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Beauty and the Geek: Episode II (The Girls)
6/14/05
by JT

When the DH staff first learned of this show we had a collective epiphany. A communal belief that this show could produce a type of uncomfortable comedy not yet seen on reality TV. This potential led us to dedicate two writers to the task of following this show, one to follow the Geeks and one to follow the Beauties. (Click here for Tardio's review of the show). I chose the hotties over the geeks with the belief that the utter stupidity of these women would give me more than enough comedic fodder. Episode One did not disappoint. The hot chicks were so unfathomably brainless that they came off more hilarious than their nerdy counterparts. I couldn't wait for the next episode.

During Episode 2 the Beauties introduced a new twist, undeniable, unabashed shallowness. At least half of the 6 remaining hotties made the switch from loveably dumb to unbelievable bitches. I'm not saying they have reached Omarosa's level of bitchitude, but they most likely set the "Hot Chicks are Real and Decent People Too" cause back a few decades.

Lauren (the lingerie model) really did wonders for her image by bashing the dorks and saying she just wanted to be around normal guys who weren't nerds again. This was followed by an uncomfortable laugh as though she just realized she said that on national TV. She also helped her image by whitening her gargantuan teeth to the point of spotlight level brightness. I think she spent too much time with the Beta's from Revenge of the Nerds back in college. Her and Sorority Mindi poke fun at Richard for going out to dinner with his parents on his 21st birthday then going back to his parents home and going to sleep. Granted this is undoubtedly a 21st birthday only the finest geeks would enjoy, but this is also the point of the show. I'm not sure it was necessary to bring that up to millions of viewers.

But I digress, the challenge laid down for the lovely ladies this week was the task of checking the oil level in a car, and then changing a tire. (While Bill is teaching Lauren what a car jack is and that it can lift 2½ tons she blurts out, "that thing weighs 2½ tons?") They also have to train their socially challenged men the art of the back massage. This leads to one of the best dialog exchanges of the show;

Richard - "They could not have chosen a challenge in which I could be more inept."
Mindi - "What does inept mean?"

I swear the looks on the Geeks faces when these beauties spew out these jewels is incredible. Brad (the "stud" Geek who hooked up with the Life Sized Barbie Model) has come to the conclusion that he is actually getting stupider each time he talks to one of the women. As a Mensa member I guess he would know.

Here's how the ladies challenge to change a tire and check the oil on a car went down:

-Lauren takes the early lead. This makes Bill very pleased as he is a car freak and VP of the Dukes of Hazard Fan Club.
-Erika spends the entire contest trying to open the hood. She never succeeds.
-Caitilin comes out of nowhere to take the contest. Chuck is excited but manages to hold off a nose bleed.

This means Caitilin and Chuck have won both events and get to choose both couples who will compete to stay on the show. Chuck doesn't want to pick people that he likes and Caitilin thinks he is a wuss and has no balls. Then when picking the couples she breaks down in tears in a truly Emmy worthy performance. They choose Joe and Erika vs. Brad and Krystal and the drama builds. (Remember Brad and Erika have been hooking up throughout the show. This makes sense when you realize that Brad is the best looking of the Geeks (see Tardio's explanation) and Erika is the worst looking of the Beauties. That does not mean that she is an unattractive women, it's just that in a room full of 10's (on the aforementioned 1-10 hotness scale) an 8 becomes the ugly one. I realize my use of parentheticals is overly excessive.)

Joe and Erika are in serious trouble as A.) Joe hasn't recovered from Erika hooking up with someone else and seems to be on the edge of tears as he talks about leaving the show. I think crying is a sign of confidence. B.) Brad is in the top 1% of the smartest people in the world. He is like the "Ice Man" of nerds. C.) Krystal the NBA dancer comes out looking shockingly hot. It's as though she is daring the producers to send her off the show.

Needless to say Joe and Erika lose the contest and have to leave the show. This leads Erika to an epiphany about how shallow hot women are and tearfully declares that these guys are some of the greatest guys she has ever met in her life, and that outside of this show she would have never gave them a chance. She has obviously learned a valuable life lesson about stereotypes and labels. At this point she says the phrase, "I never thought I'd fall for a nerd!" Maybe she hasn't learned anything.

Now with the Brad and Erika love affair over what will come next for the girls? Hopefully something involving Krystal and Scarlet in bikini's as Scarlet has not seen nearly enough airtime on the show as far as I'm concerned. This may also cause Chuck's nose to gush forth blood like the geyser Old Faithful. Don't be surprised to see Lauren lashing out at the nerds like a cornered bobcat as the last blonde woman left on the show. Lets keep our fingers crossed and tune in next week.

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