It's been awhile since my last RRR column. I apologize. This session finds me in good spirits, and I wish the same to you this festive holiday season. But generally I am glad for the start of the NBA season as I officially open up the topic for the first time in RRR history. But there are also some college football dealings that need to be taken care of to begin with. For the first time in a while, I bring you no real news from the entertainment industry, namely music. That's because the Ol' Duder or El Duderino, if you aren't into the whole brevity thing¹, has been too focused on sports. Maybe next time. As we proceed to give you what you need....

Rants:

1. You made a big play for a score. Awesome. But there is one thing you forgot buddy. THERE IS NO VOLUME ON THE CAMERA IN FRONT OF YOU ON THE SIDELINES. Take my word for it. The only exception to this is Jefferson Pilot Sports for some reason. Reading the lips of an excited and breathless guy giving mad shout outs and props is next to impossible. And it's not a flattering sight. Suggestion: next time make a sign with one of your professor's names on it, preferably for a class you might not be doing so well in. Tape it and show it to him the next day. Or better yet, just pick a sorority house and show the Greek letters and some random name like "Sarah" or "Amber." It will do you much more good. It's always better to score twice.

2. This is all I have to say about the subject: T.O. is to the Eagles what Axl Rose was to "Guns and Roses". T.O. is Axl and McNabb is Slash. That marks the first time ever those entities have been so creatively linked in a comparison. And it's also very true.

He's even got the jersey on.

Raves:

1. As of press time, my brother has been a part of Shaq this year and Tim Duncan last year spraining their respective ankles and missing games. I don't know what this means, but he is doing something right. Hey, if you can't join 'em, beat 'em up. That's the way we were raised. His next goal should be to dive for a ball out of bounds and take out Bill Walton. It might be like this:

That would be incredible. "And they shall call him David...." Go Pacers.

2. Now that we have officially opened up conversation on the NBA for the first time this season, it has to be known, I am expecting big things from Marcus Camby this year and don't know why. I can't get a read on him. He's as enigmatic as the Chinese symbols on his arms. Just look at his picture. I don't even think he knows what is going on half the time or how good he can be. The guy could go off for 25 and 15 on the road one night and in the same breath play a whole game and get 5 and 5 and ask for a clothing stipend. I don't get this guy. When he plays good and aggressive the Nuggets are unstoppable. To me he is the most important player on their team. People forget he used Duncan like a chew toy in college and was the best player in the country winning the Wooden and Naismith in a very strong year for players. In other words, if he was a chick he'd be Selma Blair. You heard it here first, if the Nuggs do anything big this year it will be because of a healthy Camby.²

3. Per my footnote, The Big Lebowski constitutes a disproportionate amount of my head. I still realize there are literally dozens of people who haven't seen it. This is your last warning. Here are some audio Lebowski treats. Prepare to roll on the ground, legs akimbo in fits of laughter. Click here. If after listening you still have no desire to see the movie, it is time to part ways and we can no longer be friends. Really. Leave.

4. The McRib sandwich. God I loved it. It was shaped like a slab of ribs, yet had NO BONES!! One bite and you are overcome with fear and ingenuity. Was that meat I just ate? But it had the perfect combination of raw onions, pickles, and sauce. The can probably just said "SAUCE" on it too. Rumor has it they are on a comeback. If I had a vote, I would rank the McRib higher than at the very least George Washington in the AP Poll.

GW #19...McRib #18

Ruminations:

1. I think college football should adopt the promotion system like they do in Europe. Call it the new TBCS: The Bottom Championship Series. In such a system the bottom couple of teams get demoted to a lower level and the best teams from below get promoted for one year. This would keep bad teams like Temple, Buffalo, Rice, and New Mexico State from mailing in the rest of their seasons. Here's how it should work. All the winless teams from Division 1-A should be demoted and the same number of the highest ranked teams from Division 1-AA should be promoted. Divsion 1-A wins must be against another D-1A opponent. The teams would just switch conferences in order to keep the number of teams the same. A team from below could do no worse than the previous basement dweller. It would give teams like Furman, Hampton, and New Hampshire a chance to play big time college football, get more revenue, and improve recruiting. If the promoted team gets a winning record or a bowl game, then they get an additional year at the D-1A level in the Independent Conference. The demoted D 1-A team should finish in the top of the D-1AA, thus putting them back up in their previous conference, hopefully with a renewed vigor and desire to win. If not, eventually they will. If they don't it wasn't meant to be. There is no excuse not to win at least one game a year against some D-1A team, and if you can't then you shouldn't be there. In the event that there is no winless team in D1A, the same system as the BCS will select one team to go down and another to come up. That would put controversy on both ends of the spectrum. It would be great to see the crushing look on coaches and players faces on ESPN when they have the promotion/demotion ceremony on ESPNU ala the March Madness selection ceremony. In theory this could work.

2. MOST OVERRATED PLAYERS IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL:
I have been thinking about this one for a while. Many names come to mind, but then I reconsidered. What am I actually critiquing here? Kids. Kids that by all intents and purposes give their all every game, for their teams, coaches, friends, and families. Is it fair for me to judge a player on a bad season just because he is having a bad year? It made me feel like Jules in Pulp Fiction daring that guy at the beginning to say "What?" one more time. Like a bully picking on a clueless individual. For my money, as long as the guy busts his ass for the cause at hand I really could care less. As long as he is playing for his team and not the NFL (the Kelly Washington Clause) then I have no beef with him. All the players I was going to mention did not live up to their potential this year, but will probably get drafted anyway. Potential can make you millions these days. Once they are pros, they are fair game. From a guy who has labored through the college and professional ranks, albeit basketball, I can tell you there was never one moment I didn't try. I could have done better sometimes, but the effort was always there. Who am I to rank some 19 or 20 year old kid as a disappointment. Nobody, that's who. Lots of fans and critics sometimes forget this nowadays. Even I am guilty of saying a coarse word or two in regards to my beloved Buffs, and as a youth my hometown Commodores, and even worse ones to their opponents. So I ask you to overlook the BCS, Instant Replay, and underachieving teams this year and take college football for face value as what it really is, the greatest game on earth.
(Note to Vol fans, you got off easy....)

3. Since the throwback jersey in college football is all the rage, I think for one game they should go back to the days of small midriff jerseys, spats, and white towels hanging out of the pants. All the new designs from Nike are horrible, and Miami (FL)'s green jerseys with a red UNO card on the helmet was seizure inducing.

   
In addition they should make the kickers wear single bar facemasks, just because it would be funny.

"Eye black, check. Gloves with wrist tape, check. JV shoulder pads, check. Toolish one bar facemask, YYYEEESSS!!!!"

4. Am I the only one that thinks Jason Richardson looks just like Micheal Irvin circa 1992?

   
They look alike...and they are not happy about it....

And now that we are on the subject, John Clayton and Montgomery Burns?

   
They definitely came from the same nest on Jurassic Island.....

Post any of your own on our message board, or hit us up through gmail.

________________________

[1] Another Lebowski reference. You have to have seen it by now.

[2] This rave was first penned circa halloween, if you don't believe me that's fine. But next time we meet I will bludgeon you with Camby's lips for doubting my word.