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Beauty and the Geek: Episode III (The Hotties)
6/23/05
by JT

Like Tardio I also missed the Wed. night showing of BATG. However, I was not doing something as productive as getting my bi's and back right while staring at spandex clad sorority hotties. I was busy leading Team Deadlyhippos to a 2-0 start in the Englewood Competitive Basketball League. I also missed the Thursday night repeat as I was in flight to the Mecca Of Man also known as Las Vegas. But through the miracle of modern genius called TiVO I was able to catch the show when I returned home. So here is a recap of what happened to the Ladies:

Let me first start by saying that despite being off the show Erika is still making her presence known. She is accomplishing this in the form of mouth herpes prominently displayed on Brad's lower lip during every interview. I think he learned a valuable lesson about women after all. On to the show....

The first mission was for the ladies to build a model rocket. Now, with the combined brain power of all the remaining girls you couldn't build a rock circle, so you knew this would be an extremely long challenge. The funny part was that all they had to do is follow a set of directions set in front of them. This was less than easy for Kristin however, as she failed miserably at taping the wings on the rockets. The result saw her throwing her uncompleted catastrophe in the air and quitting. Caitlin was victorious when she shot her rocket off high up in the air with white liquid spewing forth from it... the sexual innuendo of this challenge was not lost on me.

Next the girls had to model some outfits that the men had picked out for them while shopping that day. Kristin looked good but every time she smiled with her over-brightened teeth I had to remind myself of Poltergeist and to stay away from the light. Krystal looked as hot as ever, but that's not saying anything new. You could put her in a potato sack and tube socks and she'd still look good. The surprise of the night was Scarlet who looked unbelievably hot. This woman has received far too little air time on the show as far as Im concerned. This needs to be remedied immediately. However, the best part of the event was Mindi. As the partner of Richard she is always at a disadvantage but this week he really outdid himself. In choosing her outfits he managed to purchase everything four sizes too big. This led her to declare that the bikini bottoms she was wearing were so big that it looked like she had "pooped her pants". The fact that she knows what she looks like with pooped bikini bottoms disturbs me greatly. Scarlet won this contest hands down with her hotness and thus won immunity from being out of the contest. This resulted in my standing up and pumping my fist repeatedly.

The final quiz portion of the show saw Krystal and Brad perform dismally and have to leave us as losers. The only question Krystal answered correctly was the query, "What star is closest to the earth"? Her "complete guess" answer of the sun was right on. Her display of utter lack of intelligence led my step-dad to declare "that girl isn't the brightest star in the sky is she?" I laughed on the outside, but inside I was crying as I realized this was the last time I was going to be able to look at Krystal's huge... personality.

The girls have actually started to be decent people throughout this show. All except Kristin who seems to be directly removed from a clichéd high school movie as the character "mean cheerleader". This led to me doing some research and here were some quotes in chat rooms about her:

06/10/2005 14:07

its awesome to see lauren on tv, but i hope she learns something from the show. she was horrible when i knew her-had to be the center of attention and the fakest person i have ever met! it would be great to see her develop a personality so i could consider her a "beauty"

06/09/2005 18:53

Lauren is like the, like, i mean, like, the dumbest, like, girl on the show. Like so totally true. Duh! (slap on the forehead) Ow! I knew her and she like totally took my man to prom. Like EEEeeeewww! He was so gay anyway!

06/09/2005 15:38

i went to school with lauren. everyone hated her. she walked around like she was miss america. she needed attention to stay alive. she stole homecoming ballets and wrote her name on them so she would win. pathetic?

06/08/2005 23:28

i met lauren last month at Petsmart, she was there attracting customers to a new and improved ant colony (not the most glamorous of LA jobs, but one hell of an impressive insect observatory). We started chatting and after the usual small talk, she slyly steered the conversation toward the ants. She was suprisingly intelligent for such an attractive young thing, and i found her immensly informed on the product she was selling, as well as the anatomy, biology, and social behavior patterns of these fascinating creatures. i will spare you the details of our conversations, suffice to say that i found her extremely knowledgable and conversant on virtually all aspects of ant anatomy, particularly the propodeum and the postpetiolar node. by the time we knew it, petsmart was closing and i was purchasing the Antquarium (the only ant farm developed by NASA for zero gravity) with all the trimmings. On my way to my car, a petsmart employee came running after me. he had a piece of paper in his hand, and told me that Lauren had asked him to give me her number. i couldn't believe it. i'm not an ugly man, but she is certainly out of my league. i would have called her to ask her out, but i'm really, really gay. instead i took home her messenger boy (the one she sent after me to give me her number). His name is Rob and we're so in love, a perfect match in and out of the bedroom. Thanks, Lauren. XOXOXOXO

That last one was so incredible I had to put it in.

Until next week!

Pictures, roster, and stats are to come for the DH team...

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