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Beauty and the Geek: Episode III (The Guys)
6/21/05
by Tardio

First, I admit that I missed BATG on Wednesday. I went to the gym hoping to get a quick workout in then proceed to the bliss that is BATG, but was floored by the number of hot girls getting it done in the gym. You see, I'm old and graduated. But, I still like to go to my school's rec center to work out because I like looking at college girls. Is that so bad? However, the summer is a bit different. In the school year, there are only two groups of people that go to work out: hot sorority girls and the guys who stare at them. Unattractive girls and fat dudes don't even make an effort to go to the gym during the school year (unless they go at odd hours, say Friday at 6:15 a.m.). During the summer, there is a whole mish-mash of random peeps in the gym – fat dudes, old people, and exchange students stand out the most. This is their gym time to shine. Not Tuesday. It was an absolute explosion of hot sorority girls. It was like I had fallen asleep Monday night and woken up in September right at the end of rush. So, that's why I didn't see BATG Tuesday, because I was sweating through nine sets of bicep curls while a sophomore Theta glided next to me. Second, I'll admit that I missed the first fifteen minutes of the encore showing Thursday night. But, there was plenty in the last 45 minutes to write about. Let's start with…

1. Sean – The "challenge" involved some combination of picking out outfits for the girls and having some fashion "experts" grade what the guys picked out. Sean picked out some good clothes, his chick strutted around in them, and he was deemed the winner. Then, Sean gets interviewed about his victory, and he offers some BS about wanting to accentuate his chick's features. What is Sean thinking? His chick has exactly two quality features, and they need no accentuation beyond something low-cut. So, not only is Sean a geek, he's also gay. Accentuate the features? Come on.

2. Richard, the King Dork, lost the challenge. I hate this guy. I'd rather have a squirrel gnaw on my scrotum than talk to this guy for two minutes. He's one of those guys who you start to feel sorry for because they suck so bad, but then you just want to beat the hell out of because they suck so bad. Well, he got so annoying in this episode that Mindi, his partner, opined to the camera her concern that Richard is reflecting badly on her. You know it's bad when a girl with a plant-life IQ decides you're making her look bad. She couldn't spell her name with three tries, but Richard the King Dork makes her look bad. Come on.

3. Chuck won some part of the challenge, and, during the elimination ceremony (or whatever the hell it's called), decided to wear a tie again. Bad move. It might not have looked so bad if Chuck didn't decide to yank his shirt sleeves up to mid-bicep again. Not a good look, Chuck.

4. The fashion show when the girls paraded the clothes their dorks picked out for them was priceless. First, it looks like the thing took place in a barn – no furniture, bad lighting, a runway that looks like it belongs at a middle-school fundraiser fashion show. Then, they had the dorks seated right next to the runway, which presented a logistical problem. As these chicks strolled by in tight clothes, the guys had to look at them while trying desperately not to focus on their asses. Not possible. Chuck and Sean looked like they had just seen the second coming, and even stud geek Brad's gaze couldn't have been broken with a nuclear explosion.

5. Since I've been reviewing the guys, I feel like it's my duty to comment on the host. I don't know where they found this guy. In fact, I don't even know what his name is. But, he provides entertainment all by himself. I love it when he does the elimination competitions and asks the questions to the girls and tries to put so much drama in it:

Host Guy: "What is the round device on the inside of the car that you use to steer the car?"
Dumb, Hot Girl: "Um, the pedal?"
Host Guy: "No, I'm so sorry. The answer is (dramatic pause) the steering (dramatic pause) wheel."

Dude, this may be your career break, but it's not the closing argument of the Scopes trial. While I'm making fun of this guy, what in the world was he wearing in this episode? It had like four collars. He looked like Magellan right before he took off to circumnavigate the earth.

I guess that's about all I've got for this week. Brad the Stud Geek is gone. Richard remains. Tune in next week to see what stupid things Richard says and what stupid things Magellan wears.

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