Well, it had to happen. After a series of flirtatious e-mails from the Alabama Houndstooth Twins during which they agreed to be interviewed, they have been entirely unresponsive since receiving my questions. I feel like maybe I'm partly to blame. But even in their absence, the questions must go on, and so without further ado, here are actual questions culled from actual readers who took the time to drop me a line. Usually the questions are derived from my columns during the course of the college football season.

Tyler,

I don't doubt at all that I need help and you raise an intriguing question about Steve Spurrier and the visor. The major distinction I could see between Anna Kournikova and Steve Spurrier wearing visors are that Spurrier hasn't completely occupied the field of visor-wearing the way Bear Bryant has occupied the field of wearing houndstooth hats. For instance, if Mike Shula started wearing a visor on the sideline (or if Urban Meyer did), no one would immediately say, "Mike Shula is trying to be like Steve Spurrier."

If Mike Shula wore a houndstooth cap (or any other SEC coach did), they would wake up in the morning with an effigy burning on their doorstep courtesy of the Bear Bryant Legacy Society and would be ridiculed mercilessly until they stopped wearing the houndstooth.

Putting it into another arena entirely, say hot girls started to carry around their own pimp cups and you were a huge fan of Lil' Jon. Wouldn't you be a bit worried that you were mixing the pimp cup and your love for Lil' Jon's music? OK, I'm sorry, I can't even keep a straight face when I'm typing this.

In other news, we had a slew of readers respond and correctly identify Paco from Water Boy as the correct quote from the Texas-Texas A&M game diary. Rather than reward just one person with the eternal and lasting glory of being mentioned in a reader response column on SPiN, I decided to go with the first seven responders. So congrats to Jim Norman, Matt James, Krishna Tripuraneni, Mony Dugger, Shekhar Kodali, Rick Langford and Phil Breedlove.

But all the e-mails haven't been positive or entertaining.

For instance, Joe wrote in to say,

And then, in case this wasn't clear enough, his message was the following:

Dear Joe,

Thanks for the offer but I'm a little disappointed with this because lately I've been watching Ellen at my wife's urging and I have to admit she's pretty funny. So I was holding out hope that she was going to be my gay. And while I appreciate you offering yourself up so gallantly, I'm not really sure that we should be in the habit of assigning gay people to straight people. But thanks for reading and I hope you don't take this rejection too personally.

Some guy whose e-mail address is Bear170 snidely wrote to me after my write-up of Texas-Texas A&M. He was kind enough to number his complaints, which was convenient because it makes responding that much easier.

My deepest and most sincere apologies. I can understand how you could have been confused as to which Texas A&M quarterback I was talking about since Ryan McGee is also on the roster. Oh wait, no he isn't. Even still, as penance, I'm saying five Stephen McGee's at night before bed.

Now you really got me here. Thank God for people like you policing Internet spelling. Since you're such a stickler for editing, your first two sentences lack periods.

I love this sentence and accompanying parenthetical because of all the logical leaps it requires. First of all, it assumes I know that either Todd Pegram (the kicker for Texas A&M) or Craig James are actually from Texas. I knew I should have studied harder for that "Every College Kicker's Hometown Quiz" at my law firm. As for Craig James' home, give me a break -- I'm not even sure John Saunders knows where James lives.

Regardless, as to Bear170, this brilliant logical template guarantees that James is a "short drive" from College Station. Of course this isn't true. Aren't people from Texas always bragging about how big the state of Texas is? Isn't being the second largest geographic state something tattooed on the soul of every Texan? So even if I had known where either Pegram or Craig James were from, they could live in Texas and still be over 500 miles from College Station. I think Bear170 has a future in the National Security Agency.

But most Texas A&M fans were not upset that I didn't know where Craig James or Todd Pegram lived.

Rachel, a 2005 graduate of Texas A&M, wrote in to analyze my sudden ability to hear dogs barking in the midst of that game:

Other readers were completely uninterested in college football:

It's not just you. I can barely watch when she is on the screen anymore. She is single-handedly ruining a perfect situation that her agent somehow finagled. The best analogy I can think of is if the Indianapolis Colts signed me to be their bad punting specialist and then I came onto the team and called my own fake punt plays every time I was supposed to punt. What would happen? Tony Dungy would cut me after one fake and all would be right with the world. I would have ruined the perfect opportunity. The television equivalent is that Ana Lucia has to be killed. It's not like the writers have been squeamish about this; everyone gets killed on Lost. As is, it's like she's being rewarded for ruining the show, like if Tony Dungy made me starting quarterback after the fake bad punts. It's time ... past time. Axe her.

It's even worse than this, though. I'm convinced that Michelle Rodriguez has never made a movie where she didn't at the same time both terrify and repel me while ruining the film. Girlfight, Resident Evil, The Fast and the Furious, and Blue Crush would all have been better movies without her. Plus, she has one mood: Glowering. OK, OK, we know you've got down withering looks and wish you were dead frozen pupils, but how about a little variety? I'm not asking for a ton, but when an attractive girl makes me wince every time she appears in something, it's not some sign of absolute talent.

Sparky from Cincinnati wrote in to disparage the SEC schools:

Sparky, now you've gone and done it. Right now, tons of Alabama fans are standing in line outside the bookstore seeking a refund for their misspelled sweatshirts.

Great question, Justin. First of all, Verne and I have a very solid relationship that consists of me knowing that he exists and Verne being entirely unaware that I exist. I feel like a dinner with Verne could break this delicate balance. Regarding Blackledge punctuating the important parts of the dinner with his non-verbal grunts, I think he is already booked for the entire offseason for Urban Meyer's series of tear-filled dinners with Oprah.

Mony Dugger wrote in to make sure I was aware that a member of Texas A&M's Parsons Mounted Cavalry had been arrested for throwing horse feces on the Texas band. But my favorite part of the article he sent me was this:

This is one of the most ludicrous things I have ever heard of, a horse-drawn artillery program that was formed in 1973? While they're at it, I think A&M should also have a Roman legion, a Spanish Armada, and a Cherokee Indian contingent who wear only buckskin and eat squirrels they kill with bows and arrows. Also, all students should take every exam using quill and ink and everyone must fight at least one duel (Bowie knives or derringers) before graduation.

Sam from Miami wrote in to ask

Another great question. My feeling is it's got to be a little of both. She likes that he keeps himself entertained other ways, but then again, the football season can drag on a long time. I guess it also might depend on whether Richt brings the headset home with him at the end of the day. I can imagine that casa-Richt could get a little uncomfortable if Mark wears the headset to dinner and then fondles the mouthpiece before saying, "Pass the bread." Of course, if there is limited bread, this could be a pretty good trick to keep the kids unaware of what your intentions are.

In an effort to examine the married woman's perspective, I asked my wife, Lara. Her response: "I'm in favor of anything that increases your manual dexterity. I would guess Mrs. Richt is the same." Ouch.

Finally, both Ewing Smith and Scott Kennedy managed to track down CBS footage of two LSU fans kissing after their overtime victory over Alabama to prove to me that I was not actually imagining this when I wrote about it in my game diary. It's been a wild year in Louisiana. First, Fats Domino shares a place with Jamarcus Russell post Hurricane Katrina and now two men are kissing at their football games. Pretty soon, the four horsemen are going to take a nice gallop around the Red Stick.

I wonder what they did after LSU lost the SEC championship to Georgia?

Keep the questions, comments, and hate mail coming. Just please make sure you know the difference between your and you're.