Super Bowl Predictions from Overseas 01/29/08 by DJ
Even from overseas I know that the Giants should have no chance.
But what if they won? This would be the biggest upset in Super Bowl
history, bar none. An unstoppable force like the Pats going up against...
ELI MANNING and the road warrior Giants? Laugh if you will, but
they have a chance. The more he stays off the field, the better
for the Giants. More on this later. What will interest you is the
fact that I simulated this game 10 times in the most heralded of
heralded sports games of ALL TIME...Madden '08 AND Super Techmo
Bowl (STB). Yes, getting an NES to work on European voltage (which
is stronger than Clemen's post '96) is not an easy task but I did
it. In Madden '08 you can guess who won the most... Pats 7-3. In
STB, the Giants won 8-2. Yes I know the Pats were horrible when
STB came out, but are they worse than the the Giants are now? I
say no way. I could give you a length of reasons why, but that would
make me a nerd and a video game junkie. I'd just rather stick with
the latter. So let me tell you why the Giants have a chance. to
win this game and become the Topplers of the Evil Empire...
Reason 1:
Brandon Jacobs is running like a man possessed. Running over Charles
Woodson during the Packers game in and of itself isn't a big deal,
it's how he did it. Give me a week and I could probably make him
look like roadkill too. Did you see Woodson's face when he got up?
He looked completely fucked up. It's a shame the next play wasn't
a deep fade route on him. The Giants would have scored for sure
because Woodson though he was back at Michigan returning punts against
Ohio State after that one. But with Jacobs running like that, and
Bradshaw behind him, they have a deep backfield. If the line just
run blocks well they could only force Eli to pass once every four
downs. Him not passing is good because the Pats will blitz him every
down like they did in the second half of their first match. He could
be just like... Trent Dilfer...
Reason 2:
Eli Manning, somehow, some way, plays better on the road. Dealing
with the belligerent Giants fans and media doesn't seem like a home-field
advantage, and that's why he plays so well away from that. He can
relax. And by "play well" I mean not throw back breaking
picks, fumble snaps, and fumble for no reason. If he doesn't turn
into Rex Grossman, then he has a chance to pull off the upset. Also,
I know he has realized this: If he wins this game, he will be the
King of New York, not only for winning the Super Bowl, but for beating
the Pats. No matter what, no one can ever really boo him again.
As a matter of fact, if he retired after winning it, no one could
blame him. He's not gonna smash any records like his brother, nor
probably win another championship in NY. So it would be basically
downhill from there. But he could really only play football or sell
real estate with that hideous face of his. In short, he could win,
retire, and fade to black. The perfect storm for a NY QB.
Reason 3:
Their defense is phenomenal at getting crucial stops. That being
said, their secondary is so weak. I know they picked Favre off,
but the pass he threw was terrible. And I bet they led the league
in Balls Dropped That Could Have Been Interceptions. It's like they
try and make the job harder for themselves and they do better when
their back is against the wall. Thier LB's and DL are solid as they
come. Thier defense carried me to many a Fantasy Football win. This
has to count for something....
Reason 4:
If Tom Coughlin doesn't win, then he will probably kill someone
and then turn the gun on himself. If I had to pick one NFL coach
to turn into a mass murderer because of one big loss it would be
him or Gruden. Hands down. America doesn't need this. Please win
Giants. Coughlin kind of reminds me of what an aborted fetus would
look like if it somehow survived in the dumspter and fended for
its own for 60 plus years. I know that was really gross... ewwww...
imagine growing up in a dumpster....
Reason 5:
The Pats need something to play for next year. An embarrassing loss
to the Giants would crack off a series of pretty much guaranteed
Super Bowl victories in the future for the Pats to defend their
dynasty status. Odds are they are going to lose one soon anyway.
Why can't it be this year? If the Pats win this year, they can pretty
much all retire, and most of the team will be in the Hall of Fame
first or second ballot. What if they all retired at the same time
and every inductee one year was a Patriot? Now THAT would be a dynasty
level that would never be reached.
Reason 6:
I want to see Eli do more media than Peyton this year with commercials,
SNL, etc... SNL invites Peyton, but not Eli who quarterbacks the
NY Giants. Imagine the awkward phone convo before that one:
(Eli picks up the phone after three rings exactly, because he
doesn't want to feel too anxious)
Eli: Sup...
Peyton: Hey man, guess what? I'm coming to New York this weekend!
E: Sweet! Hey, if I pull some strings I can get us tickets to
SNL?! Remember when we were growing up we always wanted to be
on that show?
P: (coughs nervously) Gosh, ummm... that's what I've been meaning
to tell you about..
(Camera pans out to show Eli listening, lowering his head and
making the "Stop Yelling At Me Shockey Face"...)
Reason 7: I know the Pats make great adjustments, but it's hard
to beat a confident team twice the same year. Well, that is a stupid
point, so I will instead talk about my latest guilty overseas pleasure.
They have been airing both seasons of"The Riches". It's
pretty good. It's like a cross between the Beverly Hillbillies and
Weeds.
My prediction: Giants 23 Pats 21...
Go Giants, not because I want you to win, but because I don't want
to see Eli get murdered....
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