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7 Past Their Prime
6/1/05
by DJ

Doesn't it hurt to see a hot girl go to waste, like when you see one with an ugly dude, i.e. the DH posse. It's even worse when hot celebs fall off the map for no apparent reason. It's the paradox that drives us all mad. This awakened in my head, back in the deepest recesses of its existence, chicks that I thought were the cat's meow, but circa 8 years ago. This list is not funny, it's sad in a way, like a posthumous hottie award mixed with "Where Are They Now?". Presented to you in HDtv and in no particular order is the list...

1. Elisabeth Shue. She got nude in these films, almost leading me to blindness. Leaving Las Vegas (1995), Blind Justice (1994), The Trigger Effect (1996), Cousin Bette (1998), Molly (1999), Link (1986). Personally The Saint did it for me.
Then she disappeared, and married some dude named after a museum, Davis Guggenheim.

2. Robin Givens. I actually thought she was hot in the late 1980s as the star of TV's Head of the Class, and then Boomerang (1992) and Head of State (2003). She was hot, then Mike Tyson beat it out of her, scaring me to death in the process. I thought if he ever found out I liked her he might come get me too so it was bye bye Robin.

3. The Noxema Girl, aka Rebecca Gayheart. Forever cast in bad movies, but she was a southern belle from Kentucky so I forgave her. In Urban Legend (1998) she scared the bejesus out of me, but it was something about those eyes that made me want to perform the act of coitus with her. But then I saw her on an episode of Nip/Tuck (2004), blind with cloudy eyes and that scared me more. Eeewww...

4. Robin Wright. She was Jenny in Forrest Gump (1994). I thought she was hot for whatever reason. She turned down roles in Batman Forever, Robin Hood Prince of Thieves, and The Firm. Not too smart. Top that with marrying Sean Penn and dating Charlie Sheen when she was 15, she was doomed to fall meteorically from do-able grace....

5. Neve Campbell. Huge disappointment. The Party of Five series got her started, and Scream trilogy put her on the map. She got way hotter in The Craft in 1996, but the lesbo scene in Wild Things (1998) with the even hotter Denise Richards is what really caused carpal tunnel syndrome amongst males aged 13-40 (even though Matt Dillon almost ruined it with his horse teeth). Then she decided to really try and act and ruined it for everybody, and that's not cool.

6. Tea Leoni. She was absolutely on fire in the first Bad Boys (1995). I can't emphasize this point adamantly enough. Then she married David Duchovny and got all motherly, and not in a MILF way. And Jurassic Park III was the last straw. It escapes me how this could have happened, upsetting really. She now belongs on the cover of Better Homes and Gardens instead of Maxim. It's like I almost feel bad for having those wet dreams about her... almost....

7. Whitney Houston. Not to beat a dead horse (or career) but she really messed it up. Poor girl. She could sing AND act...in the same movie. The Bodygaurd and it's subsequent soundtrack are legendary. Waiting To Exhale is a classic. Her voice was tremendous. She wasn't just hot, she was absolutely gorgeous and wholesome. Then Bobby and coke...nuff said....