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Kid Rock and Samari Rolle arrested in Nashville
by Clay

Yesterday in Nashville was a big day for celebrities getting arrested: first Titans cornerback Samari Rolle was arrested for hitting his wife on Valentine's Day and then Kid Rock was arrested for hitting a strip club DJ. Samari Rolle is my favorite Titan and Kid Rock is my favorite celebrity who spends a ton of time in Nashville so this was quite a double-header of assault news for me. The humor in someone hitting their wife is pretty tough to pull off so I've decided to focus on my man Kid Rock.
 
During law school friends of mine saw Kid Rock take the stage at the following bars, Dan McGuinness's Irish Pub, the Tin Roof, Tootsie's and Lonnie's. I saw him once, at the strip club with Charlie Daniels.  Yes, Charlie Daniels, the same guy who sang "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" on the stage with the Black-Eyed Peas at the recent Super Bowl. As an aside, I'm already contemplating a future column dealing with this fusion concept in music (you know Eminem and Elton John singing at the Grammys) to boost ratings and interest. What if instead of mixing singers, we mixed award shows? How many people actually watch the People's Choice awards? But what if it was the People's Choice Awards mixed with the Adult Video Awards. So like Ray Romano and Jenna Jameson deliver the award for best oral scene followed by Dale DaBone and Brendan Fraser delivering the award for best action movie.
 
Anyway back at the strip club for about ten minutes we wondered whether it was actually Kid Rock or just a guy who looked like Kid Rock. Then the strippers began to swarm him, and not surprisingly, he began to slap the stripper's asses and touch them in other ways that would get you or I thrown out headfirst into the street. Even Charlie Daniels was getting in on the act. The girls were playing with his beard and sitting in his lap. When he sat down to write that song about the fiddle and devils, I bet he never thought he would be getting that much attention from strippers thirty years later.
 
But click here for the article about Kid Rock being arrested.
 
It was even less of a surprise when I heard that he had been arrested for punching the DJ at Christie's Cabaret after I finished the article and saw that he had been out cruising strip clubs with a country music singer. I mean, what are the odds, that Kid Rock was trying to get the DJ to play "The Devil Went Down to Georgia?" They've got to be decent. So anyway, the reason I love Kid Rock is because he snuck out the backdoor of that strip club and headed for another strip club because he wanted to sober up before he was arrested. My money is on that second strip club being Ken's Gold Club, which is where I saw him during my second year of law school. And most people who read this article are going to think that going to a second strip club is not the place to sober up, but they would be wrong, because in Nashville strip clubs can't serve alcohol because the girls are totally nude. I know, I never understood the logic either. But here's to Kid Rock and Samari Rolle and the double-assault-header in Nashville on the day after Valentine's.
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Just prior to the posting of this column the staff at deadlyhippos.com received word that Tank Williams (starting strong safety for the Tennessee Titans) was arrested for drunk driving near a bar where we have all been frequently drunk. So in actuality this makes the week in Nashville even more exciting. Instead of a mere double-assault-header it is now a double-assault-header combined with a drunk-driving arrest. This is the equivalent of an inside the park homerun followed by a triple. Nashville has suddenly become the new Las Vegas, except people actually get arrested in Nashville. In the interests of full disclosure during their time in Nashville the staff of deadlyhippos.com suffered one actual arrest, five near arrests, one handcuffing that did not lead to an arrest, three "What did you just say to me sons?", two "I should be arresting you punks" and one hug from a druken officer in a bar on Printer's Alley. However, unlike the Titans, the chief of police never came to speak to the Vanderbilt law school class.
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Also, in Tuesday's column I published a wistful, nostalgic and contemplative column on deferred dreams which perhaps no one enjoyed. I began this column by quoting Langton Hughes' poem as: "What happens to a dream deferred, does it shrivel up and die?"

Unfortunately as Ron from Florida pointed out in an email, ("You are an idiot. No one is impressed that you remember poems from high school. If you were not already married this could be excused as a pathetic attempt to pick up women. Since you are already married, you are simply an idiot who remembers poems from high school incorrectly.") the second line from Hughes poem is actually "does it shrivel up like a raisin in the sun?"

Leaving aside the extremely difficult philosophical question of whether or not a raisin is technically dead or even whether a raisin might be doubly dead since a plucked grape is most likely dead as well. And not even really calling into question what exactly Langton Hughes was going for in his poem since a grape shrivels up like a raisin and a raisin can't really shrivel up anymore since it is already shriveled. It is clear that I am an idiot and I apologize to anyone who relied upon my mistake and took solace in the message of the column since it was based on an entirely incorrect quote.