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Entourage: Just Watch It
7/27/05
by Clay

The other day a buddy of mine remarked that he had very little work to do and spent a small portion of the day reviewing my columns for deadlyhippos. As he read he became increasingly convinced that I am a bitter, bitter man. His actual comment was, "Do you like anything or anyone?" And then DJ decided in the midst of an extremely homosexual turn to compare the deadlyhippos writing staff to Disney characters and I was described as Grumpy. First DJ gets married and then he engages in a marathon self-gelding session replete with Disney characters and manages in the process to reinforce this complaint that I do not, in fact, like anything. This led me into what I will refer as my Christian Bale pre-Batman moment (CBPBM for short). During this CBPBM I rigorously avoided all criticisms, practiced my mantra, and sat indian-style at every possibility. From that thought process emerged this list of things I can whole-heartedly endorse sans criticism:

Internet porn, Dawson's Creek, Super Tecmo Bowl, The Wonder Years, the movie Bring it On, alligators, boobs (on a female), Oregon Trail, The George Washington University men's basketball team, ping pong, former Cincinnati Reds shortstop Barry Larkin, Cinemax after midnight, the song Summertime Girls by LFO, William Faulkner, and Entourage. I will now whole-heartedly endorse the latter.

If you are not watching Entourage, you are wasting your life. Seriously. Or at least wasting the half-hour beginning at 10 eastern on Sunday nights. If you don't have HBO, then this means you are the cheap bastard who doesn't have HBO. That's ok, I used to be this guy, the HBO mooch. You roll over to one of your friend's places five minutes before The Sopranos starts and immediately demand a beer and a plum position in front of the television. If you are this guy, then one of your friends will have HBO. Just make sure and arrive on time. Then sit back and enjoy. If none of your friends have HBO then either you need some new friends or you better be living in Tibet with the monks.

I could write a ton of paragraphs explaining why this show is the smartest, funniest, best written, and most witty show currently on television. Instead I will give you just three reasons why you should watch:

1. Jeremy Piven's character, Ari Gold, is the greatest half-hour character in the history of cable. Period.

2. Ralph Machio and Bob Saget recently guest-starred on back-to-back episodes. During this show Bob Saget talked about wanting to bang the Olsen twins. Ok, he didn't do that, but he did spend the entire show surrounded by hot chicks who were fawning all over him. Every Bob Saget line was priceless. (I believe I am the only adult male to ever utter that line). And Machio brought out the Daniel Larusso high-kick. That's right the Daniel Larusso high-kick.

3. Entourage has single-handedly brought the phrase "little bitch" into regular parlance. I've been a regular user of the phrase since circa '94 and it's rewarding to see it attain credence on the best current show in television.

So take it from me, a bitter and crotchety old man of twenty-six who apparently doesn't like anything, I love Entourage, watch it.

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