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When athletes and music collide, no one wins
8/4/05
by JT

Recently Shaquille O'Neill released a new rap song "dissing" former teammate Kobe Bryant. I believe this is the first basketball beef ever put down on wax so I decided to delve deeper into the athlete to musician phenomenon. After scouring the world wide web for hours downloading tracks and deciphering lyrics I came to the conclusion that there has never been an athlete who was both astute at athletics as well as musical ability. I present the following athle-sicions as evidence:

Shaquille O'Neill:

Shaq is the innovator of the basketball player to rapper movement. He would have to be declared the most successful athlete turned rapper as he has actually produced 5 albums in his rap career... including a greatest hits album. Never have the terms "greatest" and "hits"
been thrown together so loosely in a description. Shaq's latest battle rap song includes several hard hitting jabs at Kobe including:

"Even with wings you never as fly as me ... you remind me of Kobe Bryant trying to be as high as me ... but you can't ... even if you get me traded ... wherever I'm at, I'm Puffy; you Mase and you're still hated."

As DJ is fond of saying... words can hurt.

Kobe Bryant:

Kobe is always trying to outdo Shaq. In the case of rap careers, Kobe is once again bested by the big fella. Kobe is a bit short on street cred and his upper class Italian upbringing does little to assist in the thug image necessary to succeed in the rap game. Also, doing a song with Tyra Banks won't help:

[Tyra]
Kobe, how many girls have said, "I love you?"
Not like 'I love you Kobe!' like a fan
But like, for real, like, baby, marry me
I love you

[Kobe]
You're sweet
Once again (Once again)
Flawless (Flawless)
C'mon
Right
Uh, uh huh
Yo, yo, it's like this

Wow.... I am absolutely speechless...

Now that Kobe has a) a tattoo and b) a sexual assault charge, perhaps he is considering a comeback to the rap game. Let's hope not.

I wonder if this will help my rap career?

(Side note - my research has unearthed a Kobe Bryant song with the now infamous thug 50 Cent before he was famous. Two things disturb me about this; 1.) How can someone make a song with 50 Cent that is NOT a hit? 2.) How hard is 50 Cent trying to hide the fact that he did a song with Kobe now that he is a huge success? Something to ponder....)

Bronson Arroyo:

Riding the crest of the Boston Red Sox success bandwagon, pitcher Bronson Arroyo has released a cd of all early 90's cover songs. That's right, he basically released a karaoke cd. Guest starring Johnny Damon, other Red Sox, GM Theo Epstein, and hopefully a near unintelligible Manny Ramirez singing something by the Smashing Pumpkins, Bronson is hoping the euphoria behind the Red Sox Championship (I don't know if you heard or not, but the Red Sox won the World Series last year! For the first time in like 80 years!) to a successful debut album. My prediction: Triple platinum.

Singing like Vedder can be difficult

Allen Iverson:

AI had enough street cred to be a real gangsta rapper. Unfortunately he was already a famous basketball player with millions of fans under the age of 12. Therefore when it was leaked that his album contained more N-bombs and derogatory terms for gays and women than your average KKK convention, critics and parents were not too kind to The Answer. The CD was never released... thankfully

Gangsta rapper or Basketball player?

Deion Sanders:

In his Primetime / Neon Deion days, Sanders released an R & B album creatively titled "Primetime". He even released a music video. All I can say about this album is that after hearing it I longed for the sweet melodies of Eddie Murphy's hit song "Party All the Time". I then repeatedly hit my head against a wall. Thanks for the migraine Deion! Macho Man Randy Savage:

This has to be my favorite athlete music CD of all time. While the Macho Man may not be an athlete in the traditional sense of the term, he was one of the biggest names in the history of professional wrestling. Macho Man recently released a rap album (you read that correctly, a rap album) entitled Be a Man. Judging from my astute observations, the cd seems to have been developed solely to call out Hulk Hogan in a previously unheard of wrestling rap war. Hulk has yet to respond, but Macho Man's viscous rhetoric seems likely to bring about some sort of Hulkster backlash... or a chair to the head while Macho is distracted. Here are some sample lyrics:

I called him out, thought the punk was here and to go
It was a charity event but The Hulk didn't show
Hollywood Hulkster, you're at the end of your rope
And I'm gonna kick you in the butt and wash your mouth out with soap
Cause, like Rodney Dangerfield he gets no respect
Come on Hulk, let's wreck, so I can put you in check

Be A Man, Hulk
Come on, don't be scared
You're running from Macho that's what I heard

Oh yeeeeeeaaaaah!!!!

1985 Chicago Bears:

Simply put... Super Bowl Shuffle = the greatest athlete to musician song ever.

They ain't here to cause no trouble,
There just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle

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