From: Clay
To: Everyone Shaw knows (about 10 people)
Subject: Re: Incredibly, EVERYTHING I said last night was false, apparently...

Shaw, I hate to correct you but when Dawson's Creek began all the students were sophomores.

As I somehow feel like I might have been the one to implant the Katie Holmes is very tall gambit in your mind, I apologize. Though I do not remember making the particular statements you referenced, I feel like that doesn't necessarily mean I didnt say them.

I do take credit, however, for telling you that Katie Holmes was topless in the The Gift. In related news, Katie Holmes' ex-fiancé just blew a .20 and got arrested for drunk driving. Talk about a rough go of it.

ta-ta

I just thought the DeadlyHippos.com readers would appreciate this bit of research by a fellow Dawson's Creek fan. I know I'm not the only one.