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Beauty and The Geek: Episode 4
6/28/05
by JT

Again last week I missed the Wed. night showing of BATG whilst conquering a withering foe on the basketball court in the name of the Deadly Hippos Hoop Squad. The opponent was a Comcast sponsored team that was poorly placed in the Competitive League and was quickly vanquished by our superior between the leg dribbles and two-handed chest passes. I don't want to say it was ugly, but we started the game with a 17-2 lead with team Comcast's only points the result of a penalty incurred by our squad for a thunderous dunk. (I'm not sure if that is an actual rule in this league or the refs just felt for our opponents due to the collective ass-whooping they were receiving). As for the show, again I was saved by my wonderful TiVO device and was able to catch the episode later in the week. This was an episode dominated by the Geeks but here is what the ladies were up to:

The show started off with the girls having to go on romantic dinner dates with a Geek other than their partner. Chuck seized the opportunity to woo Scarlet further and asked her almost immediately. You could see the difficulty Scarlet was having in feigning interest in Chuck's conversation during the romantic candlelit meal. He started by mentioning that people in The Sudan do not really hate Americans, and topped it off with the doozy, "Do you know much about the Quaker faith(1)?" and quickly lost any chance he had of ever scoring with Scarlet. The only other date worth mentioning was Lauren struggling through a night with Richard. The reason I mention it is because Richard was disappointed that he had to ask Lauren on a date after trying to ask the other 3 girls first. Richard was disappointed to have to spend a night with you Lauren.... Richard.

For their challenge the girls got to go shopping (yay!). They had to pick out a wardrobe for their partners and add up the prices including 8.25% sales tax ALL BY THEMSELVES!!! The funniest part was Lauren saying there were lots of things she liked to do more than addition and math... Like shopping, tanning, eating, going out, going to the pool.... lots of things. The total expense amount they had to stay under... $1,000.... For a wardrobe... for one night. I am guessing that if you took every piece of clothing the Geeks have owned in their entire lives, added it all up, threw in 8.25% sales tax, you still wouldn't come close to $1,000. In an event that is sure to signal the onslaught of the apocalypse Lauren somehow out-adds her competition and wins. I'm speechless.

In a miserable attempt at getting phone numbers from strange scary girls... Chuck's gay routine gets the most digits. Chuck and Caitilin choose Richard and Mindi to go to the elimination room in an obvious choice, and in the controversial moment of the night Scarlet's flirtation with Chuck wins out over Lauren and Caitilin’s friendship, and Lauren is sent to the elimination room with Bill.

In the elimination round Lauren is asked 3 questions about math and disaster ensues.

Host- "If a yard equals 3 feet.... how many feet are there in 13 yards?"

Lauren- (after having him repeat the question twice and several seconds of migraine inducing thought) "64?"

Host - "Is that your real answer?"

One incorrect.

She is then asked a shopping question. She smiles. Then she realizes she has to add three double digit numbers together in her head! She has him repeat the numbers a few times, does a frantic pretend writing method of addition and then comes up with a number 40 digits wrong(2).

Eliminated. I'm going to miss her though.

With teeth like a beaver who brushes at least 13 times per day, and a brain capacity only slightly smaller, Lauren was pure entertainment for this show. You could always count on her to say something either extremely stupid or bitchy whenever it was needed. Like the Robert Horry of Beauty and the Geek. She will not be soon forgotten.

But since she is now gone here is a look at the rest of the field:

Scarlet- This woman is very beautiful and seems to be nice as well. I'm not sure if she is just pretending to be nice or is just naive because she is being extraordinarily cruel to poor Chuck. She has been getting awfully cuddly with the Chuckster making him believe that they are in love and will be soon making lots of babies after the show ends. Scarlet showed her hand though when she explained in an interview, "This is a game so I'm being a little affectionate and a little flirty. But I don't think I'm leading him on."

Maybe she forgot who the men are playing this game with her. With these guys If a woman smiles and says hello they are ready to propose. Chuck is due for a huge rejection and heartbreak on national TV. This should be entertaining.

Caitilin - First off, no one on the show is exactly sure how to pronounce her name, and it's as awkward to type as it is to say. It came out this episode that she is a bit bossy and rules over Chuck with an iron fist. However, her chances at winning took a huge dive when Chuck chose Scarlet over her friend Lauren. It has now become apparent that Chuck would rather have a rabid Pitbull gnaw on his genitals than let Scarlet leave the show. I truly believe that he would give her the $250,000 in prize money if she asked for it. This doesn't bode well for Caitilin as Scarlet will surely turn on them both at some point.

Mindi - I feel bad for poor Mindi. She has been Richard's teammate during the show and thusly has had to spend the most amount of time with him. To her credit she has done extremely well tolerating his ability to be a complete and utter annoyance at all times. I couldn't figure out how she did it until I went to the website and read her bio. She is majoring in Special Education. Enough said. On the bright side I don't think there is anyway they won't let Richard make it all the way to the end of this show, so I think she is sitting pretty right now.

All in all, the girls on the show have taken the stance that they are there to help the geeks build confidence and are almost like tutors for them in the mysterious ways of the woman. On the other hand, the Geeks all fantasize about the women nightly and actually believe that they have a shot at hooking up with one of the ladies. It's a sort of creepy brother / sister relationship, where the sister is trying to help the brother score, and the brother wants to bang the sister like a Jamaican kettle drum.

(1) If you want more information on the Quaker Faith, click here (). If you are like Scarlet and the rest of us you will not click on this link.

(2) Resident Deadly Hippo mathematician Shaw violently crushed his television set watching Lauren's attempt at simple addition.

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