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NCAA tourney in the Caribbean along with Shaw and Karch "Kirally"
DATE
by Clay

Shaw became the first member of deadlyhippos staff to venture down to St. Thomas for a visit. This trip coincided with George Washington's first NCAA tourney trip since I was a 19 year-old sophomore. Last time Indiana beat us 108-88 in Bob Knight's final tourney victory at the school but the loss was succored by the fact that the next morning I departed for spring break in Cancun. This time there were no wet t-shirts to staunch my tears. And this made me even sadder.

Once again DirecTV's sports monopoly meant that the game I wanted to see was not visible anywhere on the entire island. Shaw and I made a pilgrammage to the Caribbean Saloon where we found the illegal DirecTV receivers (they are registered to a Trindadian boat) were down. So we drank since GW's game was not scheduled to tipoff until 10:40 Atlantic time. Then we ate, then we reminisced about Degrassi Junior High and Shaw said this,

"In Canada they have thirteen grades."

	Which blew me away. This was almost as shocking as when Wheels got molested and Spike got pregnant the first time she had sex and Shekhar said birds don't have blood because they are aviaries. But Shaw was so insistent about this we almost missed Vermont beating Syracuse. And I still haven't figured out if he's correct or not. Then we left to attempt to watch the game through my office computer. If there was any doubt how low DirecTV's monopoly policies and not serving the VI has left me, arriving at your office at 11:00 at night to watch a game erases all doubt. This is the junkie equivalent of stealing money from your grandmother.
Spike		Wheels

Somehow this succeeded and I am confident I have now glimpsed the future of sports. In about ten years everyone is going to completely forget there was a time when you didn't get to watch your team play every game. Even if your team is an absolute no-name team like George Washington. In the end we lost our game against Georgia Tech thanks to 4-16 free throw shooting. So after a six year wait, GW's NCAA tourney run lasted about two hours. But I'm not bitter.

The next day in an effort to erase the vestiges of the loss we headed to the beach where Shaw and I went snorkeling. Aside from being a bit uncomfortable about snorkeling alone with another man (I'm not sure why but this seems like something you really need a female for, like buying a smoothie or skinnydipping). Lara accompanied us out into the water and then sent us off on our own to surround a small island after saying,

"All the fish are on the other side of the island." She evidently knew this despite, 1. never having been snorkeling around the island before or 2. ever having been to the other side of the island. For a time when Shaw and I got caught in a strong tide that threatened to either dash us into the rocks or carry us out to sea, I thought her quote might end up being our epitaph. And of course there were no fish on the other side of the island because the water was too rough for them as well.

Instead we persevered and eventually returned to shallow water where we decided that having conquered the ocean we now wanted to play volleyball but were too intimidated by the talent level of the other volleyballers. So I did a flyby. As an aside if you haven't watched Top Gun in the last ten years get the DVD and skip ahead to the volleyball scene where Maverick and Goose are taking on Iceman and Iceman's pal in a vigorous match. Maverick is shirtless in full-length jeans. Immediately after this he has a love scene wearing said jeans. It just clarifies how cool jeans were in 1985.

Anyway, sans jeans I strolled along the beach to check out the volleyball game. Watching other men you don't know play pick-up sports is like staring into the sun, you have to observe while pretending you aren't really. I managed to discern that they were much better than us and that it would be incredibly awkward for Shaw and I to get into the game.

Shaw then suggested that he should walk over to them and inquire,
"Are there any Karch Kirally's here?"
He meant Karch Kiraly (prounced ka rye) the only beach volleyball player in the world that anyone has ever heard of. (And by heard of, I don't mean those hot chicks from America who almost won in Athens last year, I mean know their actual name). Somehow Shaw had no idea how to pronounce his name which I found hysterical and led to this conversation.
Shaw: "That's not really very funny."
Clay: "Come on, we're in an awkward situation already trying to play beach volleyball with guys who are much better than us, and then you compound that awkwardness by mangling the name of the most famous player ever."
Shaw: "This is going to be another one of those things that isn't very funny but you make fun of me about forever."
Clay: "Karch Kirally."
Shaw: "Stop."
Clay: "Karch Kirally."
Shaw began to thrown sand at me from the floor of the ocean. My continued repetition of his mispronunciation represented the most juvenile taunting of mine since Lara was interviewed in a Titans publication and used the word "really" four times in an eighteen-word quote. For several days I questioned whether she was excited or really excited, happy or really happy. I'm still not tired of this fact either but eventually she got really angry so I stopped.
Clay: "Karch Kirally."
Shaw's sand found it's mark. And hurt.
Clay: "Karch Kirally."
Lara had the misfortune of arriving in the midst of Shaw's rampage. I immediately used Lara as a human shield. Shaw was unmoved. He continued to throw sand at both of us. Lara encouraged him even though she was in the line of fire.
Shaw: "You're using your wife as a shield."
Clay: "Karch Kirally."
Then he hit me in the face and his anger was sated. This led to a ten minute argument about whether or not he could have "busted" my nose. By busted, I meant make bleed, by busted Lara and Shaw thought I meant broken. Eventually both Lara and Shaw agreed that I misuse the word busted and this is one of many failings of being educated in the south. We never did play volleyball; instead we posed with a George Washington beach towel.