In the aftermath of CU's incredible choke job this season, ending with a thoroughly embarrassing combined losses of 100-6 to the University of Texas and hated rivals Nebraska, followed by the firing of Coach Gary Barnett, we did a little soul searching about our Alma mater. Now don't get us wrong, we are die-hard CU Buff fans and will be until our time has passed and our bodies assist the grass above to grow thicker and greener than it ever imagined possible. The Buffs have a proud, time honored tradition. But this year our team was like a really hot cock tease at the bar. She talks to you all night, lets you buy her a couple of drinks, laughs at all your jokes, only to disappear right before last call without so much as leaving her phone number... Actually, a more accurate depiction would be that right before she leaves she comes over to kick you as hard she can in the balls... then she yells out to all the bar's patrons that you are a pedophile despite the fact she has no idea who you are. This is basically how this season has felt for CU fans. It was this that has led us to the realization that although we have much to be proud of, we have had our share of troubles throughout our history. (After all this is the school that rioted for 2 days against the police because they cracked down on underage drinking). CU is a school most recently noted for taking things to the extreme, recruiting parties, cheering at football games, and most recently even emails. So we came up with a list of CU's most infamous athletes....

Micheal Westbrook - The former top 10 draft pick and super freak athlete has well documented anger issues. There was the game in college against the Miami Hurricanes in which he was a key instigator in what many call the worst brawl in college football history. He sprinted 50+ yards to jump kick someone from the U in the chest. He would move on to become a 1,000 yard receiver for the Washington Redskins as well as beat the absolute dog shit out of teammate Stephen Davis on camera. His career fizzled out after that incident leading to the natural progression of retired wide receivers.... ultimate cage fighting.

Note the lack of concern of the coaches in the background....

Rae Carruth- One of the fastest human beings to ever walk the planet (he once ran a 4.19 second 40) just not quite fast enough to outrun Johnny Law. Rae-Rae was a first round draft choice of the Carolina Panthers in 1997. When finding out that his girlfriend was pregnant in '99 he did what any rational professional athlete would do... he hired someone to murder her. He was found a few days later hiding in the trunk of a '97 Toyota Camry outside a Tennessee hotel.... with no pants on. He is currently in serving 19-23 years in a North Carolina where he is now starring as Bubba Ray's personal penis pincushion. We should have seen it in college though, during the aforementioned CU- Tha U brawl, instead of fighting, during the fracas he ran and stole the opposing teams play book and presented it to Coach McCartney, the John Wooden of CU football, at halftime. Ballsy.

Rae looking over his shoulder stricken with fear, a soon to be all too familiar pose.....

Kordell Stewart - Kordell hasn't really ever done anything wrong. In fact, if he was coming out of college this season as opposed to 1994 he may have been the #1 draft choice. He had a strong accurate arm and ran a 4.4 second 40. He was the original Mike Vick... Except that he is widely believed to be more queer than a Village People backstage party. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Despite his apparent penchant for pole-smoking he led the Steelers to a Super Bowl appearance and another AFC championship game. Not bad for a gay. And JT once spotted him at the Dal Ward Athletic Center weight-room after his freshman season and he was benching close to 400lbs. DJ once saw him squat the equivalent of a VW Bug. Both times he was wearing only small tight spandex with a yellow stripe up the side and a black mesh tank top. Now that is one exceptionally strong homo.

Too easy....

Eric Bienemy - This guy was banished from the City of Boulder for 7 years after leaving the University of Colorado. No one is exactly sure what he did, but JT claims it involved illegal underground cockfighting and a something to do with midgets arm-wrestling (he has absolutely no proof to back this claim... just hope). The bottom line is, when you are one of the greatest football players in the history of your school, in order to be banished from said school's home city at all, you have to have done something terrible. Once the banishment was complete, Bienemy came back to the school and took over as Running Backs coach for a few years before jumping ship to UCLA. Also, he once kept JT and DJ from getting in a fight with some guys on Pearl Street in Boulder. Imagine a 5'6" man shoving a 6'7" man into a wall and screaming at him. It was hilarious. Then he wouldn't let us get in the same car to go home (even though the near brawl had been sufficiently broken up) because "YOU TWO GET EACH OTHER TOO PISSED OFF... AND WHEN YOU GET THAT DRANK IN YA', THEN Y'ALL JUST WANT TO FIGHT PEOPLE... Y'ALL GOTTA BE SMARTER THAN THAT!!!" remember he is 5'6" tall..... Once at dinner he told DJ, TJones, and David that before playing Texas he ate steak and potatoes every meal for a week, just so he could take s shit on the sideline after they won. And they did. And he did. That's when CU actually had bragging rights over the Longhorns. Good times.

Here comes Mighty Mouse!!

Rashaan Salaam - After rushing for over 2,000 yards and winning the Heisman Trophy for CU in 1994, Salaam seemed like a can't miss NFL star. Also, during this time he dated no doubt the hottest girl west of the Mississippi, current AVP star Rachel Wacholder. She was so hot JT used to schedule his workouts around her, and wear spandex under his shorts so he wouldn't get a halfy. He didn't disappoint in his rookie campaign as he ran for over 1,000 yards with 10 TD's setting Bear's rookie records and won the NFL's Rookie of the Year award. He set another record that year though, 11 fumbles. Sometimes with no one even touching him. As he slowly fumbled himself out of the league it became clear what his problem was, he smoke more ganj than the entire Marley family. After a failed comeback attempt in the CFL, Salaam was last seen hitching a boat ride to Jamaica with dreams of hitting that ultimate bong... at least that's what happened in our minds.

"This grass is green, I wonder if'n' I could smoke it too?..."

Katie Hnida - Katie was a kicker for CU and a prom queen at her high school. She is the first woman to play in a D1 football game as well as the first to score a point. She did all this despite the fact that she couldn't kick a ball further than 30 yards. In the middle of the rape allegations at CU in 2004, Hnida announced that she had been harassed and raped by a teammate although she wouldn't say who it was or when. Per JT - "Listen, I don't want to come across as an insensitive prick... but I guess I am. That's like me telling you that I own a Ferrari, even though you've never seen it, and then telling you that someone stole it. Then even though I claim to know who stole it, I won't tell you or the police... yet I want you to believe that a.) I had a Ferrari and b.) it was stolen. Even though I am giving you no proof of either." Somehow this still made the school guilty and added further to an already terrible off-season. (no charges were ever brought for ANY of the rape allegations. In fact, the majority proved to be completely made up--see story here.)

"Look out, the ball is about to rape her!!"

Jeremy Bloom - Jeremy fought the NCAA and the NCAA won. As a wide receiver / kick returner for the Buffs, Jeremy was a freshman All-American. The first time he touched the football in college he ran a punt back 76 yards for a TD against the lowly peasants of Colorado State. He is a multiple World Champion Mogul skier and is favored to win the gold medal at this years Olympics. After a successful sophomore year in which he averaged 16.6 yards every time he touched the ball, the NCAA decided that Bloom was ineligible to play football anymore because of endorsement money he had received from skiing. Apparently playing professional baseball in the off-seasons (see Ricky Williams, Chris Weinke, etc.) keeps your amateur status on track, but skiing for your country in the Olympics is a big no-no. After a lengthy and costly court battle with the NCAA, Jeremy finally had to quit. Don't feel bad for Jeremy though, he now makes close to 7 figures in endorsements, is a Tommy Hilfiger model, has hosted shows on MTV, and is planning a return to football at this seasons scouting combine where he is projected as a 3rd to 6th round pick. Poor fella. On many occasion, he has taken us out and comfortably bought the bar...with his own money. He is our favorite Buff of all time.....

Check out this link for a look at Bloom's athletic exploits.

I mean there really isn't much to say here except.....damn.....

Clint O'Neill and Jackie Zeigle- The final straw leading to this column. These two wrote an email to another cross country runner calling him a "river rat", "bean eating piece of shit" and a "border hopper". Oh, and "F(&8ing Sp@#" (We can't even write that). These two racial Bonnie and Clyde's really take the cake. It's not like Boulder drops mannah from heaven for its minority athletes anyways, and these two didn't help one bit. All we can really say was wow. It's disputed whether O'Neal actually had anything to do with it, but the hot chick was definitely all about it. Coincidentally, she has a twin. What is it about hot blonde twins that make them racist? Remember those two racist twins from California who sang that song? There should be a study done on this. Plus you have to be crazy to run Cross Country anyways. Uuummm, you just run. Hard, fast, and in the altitude. New Rule: Whenever you see a hot chick athlete, just assume she is completely insane and go from there. From documented experience, we have found this to be true. Please for the love of God take our advice.

"We meant that in the nicest way. No offense."

These are just a few of our favorite things the ghost of CU past and present has brought to us. Some that included certain incidents on certain basketball courts involving certain ex-CU basketball players will remain off the list, for obvious reasons. For the football players on this list, they may be murderers, potheads, hot heads, or all of the above, had any of these players been on the field this season those embarrassing losses would not have happened. SO have we traded character for wins? Apparently not. It is much easier to defend a 10-2 team for off field mishaps then the "thing" that our team scrapped together at the end of the year. And we still have a bowl game, which we will cheer our ass off for whomever plays or whomever coaches, because we will always love the Buffs. But now it's that kind of love that a wife has for her husband when she has two black eyes and a broken wrist because she "fell down the stairs" and won't press charges. That's how Buffs fans feel right now. But we won't press charges, because they will change. It's the last time it'll happen. They just had a hard day at work. It was our fault somehow. And wherever we Buff fans go we will get that same look the battered wife gets, pity and contempt. But as Buff fans, we will not give up this this relationship, we WILL make it work. For the last time this year, from at least us...Go Buffs. But if you have a bad game, please don't come home mad....

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