next column
|
|
| previous column | next column |
 |
Online Dating 2: Victoria 3/19/05 by KWo |
We've all had that feeling. You know the one you get when you've been searching mail order brides on the internet for three and a half hours, and suddenly discover the woman that will some day be your wife.
That's how I felt when I met Victoria. I never really believed in fate until I clicked on her thumbnail picture and realized that we were perfect for each other. She's everything I've ever dreamed of in a mail order bride--and more! For starters, this girl is smoking hot. I know she's modest, but even Victoria can't disguise that badonkadonk hiding under those Jordache Jeans in picture #2. Not bad for an Economist. That's right, Victoria is a professional Economist. I haven't really established her specific expertise, but I'm guessing she's either a Neo-Globalist or a Modern Keynesian. She's probably developing cutting-edge economic theories at this very moment.
But that's only half the picture. Turns out that Victoria has been looking for me all this time that I've been looking for her. Her preferences in a man: less than 36 years old and over 5'8" tall. At 26 and 6'2", I have amazingly managed to qualify for BOTH of the things she wants in a man. She's also expressed interest in a man who's "romantic, generous, open, kind, sincere, optimistic, and intelligent." Clearly I match all these categories, although calling myself intelligent is questionable, but I'll give myself the benefit of the doubt--I mean, we can't all be professional Economists.
So it must be destiny that this Ukranian princess will become the queen of my one bedroom apartment castle in Alabama. I know you're all thinking that mail order romance only happens in movies and fairy tales, but I'm here to tell you that true love hits you when you least expect it, especially if you're not expecting it while surfing the internet for Russian mail order brides.
On behalf of Victoria and myself, best wishes for a loving and successful mail order marriage.
Need dating advice? Send your questions to deadlyhippos@gmail.com.