Why do men become masseurs (massagers)?

by DJ
deadlyhippos.com

The other day I had a cramp and went to our physio. An average woman with hairy arms gave me a massage, quite well I must add, but also better than the grisly alternative. The next day I returned and my worst nightmare came true, a man had to do it, an ex-rugby player no less. The brute had one eyebrow and knuckles like an ape. He was Captain Caveman and Herschel Walker rolled into one. This is the gamble you take when you go in for one. Being felt up by a man is not good, especially with elevator music and candles. And the small talk made it worse. What do you talk about when you are this uncomfortable? He kept rambling on and on and the kicker was the comment on my small waist. I wondered if it was rude to request a woman, and if you could request a hot one. It got me thinking why would a man become a masseuse? And then  the burning question: Does the benefit of oiling up a hot chick and rubbing her down out weigh the pain and abysmal agony of having to rub a man down? Its a gamble every time someone walks in the door, like being on the craps table on your last chip, mind imploring the Vegas gods to hit your point just one time. What is an acceptable ratio of having to rub down dudes to finally having a hot chick come in? I say for every point she is on the age old 1 to 10 scale cut it in half and subtract one. So if she is an 8, then that makes her 3 dudes worthy. I believe this is the only acceptable solution..... Next column, How much sandwich meat is acceptable to be put on a sandwich before you are deemed a fat ass.....